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Andrea Cruz Apr 20
Hydrangeas bloom
And so did you
Brown eyes and caramel skin
Sweet like candy
You pull me in
Playful fights that id never let you win
Sporadic moonlights
constellations reflecting on our picnic blanket
Honeymoon phase came and went
Journey to wedded planets
We’d never land in time
Craters filled us both
Dug ourselves holes
No matter how far we’d climb
We’d slide back down
Far too deep this time
Foreign grounds that cradle the earth
A blessing of our territory
But forever a curse
Carrying your love deep within me
To birth our love of eternity
For her eyes will reflect the moon
And her hair will twinkle like stars
Her lips will speak the truth
And her heart will take her far
Finally we’ve sealed an embodiment of our feels
As she stares into our souls,
Symbolizing the baby one day we will hold.
Andrea Cruz Apr 20
Rusty shower heads
Broken queen bed
Remembering all the words you never said
Calla Lilies kiss the garden
As they dance with the wind in the crystal air
Three day old ripped jeans sleeping on the floor,
Too tired to put them in the laundry the night before
Writing and rewriting all laid up in bed
Saying good morning to the rising sun
My lips still reflect those kisses that came and went
And the burnt cigarette you ****** the life out of
Her broken body you inhaled too harshly
Broke her into two,
Reopen your pack and light a new one as you tend to do
You treat your smoke sticks ‘
Just like you treat your girls
Dress them up with smoky white pearls
And inhale the sweet scent and heavy aroma of greyed out lungs
You dump her out into the ashtray when she’s got nothing left to say
Crush her dreams like you crushed me
And there you go again,
Lighting a new one once again,
Sleeping with another soul you haven’t yet touched
Love her too much til you’ve had enough,
There you go again,
The cycle never ends
Andrea Cruz Apr 20
the year 2004
it was story time on the kindergarten carpet
chrysanthemum,
the story of a little mouse who struggled to accept her name
the kids bullied her for her rarity
she was a walking target
at five years old i resonated with this mouse,
trying to find acceptance in her academic house,
looking back now,
i realize this book got me through life,
understanding how to accept my rarity,
to never seek validation from others who are destined to misunderstand me,
those who love me will guard my back,
she never turned back after that,
and neither did I.

the flower of my birth month,
covered in a multitude of delicate petals,
the many aspects of my existence
each compartment make up my spirit
and that was it,
i was made up of too many petals,
people couldn’t settle to dissect my being
for they couldn’t comprehend what they were seeing,
and forever now believing
they weren’t meant to perceive me.
Andrea Cruz Apr 20
waterfall tears
irrational fears
broken mirrors,
destined to suffer
at the hands of another
unworthy
undeserving of all the beauty of life
living a lie
infinite clock of mine

they tell me to never settle
yet i need to win that gold medal
A prize for male attention
picked the wrong flowers to shower with love,
as i fulfilled their needs,
they died on me.

never stopped trying to understand their passing
and everyday i keep on asking
What did I do wrong?
on their last petals
i was still willing to settle
to be loved by beauty
my responsibility to water their seeds
they couldn’t replenish me

grew my own seeds
to learn to love me,
slowly revived my being
proud at who I’m seeing
an undeniable feeling of love
that i wish i knew sooner,
she fits like a glove

love my smile and my dad’s eyes,
my heart gets me in trouble but that’s alright
my infectious laugh that sets the room on fire
Passionate with a burning desire
my body that continues to bloom,
never perfect, always me
but I’m proud of what I see.
Andrea Cruz Apr 20
I remember the day when things shifted
I recall the moment when we drifted
Situations that I felt brought us closer
You’d draw an interception
You’d redeem yourself for someone else
Temporary fixes that rebuilt plastic bridges

Conversations you’d ignore
Breaking down your door
Trying to understand you to your core
Thought that’d make you want me more
Told you how hard it was for me to hide
I wear my heart on my sleeve
Like a tattoo with your name engraved

Paved the way for me to tiptoe toward love
Balloons tied to my heart strings,
Bring me back to earth with your words
Despite my feelings,
Stitched and stuffed with the ones that hurt

Ate at my being
That I wasn’t cut out for being believed in
Cuddled me when you were in need
Used me for your own sense of greed
Tore me at the seams,
Disintegrating all my dreams
Dripping from the palms of my hands
Waiting for you to face your feelings

I was my own type of crazy
Talked to the crowd,
I wasn’t proud of the way I stayed
They reinforced and validated
Every little instance I stated
Counting down the days
1460
days being played

But who’s keeping score?
Andrea Cruz Apr 19
bed sheets,
Once all tidy and neat,
Five bottles of wine,
Downed on a hot August night,
One too many plastic red solos
One too many refills later,
She calls your name and leads you to me,
There we were
Intoxicated sleep.

Into deep at 12:13,
3:17
Waking up thinking it’s all a dream,
I feared your absence,
But there you were next to me
I believed it was meant to be,
But what I didn’t see was that
You played pretend because
The next morning we were at square one all over again.

Messy bed sheets,
No longer tidy and neat,
Refusing to touch your imperfect silhouette
The trace of you to never leave my bed

Wine corks and empty bottles on the counter
I rewind that encounter
Couch pillows on the floor,
A personal moment I could never ignore,
But somehow you did
Let it wash out on the shore,
Cleansing your mind of an unwanted memory,
I can just say we slept like two bodies in a cemetery
Dead inside yet side by side
Andrea Cruz Apr 19
Glasses clink,
Pile of dishes in the sink,
Wine glasses at the dinner table,

Fear knocks her glass over,
She’s unstable,
A room full of stares
She gets up and runs
She doesn’t return for the rest of the night

Anxiety shakes the table,
She's incapable,
A jet of waves flourishing from her knees,
Guests are threatening to leave

Doubt tries to get her to stop but fails in self-pity,

Nightmare cackles like a circus clown watching the comedown

Hurricane flips the table to cause a diversion,

Cloud cries over her cake falling to the ground,

Memory chokes herself, an impulsive collage

Society churns, boxing match within

They all promised to behave

Confidence, Wisdom, Peace and Liberty are disgusted,

They flee the scene and have yet to be seen

Perfect is devastated

Silverware is bent and rusted,

She just wanted one night to herself.
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