you have big dreams
i'm just living
compared to you
i'm insignificant
what good can i bring the world
except a smile
and a poem
but what good is that at the end of the day
what lives can my words save?
i can't help
but feel helpless
where do i have to go in life
i just feel lost
need a compass
maybe you can give me a map
or a gps
where do i go from here
the Cheshire cat would say it doesn't matter
as long as i get somewhere
i would beg to differ
give me a tour guide
to take me through my life
because i'm feeling lost
and it's making me cross
but we're all mad here
and maybe madness is driving this fear
i don't want to get stuck
so wish me luck
when you leave me for your big dreams
i'll be bursting at the seams
or maybe that's just how it seems
why does art feel like it's so unimportant
it's all i can do, i'll draw you a portrait
i guess you could say that it helps life's endeavor
but there are people in my position who can do it much better
so i sit here
sorry for myself
my  BIG dreams are for my book
to be on a shelf
the book i haven't finished
because it's all that i have
and i feel my dreams diminished
i don't know who i am.

frozen.
i see you
and i forget things
like how to talk
because i'd rather listen
how to feel
i just go blank

thawing.
now that you're gone
i can think again
please come back?

sometimes i get scared that
you won't be there
so i try and look for
a back-up plan
there are plenty of options
to fall back on
but i don't want any of them
so stay with me from dawn
to dusk
each and every day
i'd be called lady luck
and if i can light up your face
like you light up mine
it's  only by grace.

Spend the night with me
we'll cuddle
and tell each other bed time stories
and we'll fall asleep
intertwined
you made your way
into my heart
have i even scratched the surface
of yours?

too many nights
spent alone
too many weekends
wasted at home
i need something new
i need an adventure
my heart is thirsty
be my quencher
so take my hand
and lead me somewhere
show me something
and nothing can compare
take me somewhere thrilling
adrenaline pumping
or bone chilling
there is no other person
that i'd rather be with
not much to say
you just gotta believe it
just being with you
is an adventure itself
better than reading that book on the shelf

still taboo
but not really
needle inching in
my skin
permanent
marking
my body is just another journal
waiting to be filled
with thoughts
ideas
pictures
and who are you to tell me
what to put in my journal
i'll fill it where
society says
so i can hide it
for a job
but I will fill it with the things
that make me tick
i wear my heart on my sleeve
so why not put my journal
on display
too.

you never let me win
with you it's always
a fight
and apparently i'm never
right
you can't just let things go
and i suppose i'm just as bad
i push you trying to win
trying to have my way
for a moment
we're both acting like kids
but you never just say
drop it
you have to be right
even when you're wrong
and don't get me wrong
i love you to death
but arguing with you
is leaving me out of breath
can you just not for once?
can you just let it be
because i wouldn't argue
if you didn't ALWAYS disagree
and sometimes i don't tell you things
because you're like this
and how could i tell you it'll end up in fists
and i know i'm bad at it
and i haven't confronted you
but i don't want to make you mad
but it's gotten really bad
to the point where i like time away from you
better than time with you
are you mad because i'm leaving
i won't be too far
i just need room for breathing
need room for change
and staying here would be the definition of insane
doing the same thing
everyday
expecting things to somehow change
and i don't think you understand my need
maybe you have it too
but my soul is starving
i'm not trying to leave you behind
i'm just running on a new path trying to find
who i am supposed to be
and there's still time
to catch up to me
things won't be as bad as they seem
i just wish that you could see

it's hard to believe
that anyone could fall in love with me
that i could be the reason for someone's smile
how could i make someones heart pound?
or do i keep them up at night
or am i always on their mind?
maybe there's poetry about me somewhere
or a love song played on repeat
maybe i'm the person of someone else's dreams
if all of that is true,
could that somebody be you?

25 more days in captivation
44 until i'm actually free
graduation can't come any sooner
I want to know if  you're waiting for me

when I give you the letter
liberation
no longer ****** by curiosity

when i give you the letter will things change?
or will they be how they've always been?

