She's clueless.
Clueless and empty.
I know it,
She knows it,
We all know it.


*Why doesn't he?

If only everyone would say how they felt...
The world would be a lot better...
Or a lot worse!

Crowded basement,
Come as strangers,
Leaving as new found friends.

Memories of the trails on the backs our hands.
Growing each day,
Digging in sand.
Skin on skin and the nights I can't forget.
It's good to be young.
Too young to regret.

I miss the days where nothing mattered at all,
And now all I can think about
Is how I could fall.
I miss the days where I could talk to the trees
And imagine the world
As if they'd talk back to me

I always believed it was my fault,
When it was completely yours.
Because I thought I loved you,
And did not love myself.

2 years ago today.
Doesn't feel like it...
I didn't understand before.

I think that now I do.

If you kissed me now,
I would forgive you forever.
If you grabbed my hand,
Let go?
I would never.
If you held me close,
I would love you more than ever.
But will you?
Never.

The told us this would happen,
They told we'd grow up.
They told us to expect it.
They told us what to do.
But they didn't tell us that it would be so hard!

And this feeling- it's a choking sensation. It's this feeling of being held back.
Helplessness.
Trudging through each day, regretfully awaiting the next, I try and I try, but can't seem to care, can't seem to improve.
My opinion is no longer valid and I am no longer allowed to do what I love. I no longer have control.

What I love vs. What I should do

Why would you even try,
Try to make me cry?
Why would you even disguise,
Disguise all of your lies.

Maybe you forgot,
About me,
About you,
About us.

So all I ask is why.
Just…
Why?

To everyone who:
Doubts me,
Uses me,
Rejects me,
Hates me,
Back-stabs me,
And thinks of me as a back up plan,

I swear,
Someday, I'm going to make you regret it.

It's funny,
In a kind of sick, backwards way.

I used to be so set on everything being perfect, and I wouldn't be content with myself until I knew I tried to get it right. It's weird... The first time I was 'good,' not 'great,' I cried. Oh, what I'd do to be 'good.'

And I'm still the same...I guess.
I'd like to be perfect,
Or at least close to...
I'd like to be good at everything,
But I lack the drive that I used to manage so well.
I've stopped caring,
It's broken,
And I can't bring myself to *want * to fix it...

She makes him happy,
But I wish she didn't exsist.

He says he loves her,
But I wish he still loved me.

Jealous isn't the word,
But I wish I were her.

The worst kind of reply is none at all,
Because it gives me time to rip myself apart.
And list all the thing’s I should’ve said,
And all the things I did.
Why build someone up just to let them down?

It'***** or miss,
And now you know.
You either love me back,
Or let me go.

Wide eyes,
Big heart,
Bigger dreams.

Ever have those moments,
Where you just let everything build,
And from the littlest things,
You break?

And something deep in the back of her mind aches.
Yes,
That one part from so long ago.
She almost had forgotten about its existence.

Almost.

Every time she tries to forget,
It gets hungry,
And he craves the attention he thinks he deserves.

Never close your eyes,

Never turn your back,

On what matters the most.



Who cares what you wore,

Or what she thought about your shoes.

You've got something.

Everyone's got something.


I ask one thing of you.

You're talented.

*Don't waste it.

I wish that I could find a way,
To tell you what I mean to say.
I wish that I could hit replay.
I wish that I could fly away.

In the dark,
In the backyard,
Right before you go away.
Just once.
4 simple seconds.

And I'd love to take you,
And care for you,
And fix you.

But that's a waste of time,
And not my job.

I'm not lonely when I'm alone.
And sometimes I find more comfort in myself than others.
Sometimes I like to put my head phones on and sit and think.
Sometimes I sit in my room all by myself and write for hours and hours and hours.
Sometimes everything anyone does has the capacity to bother me.
Sometimes I like being alone.

