It was past midnight and emotions were on full blast,
sifting through every ounce of my body until it
amounted to a complete numbness.

Or perhaps it was the liquor that resided so comfortably
within my system.

Regardless, you cornered yourself in my heart merely nine
months ago, and though you banished without hesitation,
a part of you still sticks to me like glue.

I wonder if I'm ever a thought
that dashes across your mind.

I guess I wouldn't know now.

--


The over-used phrase "I love you" had never poisoned the air
between me and a boy I admired.
[not until you]
I would swallow the words
before I made the mistake to reveal my heart.

It gets tattered and stepped on that way, you know.

Of course you knew.

I was draped in innocence
with a go-lucky demeanor and
an optimistic soul.

Maybe you liked that about me;

I guess I wouldn't know now.

--

I had never had someone fall so quickly
into the palm of my hand.
I was astounded and thrown off guard,
because here was a beautiful blue-eyed damaged soul
who bargained that I save him.

Sure, I put on my cape and soared
through your darkest thoughts,
hoping to eliminate them with a quirky
smile or to hold you so tightly I could feel
you breathe.

But you set me on a pedestal so high off
the ground that reality wasn't something
I could grasp anymore.

"You're perfect, everything about you is perfect."

I cringed at the word,
because I knew I nowhere near resembled perfection.

But you drowned me in pretty words that
made my heart smile.

You showed me off in public because
you were that proud to call yourself mine.

I thought I was enough, you
thought I was
enough.


I wasn't.

But you "really care about me",
right?


I guess I wouldn't know now.

--

I feel so simple-minded because
we barely had a chance;

it's for the better, I know.

but maybe someday the thought of
you won't make my stomach hurt.

Maybe ultimately,
we will be able to hold a conversation,
face to face,
without falling apart.

Or maybe
I really did love you;

maybe some twisted part of you
really did love me.

I guess I wouldn't know now.