▲
i think
you only loved me
◀ because you thought ▶
i'd never love you
back.
▼

sometimes,
i think i could
be good for you:

press hot water bottles
to your aching jaw and
kiss the feeling back into
your sedated lips

pin myself beneath
the weight of your
medicated gaze and
tune my ears to
your slur.

he says
he doesn't know
who i am half the time,
but he calls me baby
like he's mine.

i want to
tuck songs
behind your
ear like loose
hair because
it's the only
way i can
tell you
how i
feel.

i can't have a drink just to relax:
not anymore, not after you.
when thoughts of
you take root,
i better be
door-frame
gripping
drunk,
even if
it's 10
in the afternoon.

when they drilled
into bone and sutured
my gums shut, i didn't think
about how the antiseptic didn't go that deep:
all i thought about was that
my face is just blood,
tired muscle,
and bone.

in a real shy voice
that you never use
you asked me if i still
felt like i used to.

and i'm so sick
of all the ******* between us,
so i told you point blank, yes.
i'm not getting
any better.