i said,
the car carving its way around the mountainside,
"this is going to be the song i play when you leave me."

you used to smirk with this kind of arrogance,
like you knew so much better.

yet here we are, five months later,
and as she arched her hips into me,
the song played softly in the background.

and i've got to hand it to you -
it's like i finally figured out why you smiled.

because even at my most distracted,
fingers fumbling in someone else's hair
and testing the tenderness of her skin...

that song,
or maybe that memory,
still turned my head away from
her and back towards my phone, back
towards the missed calls and angry messages,
towards the accusations and the insults,
and it brought me away from her
and somewhere closer to you,
to the mountainside.
and it reminded me of the
pretty weather, those blue skies
and the rocks piled high around us,
and what seemed like a joke but maybe
turned out to be more like a promise.
and you smiled, because
it's almost like
you knew.

The last time that I wrote about you,
I talked about the artwork you left,
whispering secrets across my clavicle

Now I'm stuck gasping on words
and choking on feelings,
because lately the air's been a little different around here

It's been an uphill battle for the last six months,
and babygirl, we both were getting weary,
and we both needed a chance to sit down

But I haven't slept in days now,
and this fight is getting ridiculous
We both have a hard time admitting when things get out of hand

So if you could just hear me out,
take the time to listen to the things I have to say,
maybe we can work for something instead of against it

I will love you until the end of time
I want nothing but the best for you
I have given everything I could give you and I wish I could give more

And sometimes I talk too much
And I know that I am so spoiled and so selfish
And I know that it gets in the way of everything

I know that it makes it hard for you to understand
But you were the only thing that made sense anymore
And I don't want to lose that

So tell me what to do, or tell me what to say ,
because I don't know what to do with all this empty space
and I don't know what to tell the ghost you left behind

she maps out my skin like it's territory to be discovered,
tasting each inch and leaving broken blood vessels in her wake.
little flowers blossom on my skin,
leaving me her very own masterpiece,
one that would make Jackson ******* proud.
she sends shivers down my spine with the heat of her tongue.
and I can't help but go weak in the knees, to fold under her gaze. to ebb and flow with her like waves.
and as she sinks her teeth into my skin, she marks the spots that she likes best.

i want to feel your bones splinter
beneath my knuckles,
to feel the skeleton give way beneath my fingertips

i want to sear the flesh
of your skin with my own

i want to sink my teeth
into your shoulder
and your back
and your thighs

i want you to feel the pain i feel
i want you to hurt like me

i want your heart to break into
splinters and fragments,
i want to grind it into dust

so maybe,
just maybe,
you'll get to taste the bitterness you left in my mouth.

but most of all,
above everything,
i don't want any of that.
i don't want to hurt you at all.

you left me sore and aching,
and i don't know if my body
or my heart hurt more.
but i don't want it to stop.
these marks may fade
but you,
you, i'll hold onto.

thank you for the reminder
that my heart belongs
under lock and key

(ps: there's still a spare left under the mat)