I’m gifted in many ways
but not enough to get you to stay
play me like a board game
because that’s your bored game
don’t look at you the same
the matchbox is stricken down to the cardboard
halved matchsticks by force
you’ve completed all of your chores
revealed cards for a hopeless fate
understanding a misunderstanding
leftover from baggage claim
im the punching bag at your aim
knock me out and you’ve won,
game over.

i give and give and give and give
and somehow im still empty,
think somehow it’ll fill me whole
but there’s still a hole
violet vases that have cracked the code
dead peonies that once spoke to me
dried up words that won’t quench my thirst
rose thorns that pierce my fingertips
bite them at the stem
wont let them slip
love gems where i spend my time
treasure chest of unhealthy unrest
my most prized possession.

You were never mine
No matter how hard I tried
I held on for way too long,
Thought I belonged to you
I used to believe you were the one
Even when you were gone
Made promises we couldn’t keep
At least I still see you when I sleep
But even in my dreams you disappoint me.

I’m speechless.

You knew me better than anyone,
The damage is done,
A skeleton is all that remains of our broken bond,
It’s been a long time and I struggle to move on,
You knew my heart and who I wanted to be,
Inside jokes that we’d recite on the daily,
Dreaming about our futures and babies,
Sleepovers at my place,
Memories that I’ve scratched out and erased,
We talked about being maid of honors at each other’s weddings,
But that’s not where we were heading,

I come across old pictures sometimes,
Although we’ve drifted apart,
Those are moments frozen in time,
Even when the people in them change inside
Even when the smiles have faded away,
They’ll always stay in place

I wanted to help you,
Everything I did for you was because I wanted to,
I just wanted you to be happy too,
We made sure the bill was paid,
We made sure you got home okay,
Before we drove away
Treated you like family
But maybe that wasn’t enough,
At the end of it all,
Ashes and dust

When you succeeded,
I was on the sidelines cheering for you,
When it was my turn in the driver's seat,
You were the first one to kick your feet,
When I had some of the best nights of my life,
You made me feel like they weren’t worth your time
To express my happiness,
I was on cloud nine,
But other things were on your mind,
Uninvited ignited a spark in you,
Words lashed out online,
Threw a fork in my spine

Confrontation was a root canal,
Tiptoeing around potholes in the ground,
The humiliation started getting too loud,
But there you were turning up the sound,
For my interests I wasn’t allowed to be proud,
I loosened my grip for what was coming around

There we stood,
Facing one another,
Realizing this was the last time we would talk to each other
Nothing more left to be said,
But now I found the words to express how much it hurt.

I was angry for a long time,
Pain and malice in the words I wrote,
In the way that I spoke
Three years time I’ve grown,
Understanding now that we needed to break apart
In order to evolve into our own

I know we both had our faults,
Bottle up my brokenness,
Store it in a vault,
I’m sorry for the ways I hurt you,
It was never my intention to,
I’m sorry if I’m not what you needed at that time,
Maybe it wasn’t my place
To try and change your piece of mind,
I just wanted to show you the light,
But I understand you took control of your own life,
Did what you felt was right,
With that,
You became who you said you’d never be,
And that was hard for me to digest,
I just wanted the best for you,
But I also had to do what was best for me too,
So i let you go-

I hope you’re alright
wherever you are in life,
If you’re stuck in the dark,
I promise you’ll find the light,
Although things are different,
My heart remains the same,
I hope you still write and use your lyrical flame,
If you ever needed me,
I’m always just one call away.