Her wings are caught in a place she doesn't belong,
The suppressed words; the cuts from the thorns.
She feels trapped though they say she's free to go,
A highness so empty, it almost feels low.
She wants to fly, sore high and never return,
The memory so hazy, so blurred.
She falls on her broken dreams every now and then,
What and how, a question she asks often.
They hurt her, and ******* her soul,
She doesn't remember when she found herself in whole.
A lonely dream, in an awakened nightmare: her only fear.
A breathing feeling of breathlessness,
'Alive!' she says, nevertheless.

They told me to color within the lines.
Miss Teacher said it looks beautiful that way.
She told me to use more then just yellow and pink.

They told me to color the world correctly.
Miss Lady said it is normal that way.
She told me, “The grass isn’t yellow and the sky isn’t pink.”

They told me to color within the lines.
Miss Bossy said to be creative and use imagination.
She told me that I had to come away from just pink and yellow.

I told Miss Teacher to color outside the lines.
I said that it looks more better all pink and yellow.
I told her that she was too old to know what creativity is.

Miss Meanie told me to color within the lines;
And when I said pink and yellow is the bestest like lemonade!
She told me I was wrong and put me in time out.

It was a struggle.
My body’s natural reaction to heartbreak, tears flooded my eyes, making it impossible to see what was right in front of me, but when the tears cleared and my vision was refined, I saw I wasn't the only one hurting. It was a struggle. But life was moving forward and I couldn't be left in the dust. Now I seemed fine, good even. But only I knew the conflict constantly streaming through my mind. It was an epic  combat between my need to curl up in a ball and hide from the world and my egotistical want to put on a strong front. Eventually, after many battles between the two, I was okay again, just okay. My personality had adapted to deal with the pain, and now I was strong enough to leave the memories behind.
The memories were repressed, but the feelings never left.
All of those memories I had pushed to the back of my heart snapped back into place the second you kissed me. It felt like my life had been just a fraction of an inch off track and you made it slip right back into place. You always did have that effect on me. I was expecting for things to go back to the way they were but to my surprise, things were exceeding my expectations. Years had passed and we both changed, but the things that really mattered were indistinguishable. My love never faltered, even when the animosity seemed overwhelming. I knew hoped someday you would come back to me.
Now we can start our life together. The perfect cadence we seem to be in gives me tremendous hope that we will make “forever” look meager. This is what we both want, to live a life completely repleted with affection and lust, and I am determined to make it happen. I’ve never been so confident in a feeling; this is all such a new feeling. Having you by my side will make my life completely whole. A family, a home, filled to the brim with happiness and joy.
Perfection.
          March 29, 2013
   1 year,
  3 months,
  6 days,
19 hours,
2 seconds.

Every pen turned to crayons in my hand
Every letter undecipherable
Just a squiggle
No one knew what I was trying to say
But I drew beautiful pictures
Mom hung colors on the
Refrigerator

East-coasters, roller coasters
Churning up my innards
I am going home again!
Over mountains
Diving straight into the ocean
Fifteen hours
Driving
But (home is where the heart is)
(home is anywhere but here)
Home drowns hate in cool water
Swelling waves pull sadness down
Salt and sand scrub the scared off my skin
I will break the surface
Sacred
Free and clean again
East-coasters, brave little toasters
Cinnamon and sugar in the mornings
In my mind pictures are forming
Of pawprints in wet sand
And your hand in my hand
My seashell bra is coming off
The surf breaks over smooth rocks
Time swims on and on

Why won't time just
s l o w   t h e   *******   d o w n
for once?