Sometimes I like to think
about the future
i can't keep my thoughts succinct
next year
Will I be with you?
i want you near
Will you kiss me
as we leave each morning
will you love me
even as I'm snoring

would you take me to meet your mom?
I would let you meet my dad
would we snuggle next to the fire place
read and drink hot cocoa?  
Or will I be lacking your embrace

a future without you in it
is really hard to picture
maybe I shouldn't think like that
because what if your opinion differs
because what if you leave?
I don;t want to be strangers again

I don't want to forget
the feeling of your arms wrapped around me
I don't want to forget
your laugh,
or the things you say, or do
that make me laugh
I don't want to forget
how you frustrate me sometimes
or the color of your eyes
But if that happens
I guess I'll survive
But I'm stuck on you now
I'm so, so, so stuck

forty seven days
until i'm free
no more lockers
no more hallways
no more homework
no more classrooms
freedom
on my own
sort of
i get to figure life out
early
who will be there to
catch me when
i trip
and fall flat
on my face
will you be there
to hold my hand
and lead me to new places?

with facebook
comes lack of
privacy
your whole life
is out there
for the whole world to see.

Some days I'm on top of the world
and other days
I'm afraid of heights.

scared
things seem like
they're going by
too
fast
everything is
a blur
what do i do
next
my mind isn't keeping
up with the rest of
the world
it's


lag   gin   g



still
.
.
.
l  o  a  d  i  n  g


p      r      o      c       e      s      s      i      n     g

sometimes

it
comes to

a

halt.
stops l  o  a  d  i  n  g
and
i'm [stuck]
in one place
while everyone around me
is moving fast paced
i take things
s
l
o
w
i like to
procrastinate
i am not quick to
strike
what if they move on





without me?

i'm a blanket thief
i have horrid bed head
i talk in my sleep
and i probably snore too
good luck.

this feeling
i feel
i've never felt
why won't it go away
it bothers me day in
and day out
i don't know what to say
your smiling face is enough
to make my whole week
make my knees weak
even if you can't see
if i could only make you blush
that is my goal
because  you make me light up
from my toes to my soul
you and i are quite ridiculous
if you ask me
but i know you like getting reactions out of me
you want to see how i tick
is that what it is?
you'll tease me
cause it makes me smile
play along
when I act like a child
i try and hide how i feel
but seeing you makes it infinitely more real
come december i'll give you the note
and then what?
will words catch in your throat?
will you know what to say?
will you have a clue?
or will i chicken out and miss my chance with you?

sitting at home
i slept in today
should have gone to school
my health is more important
i've lost
my appetite
can't seem to eat a whole lot
i'm always tired
something is wrong
can't tell what
don't want to go to the
doctor
probably nothing
a cold?
maybe stress
whatever it is
i'll be fine.

what are you afraid of?
what shakes you with fright?
are you scared of the monsters?
who go bump in the night?
are you scared of tight spaces?
scared of not going places?
do you ever fear you'll lose someone?
you'll wake up one day and they'll just be gone?
i want to know what scares you
so i know when to hold your hand
i've told you what scares me
what fills my heart with fear
something like bumble bee
like not having a clue on what I want to make as a career
you know that writing scares me
you know that i can't stop
but you don't know a couple things
like how it scares me that you make my stomach flop
i never used to be so scared of feeling this way
i promise you that once i was really rather brave
it scares me that you might leave
that you might not even care
that maybe one day you'll get bored
and i'll search but you won't be there.

you must have no clue
because i am only interested in you
sometimes you keep me up late
and I wonder how long i can wait
i'm bursting at the seams
i'm trying not to tell you, but that's not what my heart screams
can i just give you a hint
i want you to know, but i would rather you didn't
the ending of your name is n
and i consider you a good friend
but that's not your real name
your first name ends in an a
and this is where things start getting messy
my heart starts getting heavy
if i don't tell you i will regret
my feelings i should confess
i wish i could take off your mask
and i can
i know i can but some little insecurity
inside of me is telling me not to
why am i letting fear control me
i've talked to you
ABOUT you
isn't that just silly
bet you didn't know
i am waiting till december and that's as far as i can go
fifty four days till i'm free
of two different captivities
but maybe i can't wait that long
should i tell you soon
i wish you could answer this
i'm sure my friends are sick
of hearing about you.

everything is a constant battle
i'm fighting as hard as i can
but i'm fighting the wrong people
why am i fighting my own squad
i am a warrior
but i'm wounding myself
my muscles are sore
every inch of my body screaming
pain
just give up
everything is screaming at me
telling me to stop fighting
let them win
but i don't like giving up
i'm a fighter
is winning worth it
what's the real victory?
what do i get if i win?

