If this is heaven... Please send me back to hell;
What I've done here to no one I will never tell
The goodness I've become is impossible after the deadly seven;
I was worst than the devil himself ever since I reached the age of eleven.

Why must I wish to be back where evilness only what I know to do?
Perhaps it's because I am someone when I was me and I belong only to the few
But I must also know that there's a time in my life where I prayed to a sleeping God;
I never knew my parents name in an orphanage I grew up and loneliness was the best company I had...

Now that I am old waiting for my final hours writing down all my sins keeping a note of goodness;
Although that note is empty perhaps it's because I doubted if what I've done are purity and sweetness...
I am now on my knees confessing, for the last 70 years of madness and angered soul;
Where I were hoping each day that God let out a lightning to strike me and have it all.

I remembered ******, clear as the tears now that falls down my cheeks;
That crashes down while my heart wails for forgiveness my lips don't move but my mind speaks
All of the crimes I've committed in cold blood, freezing my heart to feel no guilt as I smirk and grin;
I even dared the almighty to save that man's life while I gently squeeze the trigger,bullet pierces his chin...

I cannot recall more of those memories it makes me weep and finally feel the guilt;
I am still breathing yet I know I am already burning in hell my soul can feel the heat
All I ever do now,I'll say it again is waiting for my coming end while never a moment pass I've prayed;
And hope this diary will be read by God just in case, I fall to my death and in hell my soul decay...

I saw a cat runned over by a car call it a roadkill;
It seems that the driver enjoyed it came back a bit just to feel
The pain the poor cat is suffering,twitching as it gasp for air to breathe;
Even knowing that life will never come back still curious till' the cat's heart stop to beat.

So I came to think and ponder a bit while walking my way to work;
While still ****** and keep saying to myself that driver is a total ****!
He could have let the cat pass! Not pacing up for a merciless ****;
With a smirk to an evil grin while pretending he's sorry after quenching his thrill.

And so I told myself what if the devil was a lie and God do not exist?
So could this evilness that surrounds us is worst without judgment? Will it ever be cease?
With a mind worst than the so called devil himself sitting on a throne ruling the entire land;
Without a soul to be tormented waging wars giving orders! Fierce like a beast with an iron hand.

The world will never rest and keeps spinning as bloodshed and chaos revolves around;
If goodness is only meant to be for the weakest heart then what's the point of love being unbound?
I had enough of this thoughts so I'm just going to continue living for what it is there for me tomorrow;
I kept holding onto my faith that there is a God that keeps saving us and relieves our pain and sorrow.

Life slowly fades like a burning candle;
From its wick shines a flame that is too hot to handle
We tend to compare the mystery of our existence to things;
How we die in the end, some decays even before their breathing begins.

What makes you tick when you are down, tired and weary?
How do you express your feelings when you are alone and empty?
As if you were cursed since birth that never a moment you feel lost;
You get used to overtime that sorrow became a company you treasured the most.

There are times our minds are preoccupied and overrunned;
By thoughts of negativity suffering torture that drags us down.
Why is it so easy to think something that weighs so heavy that we sink;
And drown to our own demise trapping ourselves and in our own drop of blood we drink.

This has been told a thousand times,suffered by many a million times;
But it never gets old redundantly, we feel and lingers inside our minds
That we accept that the world is cruel enough to some, why permit them to live;
Without God in their hearts and prayers unanswered in darkness they only believe.

Piercing eyes I'm mesmerized!
Petrified now I'm cold as Ice!
Cursed for life turning to a stone!
Medusa's gaze prepare to meet your doom!

Alluring the beauty she betrays my mind!
I'm shaking I'm hopeless facing the end of my time!
No way of escape! And it's all too late!
This is the end I'm pouring out my faith!!!

She coiled in like a serpent!She smells like death!!
Devouring my will till' I run out of breath!
Here now I stand here where I fall!!!
This statue is my grave my coffin and my tomb!!!

Glare and stare!Smirk and sneer!x8

Rise never fall to the ashes! Never fade with the dust! Never burn out the fire!
I will never gonna give up! Never gonna give in! Never to die again!
Death will never conquer my heart! Filled with burning flames! See it through my eyes!
Live soar up back to the skies! Burn the open land! Corrupted with greed!

I am the eternal fire!!!!
Burning with hopes and dreams!!!
Phoenix's rebirth a never ending curse
Turning pain into a gift

Fall Decay Rise Again X8

Oh what a happy life! And it can all end with a cut from this knife;
Slice up a skin decorated with tattoos of halos,stars and stripes.
Only to know that tonight will be the last, and we are fading fast;
To our final resting place we will be, to our grave returning to dust.

Oh what a demented mind! Trying to feel your pain like it was mine;
Carrying the weight of the world on my shoulder which gets heavier overtime.
Just to pass and breeze through the day I swallowed the bitter pills of sorrow;
Then again live just to see the light of day fade my routine wasn't that hard to follow.

Tonight I must make a difference, put an end to this madness that I created;
Pray to a god who is deaf and blind too many times already that I felt rejected.
But does it really make any difference? If I let myself fall to this life ending decision;
With this blade so sharp and shiny, I will be glad to commence a perfect incision.

Layer by layer, flesh to bones! It cuts deep right through with no pain at all;
Just the sound of silence and dripping blood counting minutes before I fall.
Too late to save myself now I'm almost there! I can feel that cold embrace as death touches me;
So empty yet so free the feeling I have in this dark place of desolation, with nothing else to see.

No doors to open, no more air to breathe! Yet I am still me no changes just alone am I happy?;
What is this feeling of contentment that finally I found my place...No more holes finally..
That self righteous suicide that ends me to become me saved me yet somehow I felt unworthy;
Now in this place I must stay in the dark, alone and empty and not to suffer more for eternity.

A glass has been offered to you half empty half full;
You drowned yourself with fame in order to be whole
But with greed you were lost in the depths of the abyss;
A self inflicted misery with no control, your former self will be missed.

You sang a song you wrote based on life and new beginnings;
From what we heard you did lived life like there are no endings
Suddenly you lose your will to move on chosen apathy as a death wish;
You were given opportunities, good life handed down on a dish.

What made you think to just let life float fast away?;
have you got tired of what you're doing and not wanting to stay?
In the eyes of the many you were idolized, loved all your lies;
While you burn all your fortune in order to roll a dice.

Too little time to understand what's in your mind;
You are here to be known not to be undermined
Slice me up some of your skin let me feel your pain;
I promise you I will try my best to keep you sane.

Perhaps we are exactly the same...I mean you and I;
So what's the point of this meeting right? Why ask why?
You wear a mask while you're in the crowd selling lies;
I seat here talk, wearing a mask just to understand what's behind your eyes.