Someday,
Someday soon,
It will be MY turn to run away.
And I will not waste it.
I've stood my ground and taken what came for most of my life,
Because I am more patient than I seem-
I always understood that it just wasn't time for that yet.
But what that means is that
When my time does come,
A lifetime's worth of
Let-Me-OUT
Will push me farther than you can imagine.
For my whole life, I've been gritting my teeth
And refusing to run from anything,
Even when I am squirming in my seat,
Longing to just say "**** it." and leave.
I've watched others bail on the tough things,
And squander their chances to break away
In little, meaningless acts of rebellion and frustration.
Not me.
I saved every ounce of it.
I held it all,
And I still hold it,
Because if I am going to diverge,
I am going to leave a gaping crater in this life where I used to be,
Not a little dent that will smooth right out
And pull me back to my "proper place".
I have always worked hard to stay
Because it is not time yet.
But my time
Is coming.
This has been the plan since I could think.
I have saved every indulgence,
Every relief,
Every escape
For that time.
Because when I do something,
I do it all the way.
I've been here, all the way, for my whole life.
And when I leave,
You can bet I will be gone, all the way.
And that is what keeps me breathing deep and accepting every "Not today" that binds me now-
The knowledge that I will have so much freedom to spend
When it finally is
**TIME.