I have a bad habit of ******* things up,
And an even worse habit of not realizing that.
You seem really nice,
And I'd like to get to know you,
But I'm afraid to tell you.
Guess I'm just really good at pushing people away.

I'm fragile.
I'll shatter.
I'm a glass bottle,
On the pavement.
Please.
Please Don't drop me.

This could be amazing.
This could be everything I've ever wanted.

But it could also be worse.
I could just end up broken.

So I'll push you away.

*I just don't want get hurt again.

We're like cliffs.
Never moving, ever changing.

We're like a dog chasing its tail.
Round and round until he's dizzy and gives up.

Either way,
We're not going anywhere.

He'a a tornado. He's enchanting to watch, he leaves me dizzy for days, but he blows me away whenever I try to get close.
And he's a hurricane. His impact is powerful, it warns that I hide. But I drown in his eyes whenever I try to speak.

Us together feels natural.

*Us together is a disaster.

The winter months approach,
The sun has given up,
For our cold hearts freeze the light in others.

We hide indoors,
And beneath layers and layers of coats.
Blankets wrap us in the last bits of hope,
That for some odd reason,
We continue to cling to.

The floor has given up,
The walls are caving in.

The crack grows larger.

We will fall.

But surely in the spring,
We shall all bounce back,
But for now,
It's too cold outside for angels to fly.

And suddenly,
This love,
It's a game of ping pong,
Whenever I strike,
You just return the hit,
But you've got the advantage.

Back and forth,
To and from.
Hit bounce hit bounce.
Soon the ball moves quickly from my side to yours

Our paddles swing rapidly,
Like a kayak on a strong current.

We wash up on the shore,
We sit and watch the sunset.
It's beautiful.
You look at me.
"I love you."
We look into each other's eyes.
It's intense,
But we lean in...

Ow!
Another daydream...
And I just got hit in the eye with the ball.

And the spark turns to a flame.
It grows.
Hotter and hotter.

Setting this room ablaze.

The whole sky will be black.
BlackAndRed.
And soon smoke will rise,
Up,
Into the atmosphere.

And nothing,
Nothing
Can contain this passion,
This desire,
This conflagration,
This fire!

Nothing can put out the flames,
Deep,
Deep
Deep
Deep
Within.

I don't want to be like her.
I simply want what I deserve.
But you fell for her.

I don't want you to know,
I don't want to let you go.
But you saw right through me.

I don't want to change my mind,
I just want you to be mine.

And you're not.


Of course.

Maybe it's for real,
But we know its a joke.
But they're cute together.

And I don't mind.

So we'll sit.
Watch the 'love,'
Watch the cars,
As they quickly drive by.

I close my eyes,
I think of you.
I open my eyes,
I think of you.
I wish I would forget you,
But that just might be worse.

It's a shame.
I pity you.
I feel bad that you think you must do that.
So go on,
**** in your cheeks and show off the dimples you don't have. Stick your chest out, hide the chalkboard that is really there. And let every boy in town write on it.
As you seek the attention that you thrive on,
We'll be watching,
Waiting.

Me and you.
Is it a problem,
Or a solution?

Caught between the screen and the glass.
Please release me.

And I could shout it to the world,
And you still wouldn't hear.
I could push you away,
But I'd still want you near.
Foolishly I fall.
I never seem to learn.
Everyone seems happy,
When will it be my turn?

I know I shouldn't feel this way,
I know that you're not good.
But I can't bring myself to say,
Though I know that I should.

Stuck in reverse,
While others move with ease.
Things are turning up,
For everyone but me.

And I can't fight it.
I know how I feel, but never would I say it.
I,
I can't.
But I care about him.
Truly,
Deeply,
Care.
And her?
She wants a hand to hold,
An arm for her shoulder,
And open arms for her embraces.
And he cares for her.
Truly,
Deeply,
Cares.

And so do I,
But differently.
She's his,
He's hers,
She's my best friend,
And I want him to be mine.

The classic story that ends in two friends agreeing to never fight over guys.
So we won't fight over guys,
*But how can I fight how I feel?

But I don't want to make it more complicated.
This love triangle has spun into a spider web,
And I mustn't get stuck in the middle,
For in this web,
I would be the prey.
I do not want to get hurt,
But dare I surrender?

The snow starts to fall,
But does not yet stick.
The air smells of frigid,
And my coat becomes thick.
The delicate snowflakes,
Always a charm.
It's getting cold.
And I need your warm arms.

If only you could tell,
If only you could know.
I call your cell,
But nobody's home.
It is you that I lack.
I miss your presence beside me,
But I know you're up there,
To watch and to guide me.

