waterfall tears
irrational fears
broken mirrors,
destined to suffer
at the hands of another
unworthy
undeserving of all the beauty of life
living a lie
infinite clock of mine

they tell me to never settle
yet i need to win that gold medal
A prize for male attention
picked the wrong flowers to shower with love,
as i fulfilled their needs,
they died on me.

never stopped trying to understand their passing
and everyday i keep on asking
What did I do wrong?
on their last petals
i was still willing to settle
to be loved by beauty
my responsibility to water their seeds
they couldn’t replenish me

grew my own seeds
to learn to love me,
slowly revived my being
proud at who I’m seeing
an undeniable feeling of love
that i wish i knew sooner,
she fits like a glove

love my smile and my dad’s eyes,
my heart gets me in trouble but that’s alright
my infectious laugh that sets the room on fire
Passionate with a burning desire
my body that continues to bloom,
never perfect, always me
but I’m proud of what I see.

I remember the day when things shifted
I recall the moment when we drifted
Situations that I felt brought us closer
You’d draw an interception
You’d redeem yourself for someone else
Temporary fixes that rebuilt plastic bridges

Conversations you’d ignore
Breaking down your door
Trying to understand you to your core
Thought that’d make you want me more
Told you how hard it was for me to hide
I wear my heart on my sleeve
Like a tattoo with your name engraved

Paved the way for me to tiptoe toward love
Balloons tied to my heart strings,
Bring me back to earth with your words
Despite my feelings,
Stitched and stuffed with the ones that hurt

Ate at my being
That I wasn’t cut out for being believed in
Cuddled me when you were in need
Used me for your own sense of greed
Tore me at the seams,
Disintegrating all my dreams
Dripping from the palms of my hands
Waiting for you to face your feelings

I was my own type of crazy
Talked to the crowd,
I wasn’t proud of the way I stayed
They reinforced and validated
Every little instance I stated
Counting down the days
1460
days being played

But who’s keeping score?

bed sheets,
Once all tidy and neat,
Five bottles of wine,
Downed on a hot August night,
One too many plastic red solos
One too many refills later,
She calls your name and leads you to me,
There we were
Intoxicated sleep.

Into deep at 12:13,
3:17
Waking up thinking it’s all a dream,
I feared your absence,
But there you were next to me
I believed it was meant to be,
But what I didn’t see was that
You played pretend because
The next morning we were at square one all over again.

Messy bed sheets,
No longer tidy and neat,
Refusing to touch your imperfect silhouette
The trace of you to never leave my bed

Wine corks and empty bottles on the counter
I rewind that encounter
Couch pillows on the floor,
A personal moment I could never ignore,
But somehow you did
Let it wash out on the shore,
Cleansing your mind of an unwanted memory,
I can just say we slept like two bodies in a cemetery
Dead inside yet side by side

Glasses clink,
Pile of dishes in the sink,
Wine glasses at the dinner table,

Fear knocks her glass over,
She’s unstable,
A room full of stares
She gets up and runs
She doesn’t return for the rest of the night

Anxiety shakes the table,
She's incapable,
A jet of waves flourishing from her knees,
Guests are threatening to leave

Doubt tries to get her to stop but fails in self-pity,

Nightmare cackles like a circus clown watching the comedown

Hurricane flips the table to cause a diversion,

Cloud cries over her cake falling to the ground,

Memory chokes herself, an impulsive collage

Society churns, boxing match within

They all promised to behave

Confidence, Wisdom, Peace and Liberty are disgusted,

They flee the scene and have yet to be seen

Perfect is devastated

Silverware is bent and rusted,

She just wanted one night to herself.

Even after the earthquakes,
I still try and understand why you shook me
Aftershocks of confusion and pain
Tsunamis flood my thinking cavity
A mass collection of redefined statements

Try to sympathize with your actions
I fail to fully comprehend
Why it began if it had to end
What point did it serve
If you swerve me like an uneven street curb
Speed off to avoid the consequences,
Of immature actions

Undeserved second chances,
Uninviting school dances
Jealous glances throughout endless occasions
Childish actions to get you back
Half hearts breaking deeper apart

My mouth cotton dry that November night
Hardest pill to cough up,
Regurgitated on the verge of tears
Rejection was my biggest fear,
It went through one ear and out the other

Maybe you didn't know
Maybe it wasn't intentional
Wasn't aware of your toxic potential
Awarding you your heartbreak credentials
You’re a professional

It's hard to sympathize when you saw my eyes
Hard to sympathize when you’re great at goodbyes
Hard to come to terms with a past failed spark
That does nothing more now than leave a hole in my heart
past afflictions that make my mind addictive

dramatic fantasies of you & I
my favorite film to watch
as the aftershocks take off.

veins of poetry,
fluid like blood,
microphone existence
pull the plug,
reciting lyrical lines
during desert times

poetry is the vow
i compose
when they all walk away

tumbleweeds in my throat
personal declarations
informal confrontations
that help decompose inferno conversations

mirrored reflections
that shadow inflection
blood in my veins

poetry
the stitches that heal all the pain.

ventriloquism
invasion echoes my voice
i was forced
never granted a choice

completely detached from reality
i won’t ever come to you,
I’m sorry
blinding lights pierce my eyes
aware of my skin and bones
but there’s no safe haven for me like home

life was meaningless
i serve no purpose
burdened others with my existence
the days felt like years
couldn’t clog the pipes to stop my tears
every fear reprimanded me my present

my heart is empty and my mind is heavy
i prayed for a mind reader
take a moment and stop
to connect the dots
but in their hearts i got lost
a message too complex to get across

a lifesaver
silent behavior
nothing but a passerby
they carry on with their lives


I wish I had a me in my life.