Talking.
Words flying through my head at a million miles an hour.  Usually I'm really good at talking. Sometimes I just can't shut up!


But when I'm with you,
I just don't even know
what
to
say.

You're only talking to me because she's gone.
I know.
But I've got nothing better to do...

If only everyone would say how they felt...
The world would be a lot better...
Or a lot worse!

Some people hear voices.
Others hear music,
But the type that only is heard beneath their skulls.
Me?
I hear words.
Poems,
Lyrics,
Stories,
That have yet to he written down.
Sometimes I love it.
Other times it drives me crazy.

If you aren't playing fair,
Then why should I?
And besides,
He's the one who called first.

I don't know what I was thinking.
No, don't apologize,
It's not anyone's fault.
Just me...
hoping...


That's all.

And he didn't text.
He didn't call.
Didn't write 'Happy Birthday!'
On my Facebook wall.

So when I blow out my candles,
There's one wish I must do.
Not to be yours,
But to get over you.

Later they say,
Later.
It gets better,
Trust us.

And there he goes with such determination in his walk, sparkles in his eyes, as he chases after her.

I guess I know the feeling...
Hopelessly falling for someone who'll never catch you, but we comfort ourselves in lies, like
'Next time will be better'
'I'm different now'
But no. It's the same circle over and over.

*Over  and over  and over

And the glass.
It has broken.
Shattered.

The pieces lie helplessly undone,
On the floor.

You can't ever fully put it back together.
Sure you can glue the big parts to each other.
You can paint over the cracks,
And you can attempt to fill in the holes,
But it will never be the same.

And maybe you'll cut yourself as you clean up the mess.
Maybe a shard will slip into your delicate little finger.
But you will heal.
You will...

To the times I said I wouldn't like you,
But I'd look into your eyes,
And every ounce of self control,
Couldn't fight away the butterflies.
For the tongue tied moments when I'd see you,
And every pretty, witty thing I ever wanted to say,
Completely left my mind.
To every awkward silence,
Where I was too busy daydreaming,
To say anything meaningful.

What is love?
Is it like a one way street,
Where you either go with it,
Or you get run over?




So this is for the newly weds.
The lovers,
The taken,
The single.
It's for the heartbroken,
The confused,
The lost,
And the gone.


*What is love?

And here I am again...
Been here so many times.
Why did I think you'd care?
Why did I think you'd pick me over her?

Is it because she's prettier?
Pretty...and shallow
No depth.

So yes,
Sure she's pretty.
So pretty, but so empty.

So this is the thanks I get for saying what I feel. This is what I get for thinking that I actually had a chance.
If only people could love with their hearts, not their eyes.

You can have him.
Even though I like him a lot, probably more than you, he doesn't like me. He likes you. So you can have him...I guess.
You can have him, because with you, he'd be happy.
I like it when he's happy.
I know it seems unfair to me, but life isn't fair. I never come out on top with this kind of thing, so what made this time different?  
Maybe it was his smile.
Maybe it was his laugh.
Maybe it was that he'd actually want to talk to me...
But it was only to get closer to you...As it always is.
So you can have him.
At least one of us can be happy...

Today started bad, but ended better.
Waking up from my half-slumber in Social Studies,
I was remind that I don't have to be perfect, I have to be me.
It's weird because we focus on those who don't accept us, trying to change to fit their standards, but we don't realize the wonderful people who do.

Do what you love,
Chase what matters,
And always be yourself.

And you'd tell me everything.
You'd let me in on the deepest, winding secrets of your mind. The dark twisted paths that sometimes dead ended or continued for eternity. You brought me to the places that smelled musty of old memories and to ever going trains of thought.

And you'd tell me everything.
Big things, little things, anything you wanted to,
And I was more than happy to listen.

It makes me half-way-cringe to say it,
But I'm not really good at much...

The little girl who could be whatever she wanted. Where did she go, where did she go?

And this feeling- it's a choking sensation. It's this feeling of being held back.
Helplessness.
Trudging through each day, regretfully awaiting the next, I try and I try, but can't seem to care, can't seem to improve.
My opinion is no longer valid and I am no longer allowed to do what I love. I no longer have control.

What I love vs. What I should do

I hold my breath when he isn't around,
But I don't breathe when he's near.

I know that nothing will feel sweeter than that long, well deserved release.

But until then,
I need to survive the suffocation.

I like him,
He likes her,
She likes him.

I should just get out of the way...

And there it was again.

As I entered the room, our eyes met, yours icy cold, mine on the edge of tears, and for a moment I thought you knew. I'm not sure what it was... A mixture of disgust, shame, pity, and maybe a bit of understanding. What gave it away? How do you always know exactly what goes one deep within my thoughts?

I'm trying so hard and it's never good enough. I don't even care about my high standards for myself anymore, for I'm lucky to even meet the expectations of others. I'm watching everything that I'd gripped on to for so long and so tightly slip right out of my hands. The worst part is all I can do is sit and watch.

I'm not a quitter,
But I don't fight in the one's I always lose.

All these poems about love,
And kissing,
And falling for someone.

It seems as if I only write poems of heartbreak.

They don't notice the way I look at him.
She doesn't realize that she's tearing me apart.
He doesn't see that I'm trying.








                                                                                                                                              Nobody does.

You say it's a 'right.' You say it's  allowed to have these- These killing machines. Things are different now. We don't need this, for things have changed.