Because you're prettier.
You're skinnier.
Your hair is always perfect,
Skin is always smooth.
So go on.
Don't let me be in your way.
Run off with him.
Because 9 years means nothing.

If only I could tell you,
If only you could know.
If only there was a map,
To tell me where to go.
If only I could explain,
If only I could share.
If only I could find a way,
To get you to care.
But it's too far,
And it's too hard to do,
When I'm feeling lonely,
If only I had you.

'We' are not a thing.
'Us' does not exist.
I am not your 'girl,'
And I am not your 'friend.'

It makes me half-way-cringe to say it,
But I'm not really good at much...

The little girl who could be whatever she wanted. Where did she go, where did she go?

My heart.
It wasn’t yours to keep.
My eyes.
Are wet with tears.
My hand.
You are the reason its cold.
And I,
Am broken to pieces.

Then you go,
And break my heart.
Then you disappear,
Right before my eyes.
Then you go,
and let go of my hand.
And I,
Am left without you.

My heart.
Is now stronger than ever.
My eyes.
Roll at the sight of you.
My hand.
Is balled into a fist.
And I,
Am not yours.

I see you again,
You stand by the door,
Laughing with friends,
I look to the floor.
Hello, you say,
I smile and wave.
I hop in the car,
And drive away,
And though I'm gone,
You still dance on my brain.

I just want to be good enough at something or good enough for someone.

That's all.

Caught between what I'd like to do,
What I can do,
And what I'm forced to do.

'Love is dead,' she said.
As she closed her eyes,
She counted ten.

When I look at you,
You turn away.
Away to dream of yesterday,
Before you knew,
Darling,
Before you knew...

There are certain things in life that we just can't have.

It's funny.

These are the things we always want most.

Did I try my hardest?
Was it really my best?
Did I get an A plus,
Or did I fail the test?
Is the game over?
Did it just begin?
Am I kicked out,
Or am I welcomed in?
I don't want to stay,
But I don't want to go.
Questions, all these questions.
One answer: I don't know.

And now she's home.
Sure,
I missed her...
But now he won't be talking to me any time soon...

Sometimes,
Turning the page is just what I need.
Sometimes,
It's best to sit back and let others lead.
Sometimes,
Getting lost is really good to do.
And sometimes,
It's best to just start over new.

Everything happens for a reason.
From even the smallest of things,
We can learn.
Every person,
No matter how briefly they enter our lives,
Did so for a reason.
It's hard to imagine that is so,
But picture if someone or something hadn't happend.

Next time you question why or how,
Ask yourself what you should be learning.
Find the reason.

Take me back,
To that one night,
Where we laughed around the fire,
And the stars were bright.
For a split second,
It felt so right.
Before you left the country,
Before the plane took flight.

If I'm right,
I'm wrong.
If I'm wrong,
I'm still wrong.
There's no way out.
It's an endless game,
In which I can never win.

Because I don't care enough to want to learn this.

I keep telling myself that I can do better,
While wondering why I don't.

I know where to go,
I know what to do,
But I don't know if I would,
And I don't know how.

it's a terrible thing
when we lose the ones
we need the most.

They think their words don't hurt her.

They think she'll always be there.

They do.

*And she won't.

You tell me that I have a choice,
But we all know that's not true.
You tell me to do what I want,
But really it's what you.

You push me to do things I hate.
You hide it in your smile.
You don't really believe in me.
And you haven't for a while.

Nobody won;
We all lost.
But who cares.
Game Over

And suddenly I realize:
I can do this...

So know you know...
My walls are down,
My scars are open.
When you look into my eyes,
They're not diamonds,
They're knives.
I still melt,
But out of pure fear.
I'm afraid of what you think of me.
I'm vulnerable.
And you know.

And no matter what I do, you'll never look at me the same way that you look at her.
Sure,
She's prettier and flirtier,
She knows what to do in this kind of thing.

But me?
I've got a dream,
And just watch me make it a reality.