You're always happy.
It's a front.
It's a mask for the hurt that hides beneath those cold brown eyes.
Your mouth smiles but your eyes do not,
Nor does your heart.
It frowns and sighs deeply,
Longing for the trust and love it deserves.

Always happy,
Always nice,
Always there.
Doormat.

I know there's more,
But everyone uses you to wipe off their ***** feet between the outside and the inside.
You know, and think hey, at lease I'm not a toilet!
The optimist,
But why?

I saw it.
You smiled, but for a second it faulted.

All of the hurt,
Hate,
And Hard work,
Hides a soul.
It desperately wants, it needs outoutout,
And all it gets is trappedtrappedtrapped.
And it all hides,
In your sad brown eyes,
Behind that hopeless smile.

Staring wide-eyed in the mirror,
I think back to first grade.
Remember that little girl who wanted nothing more than to grow up?
Strong,
Independent,
Pretty,
Smart.
I study my reflection.
I just don't want to let her down.

Because I don't care enough to want to learn this.

It's Monday.
Most people hate Mondays. Back to school, back to work, back to losing sleep. I don't particularly enjoy them either, but today is different. Today, I feel like this is the start of a new week. Last week was tough and all, but its all over now... Monday. We all want to curl back up under the covers in a cocoon of blankets. But Monday. All of last week's hardships are through. Gone. Over.

Today is Monday, November 12th, 2012.
There will never be another. Ever

Monday.
It's only a bad day if you make it one.

I will not kiss up to you.
I will not do what you want me to.
I will never ever come back.
I promised that I wouldn't do that.
And I'll pretend the feelings aren't there,
Cause I know that I shouldn't care.
I remember sleepless nights,
I remember all the fights.
You expect me to be at your door,
I will not do that anymore.

He worked so hard,
And they let him go.
He turned to the darkness,
And it swallowed him whole.
He was addicted,
Could not stop.
He was restricted,
Could not reach the top.
Nowhere to turn,
And nowhere to go,
How all this happened?
He doesn't know.
And there he is,
Sitting by the store.
Some will help,
But most will ignore.
We judge him,
Though we might not mean,
We think less of him,
Like he's not on our team.
But it wasn't his fault,
He did nothing wrong.
We all think it was,
Like he could've stayed strong.
But we don't get it.
We don't know,
For all we see,
Is some guy by the road.

6 strings,
Endless possibilities.
Happiness.

Did I try my hardest?
Was it really my best?
Did I get an A plus,
Or did I fail the test?
Is the game over?
Did it just begin?
Am I kicked out,
Or am I welcomed in?
I don't want to stay,
But I don't want to go.
Questions, all these questions.
One answer: I don't know.

You.
You bring me so much happiness.
I smile when you glance at me.
I smile when I dream about what we could've had.

You.
You bring me so much pain.
I hate it when I glance at you.
I dream about what we don't have.


I love you
I hate you
I love you,
I love you



He loves me,
He loves me not,
He loves me,
He loves me not.
*He loves me not.

So know you know...
My walls are down,
My scars are open.
When you look into my eyes,
They're not diamonds,
They're knives.
I still melt,
But out of pure fear.
I'm afraid of what you think of me.
I'm vulnerable.
And you know.

It'***** or miss,
And now you know.
You either love me back,
Or let me go.

Please get out of my mind,
For my thoughts feel unsafe,
With you wandering through them.
I don't want to say I feel this way,
And I can't say it,
But I know it's true.

Number 1:
He's got beautiful dimples and the most wonderful smile I've ever seen... Like, ever. Library guy. Talked to him for like 5 minutes, but I'd relive those 5 little minutes any day. I don't really know him, but I'd like to get to know him. Only problem is that we never seem to be in the same place at the same time.

Number 2:
We are so alike. It's almost scary! We're into the same kind of things and seem to get each other. We tried and it didn't really work, but I believe that the feelings are still there. Only problem is that  he's got a girlfriend and he's head over heels for her.

Number 3:
We've known each other for like.. Ever. I've always liked him. Through every little crush, every little fling, I've never stopped thinking about him. He's beautiful. Drop.Dead.Gorgeous. He's smart. He's talented. But all he wants is to be popular and he often loses himself. Only problem is that everyone else feels the same way about him.

Which problem would I like to solve?

He loves her. He loves her. The words sting. All of the gifts. Everywhere we went. Everything we did. It meant nothing to him. He loves her. He loves her. I don't want to be jealous and I refuse to say it. I can't. Maybe I'm just upset that its really over. I haven't seen him in so long. Even if I do, he loves her.

