I like this
I love these,
small capsules of joy,
little tablets of dopamine
my sense of wonder is a chemical
without it, my mood would be somewhat epidemical
like a leash on an animal and a lock on a door,
they're here for a reason, so i must get
more

He got up and said only one thing
a sentence spoke with no love
only hate
while i cried on the ground
unable to orate
he looked at me with hollow eyes,
as i bled on myself
and continued to cry
he uttered those words with a bitter tongue
as i wiped my tears
he said
"you done?"

Instead of swinging, she rocked side to side
And instead of sleeping, she stayed up all night
Being alone can make you think
And your brain is an ocean
In which, you sink

I don't want to take your ******* anymore
I'm done being criticized and thrown against the floor
Stop SCREAMING
stop SCREAMING
The voices in my head are from your imagination
There's nothing wrong with me
You caused this agrivation
Telling everyone that oh, she's just sick
And I'm perfectly fine
And done with your ****
You keep saying that I'll be okay
But I've learned not to listen to everything you say
You just like the attention
Of having a ****** up daughter
Saying I'm too fat
To consume anything but water
At restaurants...
How am I supposed to feel
I don't know what feelings are real
All I know is that if the voices are really there
Their telling me to dispose of
All that feels unfair

I'm sick
I'm crying, sad but not dying
I need a release
Something to calm my nerves
A chill pill for my head
But something that works,
I'll roll up my cure and light it up
Inhale my prescription
To make the stress stop,
all my problems can be solved
And my anger will dissolve
Because there is no reason to hate
When I fall back
And self medicate

Open this door, and set me free
I want to know what it's like to finally see
Show me a new way, to feel alright
Make me feel okay
Help me sleep at night

She's waiting for his call, and with it will come her feelings
He abuses her, hurts her and breaks her down
But when she hears his voice she can't help but cry
all the times she was taken off the ground, all the times he never told a lie
Why, baby, why?
Why did you change?
Was it something I did, anything I say?
Why, darling, why?
Answer me this, why did I become your powerless so controlled *****?
Why do you yell, why the frustration?
It seems your care has taken a vacation...
Im crying, and screaming
I want you back
I feel so lonely, I look so sad
I'm trying to move on, with someone good
But my heart is saying no
And my brain is saying I should
These feelings are so mixed
Like they've been put through a blender
I want my heart to be fixed
But the chances are slender
I need a cigarette and a second to think about this to give my stress a reduction
But my feelings are on the brink of my own self destruction

Come now, here
where the noise of the world cannot reach your ears
rest now, with me
so that I may soothe your pain and ease your worry
feel my heart, like a drum it beats
and it's rhythm is all for you,
listen now, dont just see
that if you were gone, I'd know not what to do

light up
Lay back
Shut up
Not sad
Escaping the pain
By poisoning my brain
Altering the truth
Cause I can't handle what's real
Trying to forget you
Because it ******* hurts to feel
I am high
I am up
I am here
Trying not to give a ****
But the bruises on my skin and my soul
Are making me feel empty
And my being ice cold
I've just got to light up another
And few after that
I will forget my dark lover
And never go back

I feel alone
even though, i am surrounded
i feel neglected
but no one will listen
these circus lights glisten
as i spin around and around
this ferris wheel is like my brain
my mind spins, it slowly rotates
and even though
it is slow,
it is maddening
to feel such repetition
such a binding contrition
i feel so disconnected
so unplugged
turned off, shut down
and dead because
im flying high under the ground
with no light, no sound

We were born two years apart but grew together
we cried about boys and the book i tried to write
the one without a plot, nothing was right
when i lost my train of thought,
we fought, of course the way that sisters do
but we never failed to tell each other
"i love you"
you had dreams and so do i
about going to the moon
reaching for the sky,
you wanted to heal people
and i wanted to teach,
both of our dreams were within reach..
until you fell and he caught your soul
but i never knew these problems would unfold
now i have a story that will have feeling
i can write with emotion instead of fiction
like the wallpaper in our attic peeling
and the road against your car doors friction
like the glass on your windshield when you crashed
mom was crying when i asked
where you were
but you were gone, and i understood
he was taking you places that i never could
so dear, man in the clouds that i cannot see
do me this favor,
and take her to the moon for me.

Smoke it,
bake it,
or just bake yourself
hot box,
police knocks,
eyes redder than hell
feels like you're dreaming
do you got that good leaf?
do you smoke that good ****?
the kind that make you feel fly
with only one hit
what do you take with it?
maybe, a dose of reality
or rather, a shot of remorse?
a pinch of regret
for all those now closed doors,
smoke that good leaf,
bake in that garden,
feel the release
for never being pardoned

She saw my cuts
i prepared for the screaming
but she didn't call me a ****
if anything, she was beaming
i saw love, i saw care
when i look at mothers eyes; that's not usually there
so i thought it was a lie...
but she acted fair
she grabbed the wound gel
and cleaned me up
told me it wasn't the right kind of stuff
that i should do when i'm upset
that if i'm sad, don't fret
she was there for me...
can you believe that ****?
i just couldn't believe
that i didn't get hit
i love my new mom
i hope the first gets better
regains her sanity
if god shall let her
they listened today
and it made the biggest difference
between and arm full of scars
and just being accepted.

