I've written and rewritten
my suicide note dozens of times
and I am still not satisfied
because I can not figure out how to
politely tell you that I want to die
but that it is in no way
anyone's fault
-

I remember when there was a time that
you would look at me and my heart would smile,
and I was told, "That is how you know he loves you..."
When your heart smiles.

I remember when I think back on the times when all
I had to do was just think of you and there I go grinning,
feeling giddy and warm like sunshine;
yet I've not felt that in such a long time.

Where did all that go and will I ever get it back,
do you know?  Instead, my heart stopped smiling
and I don't have that grin, that giddiness or
feel warm like sunshine anymore.

Where I'm at it's dark, cold and confined.
I watched you from a distance and saw your
face no more, but I'll always remember those
moments we've shared together and watch
over you from beyond the nethers;

help you to keep alive those feelings of
when your heart smiles, the giddiness
and the warmth of sunshine until
the stars die out; until time erases time.

**Creative Writings -  Reina J. Morris

I never said forever,
Nor did I think that was the time frame
In which you'd leave my life.
I found losing you is such a shame.

I never said disappear
Completely, dissipate into thin air.
I didn't think you would honestly,
But it was no surprise, rather it was fair.

We suffer consequences from actions
Consistently, all the time,
And I just didn't realize
Losing you would be mine.

I never said that I'd miss you.
I never even really said good bye.
I never said I wish you the best,
I never said I'm sorry for orchestrating lies.

I never said my apologies for
Creating a web of false hope
That trapped you, and now that you're free
I don't really know how to cope.

I never said how much you meant
To me, or how much I really care.
I never said any of it and it'll remain so,
My lungs never made those thoughts into air.

I never said a lot that pertained
To how important you were
And maybe still are. I'm sorry,
Of only that I am sure.

In morning sun
yellow-green leaves
black branches
such contrasts flow..
yellow sun warmth
seems to pull..
pulls the sensations
fullness and growth
and makes nature
luxuriant once more..
hidden chirpers note
the dawning of
summer...

you dug your teeth in like an animal
savage and deadly
your claws helping tear open the wound
as you poured in your poison
you used to be so kind
or at least it's how you looked in my eyes
but with every passing day
a piece of your mask faded
revealing the skin of a monster
and although i was warned
and told to run
seek refuge
hide
i did not fear you
for i thought i knew you
but all you ever did was lie
and make believe you were the prey
while your predatory gaze kept a watchful eye

how quickly you sprang
how vicious your jaw
how easily i fell

and somehow it was my fault
somehow i was wading
****** and torn
in a river of apologies
unsure of the meaning
always searching

in time i learned your ways
and i froze
waist deep in the river
unable to swim to the shore
and become dry
because you cried
because you filled my ear
with sweet whispers of "i love you"
i believed you
so i stayed

but now as i lay freely
staring up at the sun
feeling its warmth
on my newly healed wounds
i realized that you never loved me
because love is not a violent word

we all grew up
differently than we intended
wild and tameless
until we got    
                      here
far from where we started off
but the familiarity still lingers
in old pictures
old faces
who haven't grown with us
those who have only lived to see
the beginning and the present
and the image of you that is expected
becomes shattered
and wiped clean
for you no longer represent those memories

hello, old friend
what was your name again?