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Andrew Oct 16
Those ****** Teeth and Talons
Always present
Constantly digging deeper into my skin.
Snagging on bone
I knew what it would mean
Dragging this part of me
Out into the sunlight.
My arms, chest, neck, and face
Are all carved into by the piece of me
That wants to stay behind the tall grass and shadows.
It's hard to see with all the blood getting in my eyes.
This writhing mass slipping out of my crimson stained hands.
But I keep a steadfast grip.
I wasn't prepared for it to hurt this much.
I wasn't prepared for it to hurt those I loved either.
My hands are exhausted.
My breathing is labored.
Bloodstained tears running down my face and chest.
It's hard to remain standing. It would be so much easier to collapse.
-
Suddenly it doesn't hurt to breathe
The wounds remain but the pain isn't there.
I don't feel so tired.
I don't feel as if I'm fighting myself anymore.
I'm starting to see what others see in me.
-
Again I wasn't prepared
For my pain to hurt those that I love.
With no more blood in my eyes
I look to see that someone I truly loved, who truly loved me,
Has left.
Hurt by what she had to do to save herself.
I couldn't hear anything, and I didn't feel it at first.
But I look down to see that awful and familiar mass of black had impaled me.
This was a different kind of pain.
Something I've never felt before.
Something I've never heard before either.
It was me crying over the woman
Tgat was there for me
Every step of the way.
Fighting tooth and nail,
many times with me,
Who is now no longer
In my life.
Andrew Sep 20
"Can we do something for each other?
Sort of a pact....
I feel like I don't have to say this
Since we are how we are but....
I look at relationships in a different light.
More meaningful, more energetic,
More open, more direct, more vulnerable
Than any "relationship" I've ever previously experienced
Or have seen others experience.
When I said I'd be your girlfriend,
It may as well meant wife as well
Because that's how I am
And thats what you will receive.
Too often you see people miserable,
Argue, possess, slander, abuse etc.
I don't want any of that with you.
So can we agree
To never keep thoughts or feelings from one another,
Good or bad....
Never speak to each other
Out of our name,
Never low blow,
Never raise our voice,
Humans will always disagree
But I plan to fully handle myself and emotions
With Tact, Self Control, Discipline, Respect
And Grace.
I will always support growth and understanding
And I promise to give you my best.
I believe we are both very capable of all of this. 
And it will keep us both happy and healthy."




....... close to a year ago and I still remember reading these words for the first time.
Andrew Sep 20
The songs from years ago
That used to pull
So ******* my heart strings..

The same ones that left me
Gasping for air thinking about you
And what could have been......

The same beautifully sad songs that left
So many holes
In my chest......

Are nothing more than beautifully sad songs.
I no longer feel my world
Collapsing in on itself anymore.
Andrew Sep 20
I've learned never to give my heart away
So easily.

I don't really know
If I ever will again.

Love is nothing more
Than a myth to me.

So is Happiness...

I say this not with joy,
Nor satifaction.

My tears are no longer worth spilling
For anybody else.
Andrew Sep 20
I gave everything to someone I truly loved.
That I believed in a future with.

A woman that I thought was perfect for me.
I felt I lost everything when I lost her.. For the second time.

I'm much too scared to reach out to her.
Scared anything I say

Will only be used
To cut me down.
Andrew Sep 20
The most important lesson I can think of presently
Is to never let anyone that close again..
Even if you believe they are your future..

They have such ease
At showing you how foolish you are.

They can show you how much
You don't know about yourself..
And finally,

How little you can even trust yourself.
Those **** Teeth and Talons, ever present,
Remain deeply anchored into my skin.
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