Even after the earthquakes,
I still try and understand why you shook me
Aftershocks of confusion and pain
Tsunamis flood my thinking cavity
A mass collection of redefined statements

Try to sympathize with your actions
I fail to fully comprehend
Why it began if it had to end
What point did it serve
If you swerve me like an uneven street curb
Speed off to avoid the consequences,
Of immature actions

Undeserved second chances,
Uninviting school dances
Jealous glances throughout endless occasions
Childish actions to get you back
Half hearts breaking deeper apart

My mouth cotton dry that November night
Hardest pill to cough up,
Regurgitated on the verge of tears
Rejection was my biggest fear,
It went through one ear and out the other

Maybe you didn't know
Maybe it wasn't intentional
Wasn't aware of your toxic potential
Awarding you your heartbreak credentials
You’re a professional

It's hard to sympathize when you saw my eyes
Hard to sympathize when you’re great at goodbyes
Hard to come to terms with a past failed spark
That does nothing more now than leave a hole in my heart
past afflictions that make my mind addictive

dramatic fantasies of you & I
my favorite film to watch
as the aftershocks take off.

veins of poetry,
fluid like blood,
microphone existence
pull the plug,
reciting lyrical lines
during desert times

poetry is the vow
i compose
when they all walk away

tumbleweeds in my throat
personal declarations
informal confrontations
that help decompose inferno conversations

mirrored reflections
that shadow inflection
blood in my veins

poetry
the stitches that heal all the pain.

ventriloquism
invasion echoes my voice
i was forced
never granted a choice

completely detached from reality
i won’t ever come to you,
I’m sorry
blinding lights pierce my eyes
aware of my skin and bones
but there’s no safe haven for me like home

life was meaningless
i serve no purpose
burdened others with my existence
the days felt like years
couldn’t clog the pipes to stop my tears
every fear reprimanded me my present

my heart is empty and my mind is heavy
i prayed for a mind reader
take a moment and stop
to connect the dots
but in their hearts i got lost
a message too complex to get across

a lifesaver
silent behavior
nothing but a passerby
they carry on with their lives


I wish I had a me in my life.

I’m gifted in many ways
but not enough to get you to stay
play me like a board game
because that’s your bored game
don’t look at you the same
the matchbox is stricken down to the cardboard
halved matchsticks by force
you’ve completed all of your chores
revealed cards for a hopeless fate
understanding a misunderstanding
leftover from baggage claim
im the punching bag at your aim
knock me out and you’ve won,
game over.

i give and give and give and give
and somehow im still empty,
think somehow it’ll fill me whole
but there’s still a hole
violet vases that have cracked the code
dead peonies that once spoke to me
dried up words that won’t quench my thirst
rose thorns that pierce my fingertips
bite them at the stem
wont let them slip
love gems where i spend my time
treasure chest of unhealthy unrest
my most prized possession.

You were never mine
No matter how hard I tried
I held on for way too long,
Thought I belonged to you
I used to believe you were the one
Even when you were gone
Made promises we couldn’t keep
At least I still see you when I sleep
But even in my dreams you disappoint me.

I’m speechless.

You knew me better than anyone,
The damage is done,
A skeleton is all that remains of our broken bond,
It’s been a long time and I struggle to move on,
You knew my heart and who I wanted to be,
Inside jokes that we’d recite on the daily,
Dreaming about our futures and babies,
Sleepovers at my place,
Memories that I’ve scratched out and erased,
We talked about being maid of honors at each other’s weddings,
But that’s not where we were heading,

I come across old pictures sometimes,
Although we’ve drifted apart,
Those are moments frozen in time,
Even when the people in them change inside
Even when the smiles have faded away,
They’ll always stay in place

I wanted to help you,
Everything I did for you was because I wanted to,
I just wanted you to be happy too,
We made sure the bill was paid,
We made sure you got home okay,
Before we drove away
Treated you like family
But maybe that wasn’t enough,
At the end of it all,
Ashes and dust

When you succeeded,
I was on the sidelines cheering for you,
When it was my turn in the driver's seat,
You were the first one to kick your feet,
When I had some of the best nights of my life,
You made me feel like they weren’t worth your time
To express my happiness,
I was on cloud nine,
But other things were on your mind,
Uninvited ignited a spark in you,
Words lashed out online,
Threw a fork in my spine

Confrontation was a root canal,
Tiptoeing around potholes in the ground,
The humiliation started getting too loud,
But there you were turning up the sound,
For my interests I wasn’t allowed to be proud,
I loosened my grip for what was coming around

There we stood,
Facing one another,
Realizing this was the last time we would talk to each other
Nothing more left to be said,
But now I found the words to express how much it hurt.

I was angry for a long time,
Pain and malice in the words I wrote,
In the way that I spoke
Three years time I’ve grown,
Understanding now that we needed to break apart
In order to evolve into our own

I know we both had our faults,
Bottle up my brokenness,
Store it in a vault,
I’m sorry for the ways I hurt you,
It was never my intention to,
I’m sorry if I’m not what you needed at that time,
Maybe it wasn’t my place
To try and change your piece of mind,
I just wanted to show you the light,
But I understand you took control of your own life,
Did what you felt was right,
With that,
You became who you said you’d never be,
And that was hard for me to digest,
I just wanted the best for you,
But I also had to do what was best for me too,
So i let you go-

I hope you’re alright
wherever you are in life,
If you’re stuck in the dark,
I promise you’ll find the light,
Although things are different,
My heart remains the same,
I hope you still write and use your lyrical flame,
If you ever needed me,
I’m always just one call away.