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 Feb 2014 Alyssa McWilliams
Becca
Why the feeling of nostalgia
when sitting in an airport on your own for the
how many times is it now?
well this is the last at least
for awhile

What can I miss when I chose
on my own
to leave this place behind, is it regret?
or the natural progression of emotion in events you can't control
but I'm in control, I am, I'm in
this motion half between happy and apathetic and
**** why'd you have to make me miss it here
and I haven't even left

Nostalgic for nothing
for what I chose to forego for myself
for the people, though few, I'll miss and mourn
for the culture for the music for the body
that no one else will quite understand

How many 'you had to be there's
how many 'I guess it's only a thing there's
how many times will I look at art
look at rocky, horror
look at a cynic and think
'**** what have I done'

It's an in-between kind of emotion
that will pass I have no doubt
pass and leave room for a chance I'd never get to take
but **** the in-between
**** the waiting
Goodbye Novos
 Feb 2014 Alyssa McWilliams
A
you played me gently
your tender spanish guitar
******* at my nylon strings.
rocking my body
i sing our melody
your soul echoes through me
as i become your extended body
you caress my neck
                                stroking
                                           pressing
                                                       holding
my essences with tender love and care
the fiber of my heart string pull
as you rip me open
you pluck hard
as each fiber loosens
ripping the strings apart
i bleed this black blood
tainted with the smog
you infected me
you play with distortion
clashing echos as you squeeze me
smashed my body
And the music stops.
i lay in pieces
finding nothing in peace
Hours go by, lying in my bed,
Endless thoughts running through my head;
Some of excitement, some of dread
As I watch my dark heart bleed red.

What to do with this long, black night?
Pray for sleep with eyelids shut tight
Against the horror and the fright
Of the things that are not quite right.

But elusive sleep never comes
And all I hear are distant drums,
Beating out their ominous thrums,
Accompanied by wailing hums.
 Feb 2014 Alyssa McWilliams
Becca
Half a breath
always enough just to keep relevant
enough just to keep alive
but never to offer it up for you
and I watch as someone else exhales
the life you need

and I can keep breathing by your side
as long as I have my
half a breath
but I just can't quite seem to catch
one whole enough to offer you
what you need

Half a breath
like many others
is all I have
so I'm forced to let someone else
fill your lungs
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