All the butterflies are
Gone,
And I'm left here alone, by myself to move
On,
I've been feeling less magical
Less up, and I'm feeling radical
Every breath feels slow
Searching for this thing that I will never know,
I want to feel something
less,
Or maybe just nothing
Tell me, what do you do with yourself
When no one wants anything to do with you?
How am I supposed to feel
When I feel like I've got everything to lose?

I am not immune to emotion
it strikes me like lightning
but can sicken me to my core
it can raise me
or beat me down to bleeding on the floor
when i'm open wide, with nothing left to hold
it can break me down to tears, and make my skin cold
i am weak, but so very strong
my mind says good, when my heart feels wrong
i'm not alright here,
i'm finding that in this world i have so much to fear
screaming is my sedation
and my mother gets this dedication
i was left alone when the most attention was required
all the wrong people were surely admired
I've been held by evil hands for far too long
now ill never know the difference between right and wrong

I'm strong all year
i try to be everyone's friend
but today i feel like nothing will be good again
Tuesday doesn't exist, its just a slot in time
it belongs to your soul now,
the only true love I'll never find
your heart was good,
but your actions were dumb
you, stupid girl
why did you have to leave me here
to grown old alone and numb?
Tuesday doesn't exist
because you don't either
if i can't have one, i want neither
you're in a box
your skin is ash
you're made of powder and all questions asked
i kissed you goodbye
your skin was cold, you were a child once but now that memory's old
goodbye, my love
my idol
my friend,
i'll give you what i promised when i see you again

I want to find something to conquer my anxiety
but this boring place has no originality
and im running out of choices from lack of variety

im tired of worrying about your opinion
im breaking and i dont care how dramatic i sound
i hate being afraid and being shut the **** down

why can the popular girl get sad but when i am its for attention
i dont need your love
just your ears
i need someone to take away my fears

theres just so much judgement and its all for nothing
but if i speak, im just begging for something
i tried to deal with it on my own but you all judged that too
can someone just tell me what i am to do

I'm still here full of hate
But a young lady can't be in that kind of state
And I'm ready to call 'check mate'
Because these feelings have got me cornered and I'm about to break

It's not proper to fill your lungs with any type of smoke
I thought
As the clouds stung
And I began to choke

But being proper is a mainstream way of thought
If my personality was fake and could be bought
I would be nothing but an assembly lines product

You cannot define who I am
With a dollar bill
Or your tainted Uncle Sam
Who has grown so ill

I hear that they've made Bluetooth light bulbs
It's funny, like an idea in your head can connect to your phone

But, I am of one mind
And it is my own
I will not be dependent on this iPhone

My fun will not end when the battery runs out
Or have a limit on my volume for how loud,
My thoughts may scream,
Individuality

This is who 'I' am
Who God has created me to be

Everything was fine and silent
We just walked and we both were smiling
But then we turned the corner and his patience just snapped
One second, peace, then his hand is wrapped
Around my wrist, restraining my movement
Tell me, please, what do you do when
He threatens to choke you,
You think he's joking, but then he grabs hold of you
What do you say, when no words will come out?
And you're begging him please, let me go right now
You wonder if he can see it in your eyes
But staring into his, makes you cry, cause all you see are lies
About how he would love you, and never lay a hand
But lately these promises are harder to understand...
I didn't know what to do, when he dug his thumbs into my hips
I thought he was proud of me for not cutting my wrists
but, he's showing me that's what he wants
Calling me a *****, and treating me like some ****
He makes me hurt, and he tells me to cut
But, I can't do what he tells me...
So he hits me instead
All this aggravation, would make you wish you were dead.

I had always prided myself on my strength
The fact that I survived multiple abuses
And still didn't break

I told you about it all
The beatings I received
The ****
And the hopelessness I felt everyday

You promised me sanctuary and I was cautious at first
You gained my trust
And quenched my love thirst
You made me feel safe
As you slowly burrowed into my soul

The manipulation, like a slow acting poison
Rotted me from the inside out
And by the time it was obvious
I was already under your control
And already falling down

I always prided myself on getting right back up
But your hold on me and abuse
Was such a mind ****
And I'm stuck

Even after I broke free from you
The roots of your control were still buried in my soul
And to this day, you make me the weakest
And you make every ray of sunshine the bleakest

I'm so paranoid
And so confused
I mix up pure love
For someone trying to abuse
And I'm trapped here
Forever pretending to be the same old me
So strong and so brave
But my unbreakable heart is starting to cave

Hes my favorite song to sing
that means hes above these things
and hes brighter than me yet just as seen

Hes got eyes like coco
dark brown
and hes loco but keeps me sane
without his smoke smell i wouldn't be the same

oh baby, you shine
and ****, you're mine
all mine
i ain't sharing one inch of that bronze skin
because letting this angel go should be a sin

my religious baby
so sweet and connected
completely patient
collected

you keep my fire burning
and these wheels turning
sweet darling of mine
i do believe we're wasting time
lets go out and explore
be my diamond forevermore

oh ****, that smile gives me butterflies
and holy hell my baby's style is another reason why

hes mine

that's right
all mine,
and my baby loves me too
i do assume
sugar darling, baby what would i do without you?