You just won't give up, huh?
Is it a pride thing? Does it make you feel powerful? Important?
Knowing that the lives of everyone around you,
Cower in the palm of your hand?


And with the simple jolt of a hand,
20 innocent children are dead.

You wouldn't dare say he had the 'right,'
Would you?

It's liberating,
The truth.

Telling what matters the most,
To those who matter the most.

The things we take for granted,
a gunshot away from being gone.

I like him.
He likes her.
Happily ever after,
But I get burned.

It's awful,
What happened....

It was a normal day.
The sky was blue,
The grass was green.
We woke up,
Brushed our teeth,
Went along with our lives.
Little did we know...
Little did they know.

The worst part is,
It could've been any of us.

Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you?
Float down
Like autumn leaves
Hush now
Close your eyes before the sleep
And you're miles away
And yesterday you were here with me

Another tear
Another cry
Another place for us to die
It's not complicated

This love is like a game of  hide and seek,
Except you're always
Hiding,
And I can never find













                                                   ­                         *you.

You know what I never understood,
Still don't,
And never will?

Why do we try harder on the things we're bad at?
In the end we'll be better...
But imagine everyone trying hard in everything we're actually good at.
We'd all be better.

Okay is less than great

Do we want a world of okay people or great people?




But it's not up to me...
So whatever

"Everyone goes through this,"
They say 'comfortingly.'
Maybe they go through something like this,
But not this.
They don't get it.
No one does.
Sometimes even I don't,
But the burning...
It's changing me.

I want this so bad,
And everything wants so badly to hold me back.

I did what I love,
Now I pay the price.
My very happy weekend,
Now stalked by sleepless nights.
What have I become?
They've stripped me of my rights.
No longer have the option,
To do what I would like.

So goodbye dreams,
Goodbye dreams of mine.
Maybe just postponed,
Until I find the time.

If I were to the point where I am now two years ago,
I would've had a mental breakdown




*...oh... wait....

It's funny,
In a kind of sick, backwards way.

I used to be so set on everything being perfect, and I wouldn't be content with myself until I knew I tried to get it right. It's weird... The first time I was 'good,' not 'great,' I cried. Oh, what I'd do to be 'good.'

And I'm still the same...I guess.
I'd like to be perfect,
Or at least close to...
I'd like to be good at everything,
But I lack the drive that I used to manage so well.
I've stopped caring,
It's broken,
And I can't bring myself to *want * to fix it...

The other day,
I saw a bear.
But it's all a front.
Under the hair,
The makeup,
The clothes hides a scared,
Confused,
Little girl.
The bear within cowers at the hunters,
But she acts strong.
She 'doesn't care.'
For a short period of time,
Even she began to believe it.
Caring only hurt her,
And all she wanted was to feel better,
But now it's worse.
Now the hole is deeper,
The scar more noticeable,
The vicious cycle unescapable.
Falling too fast to catch that branch on the way back down.

Just when all hope is gone,
Things just seem to move along.
From the long descent,
Waking from my hibernation.

It gets colder and colder.
Frozen
It's getting tighter and tighter.
Suffocation
And I'm ******* up everything.
Sinking
And the mess,
*It grows.

We see what's in the light.
What cowers in pure sight.
We see behind the fog.
We can guess of what lies beneath the curtains,
Of the monsters beneath our beds,
And sleeping in our closets.
What hides within the storm?
We cannot see what we don't know.
We can't see what's lurking in the shadows.
We aren't afraid of the dark,
We're afraid of the unknown.
Don't turn the light off.

*Not tonight

The thick fog outside covers my thoughts.
Everything is a blur.
Eyes slowly,
Slowly
Drifting,
Closing,
Shut.

Dear Future,
Oh! How I wish I knew of your winding secrets.

I'd do anything to know.

Endless nights thinking of my outcome.
Needless to say, I have some questions.
Do I marry someone nice?

Us...me and him...
Please, tell me it works out?

How will I look?
Am I successful?
Please.
Please.
You know the answer, all I've got are questions.
?

The stage
The lights
The people
The energy
The applause

The music
The costumes
The props
The set
The overture

The concert
The recital
The play
The performance
The dream.

Everything happens for a reason.
From even the smallest of things,
We can learn.
Every person,
No matter how briefly they enter our lives,
Did so for a reason.
It's hard to imagine that is so,
But picture if someone or something hadn't happend.

Next time you question why or how,
Ask yourself what you should be learning.
Find the reason.

If only I could tell you,
If only you could know.
If only there was a map,
To tell me where to go.
If only I could explain,
If only I could share.
If only I could find a way,
To get you to care.
But it's too far,
And it's too hard to do,
When I'm feeling lonely,
If only I had you.

They're out there.
Don't give up.
Not today,
Maybe tomorrow?

If I remember correctly,
I hesitated before saying yes.
I failed to get to know you.
I knew about you,
And I loved the idea of you,
But neglected to see the real you.
I dove in too soon and the water was shallow.
Hit my head on the bottom.
And didn't learn until it stopped hurting.
Although when I think back now,
The whole thing was a waste of time.

You tell me that I have a choice,
But we all know that's not true.
You tell me to do what I want,
But really it's what you.

You push me to do things I hate.
You hide it in your smile.
You don't really believe in me.
And you haven't for a while.