sometimes i forget
that you don't have time
for me anymore
and that maybe
i should just
give
up
but
then
then you come back
it's like a roller coaster
and i can't seem to get off
because the thrill is worth
the disappointment when the ride stops
and you have no idea
but i just can't seem to tell you
what am i so afraid of?
because anything would be better than this
i'd rather you completely reject me
than sit here
not knowing
i want to tell you
i really really do
but you have to understand that i just
can't
and it's only hurting me
as far as i know
i just wish...
i  just wish that  there were more time in a day

i don't regret
meeting anyone that i've met
anyone that i have loved
i will not forget
they have broadened my playlist
introduced me to all different styles
i have come to appreciate my playlist
that has been growing for a while
someone introduced me to indie
someone else what they played in the 60's
and Mr. current listens to classic
appreciative of music without lyrics
i've never known what to listen to
i grew up on rock and roll
so thank you to all those i've loved and will love
you have deeply affected my soul.

i'm a colorful person
i have a very colorful soul
i have eyes as blue as oceans
and boots as yellow as gold
hair that changes like the weather
an aura that's like a rainbow
and whenever we're together
i'm sure that my face glows.

just a girl                       (nothing special,)
human                           ( just like everyone else,)
trying to make a dent
in the world                ( but i'm barely scratching the surface)
                                         ( i  am just average,)
i am                                (nothing special)
nobody

i still remember lots of things about you
our first kiss
was in my bathroom
in the dark
we bumped noses.

you make me want to listen
to all those silly love songs
that I learned to love
and each song reminds me of
a different person's name
...
well
they used to
now they're all yours
and so am i.

the little things
like a tall sunflower
poking through a field of weeds
the crunching of fall leaves underneath my feet
the way you smile at me
the feeling of holding hands
not caring how I look when I dance
home alone, singing at the top of my lungs
listening to someone's heart beat like it's the beat of the drums
the feeling of sleeping in
oh and that's just where it begins
moments with the people you love
gazing at the stars above
when your favorite song comes on
staying up with friends till dawn
laughing so hard you cry
the feeling of stomach butterflies
the warmth of my body next to yours
laughing because you snore
silly looking morning hair
the pride after bowling a spare
wearing my yellow boots
drinking lots of apple juice
hot cocoa after a rough day of sledding
petting a dog who isn't shedding
hearing a joke for the first time
finding the perfect tree to climb
reuniting with someone you miss
the feeling of being kissed
a million things which go unnoticed
but maybe that's because we're to focused
on making sure everything is perfect
but the little things are what make everything worth it.

take my hand
i'll take you somewhere new
we'll go on an adventure
just us two
we'll laugh and joke
**** and tease
new feelings we'll evoke
we'll dance
pretending we know how
stepping on each others feet
giving everything a chance
sleep underneath the stars
huddling together for warmth
nothing could bother us because the world is ours
we are free to roam
free to explore
take my hand let's go
there's no time to "be bored"

My music knows my pain
and mocks it
pandora on shuffle
it plays exactly what I don't need
it knows exactly how I feel.

maybe i shouldn't
wear my heart
on my sleeve
i'm so transparent
you probably
see right through me

You are so
vague
sometimes it
kills me
can you not
tell me things
can i not hear
your secrets
i won't
tell a soul
do you
not
trust me?
I trust you
without
really giving it
much thought
I should have
probably
thought this through
too late
I just can't help
but feel
like maybe
maybe I was wrong
I hate being wrong
and maybe
maybe I can't do this
maybe I'm lying to myself
maybe
...
maybe
we
really
are
better
off
as
strangers
maybe
i'm breaking
my own
heart.

out of my comfort zone
is where I belong.

unaware,oblivious
you're constantly talking
talking is not required
kiss me

I have the face of a  Porcelain Doll
or so I'm told
but unlike Porcelain Dolls
my face continues to grow old

I have been told I'm a beautiful girl
but beauty fades with time
so don't fall in love with beauty
but fall in love with rhyme.

The cricket chirps a requiem for itself
it knows it's going to die
trapped inside the tarantula's cage
Thorn's eating well tonight.