Breathe. It's over.
Completly, 100% over.
When he looks at you he sees nothing but human. Nothing...
Anymore...



Maybe...



He loves her.
She loves him,
*But so do I?

He's perfect.
So perfect.
His eyes shimmer like diamonds,
And diamonds are a girl's best friend.
And when he smiles,
The whole room just lights up,
Like fireworks on the Fourth of July.
When he looks into my eyes,
Just like candy on a hot summer day,
I melt.
As perfect as he is,
He's sometimes self centered.
He wants too badly to be popular,
All he wants is for people to like him.
But still,
All I want is to make him mine.

She makes him happy,
But I wish she didn't exsist.

He says he loves her,
But I wish he still loved me.

Jealous isn't the word,
But I wish I were her.

I know I'm not good at it.
I know I could improve,
But I don't think I care enough to try.

If I'm right,
I'm wrong.
If I'm wrong,
I'm still wrong.
There's no way out.
It's an endless game,
In which I can never win.

Don't say it.
I don't want to hurt you,
But I can't lie.

Don't say it.
I don't want to tell you,
But you leave me no choice.

Don't say it.
I don't want to see you cry,
But I can't say it back.

Don't say it.
Please don't say it.
Don't say you love me.

It's been a rough week,
But it's finally ending.
Finally I can sleep.

A lot of things that I didn't do,
And a lot more that I should've.
Accomplished a lot,
Let a lot of people down.
Helped others,
But hurt them more.
Didn't reach goals,
Or due dates.
Forgot to forget how to fail.

But at last,
I can finally shut my eyes,
And drift off to somewhere else
Somewhere far, far away.

I can put away my socks,
My shin guards,
My cleets.
Soccer is over,
There aren't any more meets.
It makes me so sad,
That our season has ended,
But I am so glad,
So many I've befriended.
This season has flown by,
Faster than a happy dream.
I've had such a wonderful time,
Playing on this team.

I miss the days,
When I couldn't reach the cereal,
When I couldn't see out of the car window.
I miss the days of simplicity.
I miss the days,
When I was a princess,
When I was an astronaut.
I miss the days when I could be both.
I miss not having to make decisions.
I miss when stress and heartbreak only happened,
On TV shows that no longer exsist.
Oh, how I miss the days,
When I didn't have to care.

Searching for what isn't obvious.
Everyone has a story,
That they'd like someone to listen to.
Searching...
Looking...
When I look into their eyes,
Who is really looking back?

Pining for someone who I've spoken to only twice.
Do I believe in love at first sight?
Will he feel the same way?
He probably won't remember me.
But that's okay.
Because there's something special,
Or at least I'd like to convince myself that there is...

Trapped inside of something that you built to help yourself. Something so good that soon goes so bad. Like a sweet candy that leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. The ones we thought we loved, we grew to hate. The ones who we went to became the ones to avoid. In this strange place called the 'real world' there's no telling what could happen next.
And suddenly, I want to go back. Back to the days of juice boxes, and building blocks. Back to when the biggest challenge was coloring in the lines.
But it's a vicious cycle.
All we wanted then was to grow up, and now all I want is to go back.
But we can't.

Self doubt,
Bottled up feelings,
Uncertainty.
What to do next?
Where to go now?
How?
But it's not a question,
It's the answer.
Do something.
Go somewhere.
There is a way,
There is always a way.
There is an answers,
There is always an answer.
And sometimes,
The answer is not knowing.

Not everyone's going to like you,
Agree with you,
Or support you.
Not everyone's going to accept you,
Love you,
Or trust you.
So surround yourself with those who do.

Like who you're with,
And like who you are.
Make a wish,
On a shooting star.

To achieve your dreams,
Don't push or shove,
Love what you do,
And do what you love.

If things don't go the way you plan,
Don't give up,
Don't get mad.
It's up to you,
To change the game,
To free yourself,
To light the way.

It's been  a while,
Five months to be exact.
I miss your dimpled smile,
I wish I could go back.

I only saw you twice,
And it'd be a stretch to call it love,
But someone's looking out for me,
Someone up above.

A flower.
Opening up,
Seeing the sunlight.
For the first time.

Though it will not see the next spring,
It does its job,
And it does it well.

It's petals are frail,
But beautiful.
It can be broken,
But it's strong.

And as it's life nears the end,
It will slowly,
Gently,
Gracefully,
Crumble.
Until it is no more.

Next spring, another flower will repeat the process.
Like a horse,
Running in circles.

Year after year,
Month after month.
Retrieving sunlight,
Letting out beauty,
Wilting,
And crumbling to the ground.

A flower.
Opening up,
Seeing the sunlight.
For the first time.