These are words I hope I never have to say
And words I hope you never hear.
I only wish I could be a better friend
The friend you deserve, the friend you need
Who would have the strength for both of us
And all the right words, and all the patience I lack
You are my friend, and few people understand
What that even means.
And I thank you.

I only wish I could have saved you.
You are not dead, but you are gone.
You have not given up, but you've fallen silent
Just the same. I wish I could hear you sing again. with
Innocent love and childish joy
Instead of a bitter tongue.

But the birds are silent and the snow is cold.
If all my blood could save you,
If I could take your burden -- scar for scar
With the same hand biting my flesh --
I would in a heartbeat. I would fight
And scream and die for you
If it could save you.

There is so much more than now in this world
And it all works to bring us apart.
I cannot fight time, or passion, or you
Nothing remains but the past as I remember it
And you forget it.

I still wish I could save you.
Take my blood, for it is all I have to give.
Take my love, for it is not mine to keep.
It does not matter who you are
It does not matter if you are smart enough
Pretty enough
Good enough
Don't you see, it doesn't matter -- I pray,
I pray, if there is nothing I can do
Let someone save you.
You were my friend.

I am a child
Sleeping in a bed I don't belong in
Listening to the parents talk
About Stocks and Physics and Money and Future
And I hear how I must go to college
And be a scientist
Because that is what Good Kids do.

I am a student
Who confuses my teachers
Who loves learning and hates school
Who loves books  and not letters
Whose friends don't know her and who doesn't make new ones
And fades to the background
And observes from the outside.

I am a traveler
Who was accepted, once
Who walked the streets of Mexico and Germany and England and France
And then it was a dream
And I was at home
Where I didn't belong.

I was a daughter
Who didn't go to college
And saw strange sights and loved strange men
And confused my teachers
And left my parents
And made new friends
And learned about the whole world.

A world I didn't belong in.

But I decided
It's okay.

I’m lying in bed staring at the imperfect ceiling
Headphones in my ears, arms above my head on the bare mattress.
My face is trembling, begging my mind to stop the pain.
It comes in flashes.
I see you, always you, nothing but you.
I have a horrible, down right terrible memory,
never , have I ever, seen an image oh so vivid.
Every feature from your Hair, to your Face, to your Body.
How.I.Tremble.
The energy cannot be contained
How do I release something Like this!?
I want you.
Everything.
Your Physicality.
Your Spirituality.
Your family.
Your lust.
You.
Why!?
There’s not a **** logical reason.
I saw you.
I read you.
I felt you.
And ever since I have wanted you.
But I can’t.
Society has its laws.
And heterosexuality, simply cannot cross the boundaries of
homosexuality.
So go.
Get
GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HEAD.
GET OUT
GET OUT
GET OUT
Stop torturing me.
You're not evil, so why do you do this to me?!
I’m done.
Either confront me,
or tell your demons to leave me alone...

My days were dreary, monotonous;
The world painted in shades of black.
I was living a facade,
Pretending to be blithe
My fragile armour
Was cracking fast.
But in the
Darkness
Hope
Is found;
Pain slackens.
You are my light;
Just as the sun's rays,
Your smile shines through the night
Flooding me with intense heat.
I staggered through the grim twilight
And found you in the most absurd place.

Rejection is not
What fuels my silence, it's the
Fear of losing you .