Wasting my time?
That's what you call this?
It's poetry!
It's self expression!
It's what I do when I'm not allowed to come right out and say it!
It's my escape!
It's my escape from you
Because you'll never read this,
Cause it's just a 'waste of time.'
Maybe there are 'more important things,'
Yeah... To you!
But this is my life!
It's how I've gotten things off my chest for years.
And I'm not about to stop now!

And the walls kept tumbling down
In the city that we love
Great clouds roll over the hills
Bringing darkness from above

I like you...
Or at least the you in my head...
I like you...
Not one tear have I shed.
I smile at your picture.
You smile back at me.
Then I remember,
You don't really breathe.
You're not real at all...
You're just a poster on my wall.

I did what I love,
Now I pay the price.
My very happy weekend,
Now stalked by sleepless nights.
What have I become?
They've stripped me of my rights.
No longer have the option,
To do what I would like.

So goodbye dreams,
Goodbye dreams of mine.
Maybe just postponed,
Until I find the time.

And here I am again...
Been here so many times.
Why did I think you'd care?
Why did I think you'd pick me over her?

Is it because she's prettier?
Pretty...and shallow
No depth.

So yes,
Sure she's pretty.
So pretty, but so empty.

Young lion...
Young and naive lion...
Maybe you should've given me a little more time to move on before pouncing on him...

I'm pushing myself,
Farther than I should.
I'm about to go over the edge.
*I'm taking you with me

I let somebody know,
But they weren't who they're supposed to be.
So now you can't ever get close to me.
I'll push you away.

You tell me that I have a choice,
But we all know that's not true.
You tell me to do what I want,
But really it's what you.

You push me to do things I hate.
You hide it in your smile.
You don't really believe in me.
And you haven't for a while.

And finally the clouds are clearing up
When I wake up maybe I'll be strong and I'll
Just look around and scream that I know I am so enough
Those days of rain are finally paying off

So there we are,
You’re sitting in the chair,
Your dimpled smile,
My frizzy hair.
Being intrigued,
We stop and stare.
A friendly remark,
In which we share.
This could be something,
And I’m not scared.
I'm ready.

Real friends will comfort you,
When you are a mess.
Fake friends will compliment you,
When wearing a cute dress.
Real friends look after you,
Saying no,
Don't date that guy.
Fake friends will tell you,
He's cute, give it a try.
And when your heart breaks,
And then your world shakes,
You haven't cried so much in years.
Your real friends shine through,
To dry up all your tears.

What a *****.

Everything happens for a reason.
From even the smallest of things,
We can learn.
Every person,
No matter how briefly they enter our lives,
Did so for a reason.
It's hard to imagine that is so,
But picture if someone or something hadn't happend.

Next time you question why or how,
Ask yourself what you should be learning.
Find the reason.

Staring wide-eyed in the mirror,
I think back to first grade.
Remember that little girl who wanted nothing more than to grow up?
Strong,
Independent,
Pretty,
Smart.
I study my reflection.
I just don't want to let her down.

There are so many opportunities that I have deprived myself of.
So many things that I said 'no' to out of pure fear and awkwardness.
I guess that I'm too quick to judge things.

At the time, I thought I'd made the right decision,
But now, all I have are the after tastes of regret.

Often people with addictions face relapses.
Turn around,
To end up right back where they started.
Well I'm not addicted,
But everytime I convince myself not to love you,
I look into your eyes,
And there I am.
Right back at the start.
*If only you felt the same way about me.

And something deep in the back of her mind aches.
Yes,
That one part from so long ago.
She almost had forgotten about its existence.

Almost.

Every time she tries to forget,
It gets hungry,
And he craves the attention he thinks he deserves.

What to do,
When you’re hopeless and helpless.
What to say,
When all you want is to be heard.
Where to go,
When all you want is to be gone.
Who to love,
When all you want is to be sure.
How to get there,
When you’ve been replaced by her.

I feel so restricted.
So held back.
So much I want to do,
but it's just out of my reach.
It's the worst kind of pain,
When you know when and where,
Just you don't know how.

Hey guys!
It's been awhile, but I'm back. I've come to terms with the things that were troubling me. I started a new account but I never really wrote anything good on it...

Well that's all.
I'll be posting here again.

-AMT

My ears are constantly ringing.
It's my mind,
Trying to match a sound to this awful silence.

He'll  hate me if I do,
I'll hate me if I don't.
I am only one person,
Just doing what she won't.

Sometimes,
If you hit rock bottom with enough force,
You'll bounce right back up,
And make a hole in the ceiling.

So if you feel yourself falling,
Don't try to grab on,
Brace yourself for the landing,
Or go down proud.

My life is a rollercoaster.
I'm on my way up,
Meaning this is going to be a hell of a fall.

Nothing really scares me.
Not the dark, not the light,
Not animals, not bugs,
Not ghosts or scary movies.

We're both pulling.
Even if I pull harder,
I end up with the rope burn.
And suddenly I'm pushing you away.
You know too much.

And that terrifies me.

I cannot romanticize anymore,
For my brain is fresh out of 'bright blue eyes' and 'kind smiles,'
Forcing me to look behind the beautiful smiles,
And understand that I can't have you.

I cannot romanticize anymore,
For that rosy shade of optimism has faded from my glasses,
Forcing me to look at people closely,
At who they are,
And not who I'd like them to be.

We're like cliffs.
Never moving, ever changing.

We're like a dog chasing its tail.
Round and round until he's dizzy and gives up.

