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  Jan 2020 Ava May
zee
tired and almost died;
can i leave this pain behind
smiles and all the lies?
Ava May Nov 2019
I want to be able to say, "I have some bad days but I am doing a lot better". I want to get better. I am begging to not feel this way anymore. Living in this body, in this mind, is so ******* exhausting. I am trying. I am trying with everything in me to get better, to be happy, to not end everything. I am ******* trying.
Ava May Nov 2019
I think I am dying or maybe better off dying. My hands are shaking, my breath is uneasy, and my heart is starting to race. I feel you, I hear you, I taste you, I see you, and you are right here. My mind is trapped at this moment, for many different memories are rushing through. I need to get out of this maze because every way I turn it is a dead-end. A dead-end of you, your lips, your touch, your words, you. There is no way out of this maze. I can not breathe now, legs caved in, vision has gone blurry. I have no strength left, how will I survive this maze?
  Oct 2019 Ava May
avalon
depression is back like a prison sentence i forgot i was serving.
freedom felt like a vacation instead of a destination and
summer ended months ago.
there is so much more weight than there used to be but
there is also nothing there and i don't know
how to explain how much slower i'm walking.
i lie more, cry more, sit alone inside more and
i'm left wishing i could go home but
a little voice inside me says
you are.
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