Seven hours drags on
feeling like eternity
anxiously waiting to get home
need some new scenery
maybe I'll go see my dad.

when you say goodnight
who do you tell to have sweet dreams
close friends
mere acquaintances?
or maybe your mom
the person that holds your heart
or just everyone
but I'm wondering
who am I in that mess of sweet dreams?

how many steps would it take
to get to you
a little more than two blocks away
maybe a five minute walk
should i count them
i count the days of your absence
67
sixty seven too many
i miss your face
i used to see you every weekend
you're always so busy
too busy for me

today should have been fun
but i was irritated
tired
constantly ready to snap
i am a mess
need
sleep
i'm cranky
feeling mean
want to be kind
but i feel the need to scream
someone take me away for a while
i feel trapped in this town
someone make me smile
before i drown.

our friendship lately
feels dangerous
rocky, on edge
i try, but
every
little
thing
i
do
seems to irritate you
i can never be
right
with you
and i am stubborn
shouldn't you know?
it just ***** to feel
like i'm the only one
trying
i understand, you have crap going on
but that doesn't make it right to
treat me
like crap
i came to you the other day
because i thought i felt safe
but now i'm questioning that
because everything
i have to say
you counteract
you retort
you snark
you are never
happy
with me it seems like
unless
i'm
helping
**you

At 3 am my hands froze
wishing for gloves
or hands to hold
my eyes fighting to stay open
my fingers in constant typing motion
in each room there's someone snoring
behind their eyelids their subconscious exploring
i'm fond of this place called dream land
but you'll have to wait my dear sandman.

Every time I think I've found
a new poet to love
they're taken.

I saw someone today who reminded me of you

they were sitting with a girl

drinking tea

having fun

laughing

I got really sad

because that could have been you

and I realized that

for the past year

I found that I can't see me with anyone else

I tried

to flirt with attractive boys

but



I





just





didn't





feel





anything



no tingly happiness

just

nothing

but with you

your name pops up

on my screen

and

it's you

I just immerse

with happiness

maybe

I'm

obsessed

that's such an ugly word

sometimes I try and convince myself

that I don't have feelings for you

I'm just lonely

but it's not true

because sometimes it works

and then you laugh

and I realize it can't be true

i'm pretty good at lying to

myself

i practice all

the time

but then

then you come along again

and ******

i falter

and my porcelain strength shatters

i live a messy

messy life.

baby can you tell me
do you miss me at all
because if you don't i need to know
if i should move on
i'm stuck in this limbo
i'm lost don't know where to go
i just need a map
or you could point me in the right direction
am i alone in this hopeless affection
or is it even possible that you return the feelings
and if you do that would make my everything
so baby could you tell me
because i can't read your mind
my patience is fleeting, but we still have lots of time.

It's odd how we so often become  (strangers)
We reunite and then disappear (again)
How do we always come back to (this)
it's been quite a bit of (time) since I have seen you
How long before I (will) see you again
(You) have not a clue, do you?
I'm scared that maybe you'll (leave)
but if you leave, (for) how long?
they say (good) things come to those who wait
(please) don't go too far
I (don't) want to be strangers again.

Writing helps me breathe
when I'm gasping for air
stuck in this town
desperate to get out
just for a little while
need new scenery
more air
elbow room
someone take me away
i need to escape.

Trying to keep my cool
but you played me a **** fool
got my **** hopes up
even though I knew you would flop
you do it every time
but every time I expect different results
knowing deep inside
my first instinct consults
"Don't get your hopes up" It says
but nonetheless here I am.

Sometimes I just spill parts of my soul into people
I just let everything out
It's messy, but it makes the burden lighter
I don't exactly let go of those parts of my soul
I just share them
Sometimes you just need someone to share your soul with
and that's why I believe in soul mates
Maybe they're not your lover, maybe they're just your best friend
maybe you have more than one
and sometimes they leave
and a new one comes
sometimes you're lucky and
you stay
with them
for a long
long
time
can i be
that
l
u
c
k
y
?
?

we are constantly in a game of chicken
trying to get across how we feel
it's easier when the feelings are written
but saying them aloud is much more real
i might say something kind of flirty
in hopes that you might flirt back
but i always worry
maybe i have feelings that you lack
maybe we're just both hinting around
trying to get each others' attention
but we avoid what might be profound
oh and did i mention
i have a few things i wanted to tell you
maybe i'll tell you later
actually they're a bit overdue
but i've given you many-an-indicator
i pretty much adore you
as if you couldn't tell
yes, yes it is true
i know exactly how it all befell

i found an old picture of us
i swear it's perfection
i wish that i could recapture that moment
we were happy together
can we be like that again?
i would love nothing more
than to be in your arms
to kiss your lovely face
but later i guess
not now
we can still be happy
from afar
i love your hugs
but they don't last long enough
how long is long enough
i just want things to escalate
but not quickly
at a steady pace
first you'll hold my hand
then you'll peck my cheek
and so on??
sometimes you talk too much
and i want to kiss you so you'll shut up
sometimes silence is enough
i'm comfortable with you