Either way,
We're not going anywhere.

he arrived on a friday
with fiery eyes,
to lavishly feast on my neck.

i anxiously waited
with flames in my palms,
to fill up the hole in my chest.

he's animalistic
with embers for hands,
eager to launch his attack.

watching his freckles
as my frame engulfs:
he takes away my holy breath.

In my head,
You’re perfect.
You’re never wrong.
Never a bad decision,
Always where you belong.
But I chose to ignore the rumors,
Some which could be true.
I refuse to believe,
Anything bad about you.

And my heart stopped when I saw him.
I wanted to run,
Into his arms,
Or away forever?

Running.
An activity that you hate,
But love at the same time.
It hurts.
But it's the good kind of hurt.
The kind of pain that is only accompanied
With hard work and determination.
You push yourself.
More than you thought possible.
You can't make it.
You won't make it.
And somehow,
You always do.

But then there it is.
The fall.
The hard ground does not forgive.
Thud
And suddenly,
You are stuck.

And those shoes.
Those neon Nike track spikes,
That you'd waited all year-365 days- to wear.
Sold.

So maybe you're not cutout for this.
Maybe there's a higher plan.
I'll wait.

Yesterday, you walked
Today, you ran.
Tomorrow you'll fly.

And there he goes with such determination in his walk, sparkles in his eyes, as he chases after her.

I guess I know the feeling...
Hopelessly falling for someone who'll never catch you, but we comfort ourselves in lies, like
'Next time will be better'
'I'm different now'
But no. It's the same circle over and over.

*Over  and over  and over

There’s always a princess,
Always a prince.
Always a castle,
Been the same since...
Always very,
Far from real.
He’ll pull out a ring,
And then will kneel.
Always the same,
Cliche happy ending.
But did you ever think?
That they were all pretending?

Then they all live,
Sappily ever after.

You've made me angry,
You've made me sad.
You've made me happy,
You've made me mad.
You've made me jealous,
You've made me blue,
You've made me think,
So much about you.

I've made you happy,
I've made you sad.
I've let you down,
I've made you glad.  
I've made you strong,
I've made you weak,
I've witnessed your lowest,
I've witnessed your peak.

You've made me feel,
All of the above, too,
But most of all,
You've made me love you.

You've broke my heart,
I've heard you lie,
We've said hello,
Now say good bye.

It could’ve been perfect.
Wonderful.
Amazing.
Just what I wanted,
Just what we wanted.
But I was afraid.
I was scared,
Of what others might think,
So I turned away,
And it still kills me inside.
Because I know,
How you felt the same,
But we were both too scared,
To admit it….
Yet.

Tiled white floor.
Off-white walls.
Lights are half off,
So is my brain.

She cries cause she didn't make the shots.
I cry cause I didn't take the shots.
She scored,
I didn't.
You win.
I lose.
...Always.

How ironic it is
That your tattoo is a scorpion.
What a majestic creature,
Holding it's head high,
Charming those around it.
But do tell me,
When do you sting?

I'm the safety net.
I'm the fall back on,
Backup plan.

If I remember correctly,
I hesitated before saying yes.
I failed to get to know you.
I knew about you,
And I loved the idea of you,
But neglected to see the real you.
I dove in too soon and the water was shallow.
Hit my head on the bottom.
And didn't learn until it stopped hurting.
Although when I think back now,
The whole thing was a waste of time.

And the glass.
It has broken.
Shattered.

The pieces lie helplessly undone,
On the floor.

You can't ever fully put it back together.
Sure you can glue the big parts to each other.
You can paint over the cracks,
And you can attempt to fill in the holes,
But it will never be the same.

And maybe you'll cut yourself as you clean up the mess.
Maybe a shard will slip into your delicate little finger.
But you will heal.
You will...

Losing sleep,
Can't close my eyes.
Counting sheep,
But I've been over this a thousand and five times,
Asking why,
You're still on my mind.

Suggest one thing,
Get shot down.
Suggest another,
Shot down again.
Apparently my ideas are 'outrageous,'
Or 'unrealistic.'
So I keep asking myself,
How do I stay afloat?

You can break my bones,
But you can’t break my spirit.
Got something to tell me?
Come now,
Let’s hear it.
I don’t give a ****,
On what you think.
Because I’ll be out of here,
Before you can blink.
I’ve got a plan,
And it’ll work out,
But if you ever need me,
Just give me a shout.

Sing to me softly,
For it's been a long journey,
Full of harsh noises that have come to corrupt my once pure eardrums.

Sing to me sweetly,
For the air here is not clean,
Full of subtance that has managed to pollute my no longer ****** lungs.

Sing to me gently,
For holes have weathered my façade,
Full of craters like the ones on the moon, however, mine are quite earth bound.

And finally, sing me to sleep.
Shut my eyes; let my mind run blank.
And when I wake up and enter the state where I'll have no recollection of who or where I am,
Keep me there.

Singing is my way out.
It's like breathing.
It's natural to me.
I know I'll never make it big,
But I can't stand not trying.
You just have no idea how much I want this.
It's killing me.

And maybe deep down you feel it too.
Maybe you're just too afraid to say.

Maybe you just want to be friends,
And I'm fine with that.

You've got a beautiful smile.
I love it when you smile,
And when I'm the one who caused it.

Heart is heavy.
Just want to sleep.
Don't want my alarm clock,
To shout its morning beep.
Why can't I be like Sleeping Beauty?
Sleeping her life away,
And then when she does wake up,
A handsome prince awaits.  
But what if she didn't love him?
That would be quite the plot twist.
What if she didn't like him?
Cause things that perfect don't exsist.