I'm so scared of the day when the future that I'm so terrified of
Is no longer the future

Roses are sprouting
The violets in bloom
The rain is falling hard
Just like I am for you

The more I talk to God,
The more I think he's not really listening
The more bad thoughts I have,
The more the ugly truth is leaving me wondering
The more I read the bible,
The more I realize I don't believe a word it says
The more I question,
The more secrets I can't confess
The more narrow minded my mother is,
The more she lets the light in so I can see
The more times I drink "the blood of Christ"
The more it feels like drinking the Kool Aid to me

She used to kneel before her bed every night
Praying to God
Make me beautiful,
Make me skinny
He didn't make her beautiful,
Or skinny
But he graced her with depression and anxiety
So she took matters into her own hands
And she now kneels in front of her porcelain throne
Hair in a messy bun, trying to keep quiet
And she prays
*Make me disappear,
Make me die

You're like a balloon
And if I let my guard down
You'll float away and I'll be alone
Honestly, the only thing worse
Than not having you
Is having you but feeling like I'm yours
But you're not mine
My jealousy will be our undoing
It's only a matter of time
Because love hurts
It's just a game of who gets it first
And we're playing Russian Roulette with our hearts
I'm so ******* paranoid that you're with girls that aren't me
And I know I have to leave you
Before you can leave me

My hands,
Flightless birds with parchment skin,
marked with scars, glowing white.
They turn blue when the weather is cold.
The old wives say to look for men
with hard-working scars on their palms.
But what of a woman with marked hands?

You were a dim light shining faintly in the dark;
I was a helpless moth drawn to your feeble glow.