Nothing has changed, nothing will, not this way.
I am a poor fool, bound to you
And begging, on my knees, for every scrap you toss my way.
Reconnection leads to reinfection,
I am a sad fool,
A mad fool, to risk again, all that I have.
And yet, as you reach out…I am lost,
Clinging to virtual words, dreaming of a world that’s gone,
Trying to glue together something shattered
Wishing for time reversal, praying for a miracle
To salvage my remembrance of a desperate year.

the stars glistened that night
glimmered when you called me beautiful
pulsed when you smiled at me
disappeared when you broke our gaze
so the lake reflected only the streetlights
and couldn’t pick up the stars

they fell with every minute that passed
every minute lost in the night
every minute less i would spend with you
every minute you weren’t holding me

and the stars never shined so bright
and the sky never hung so heavy

than they did the night you sang to me

My  days are a blurr
My feeling is gone
Am floating on clouds
flying
through the water of the clouds
My brain laughs
My eyes cry
my teeth  stick out more an ever
i Don't know were i went
I dont know were am going
Am forgetting all as the seconds pass
I dance all out
no caring what the birds think
i sing aloud
not caring what the gods think
burning the floor with my feet
i dont care
i dont care
come to me
and tell me you hate me
i would laugh
i would laugh
the whole night long

It's 4:10 in the AM and I need to write
My second *** and diet coke is taking affect
Partly because I'm running out of diet coke
and partly because I want so desperately to be in this state of mind
I need creative release.
(This is ironic because I'm an artist.)
At least, when people ask me what I do... I say I'm an artist
But lately I can't
Just.
Can't.
I've run up against some demon
Who chants "thou shall not pass, thou shalt NOT"
He is likely a remnant of my last relationship.
I see her everywhere.
I think she drives a silver sedan now
So whenever I see one driving past, I shiver.
There are a million in my small city.
I see ALL of them.
I smile when they pass
So on the off chance she is occupying the driver's seat,
She will know that I overcame her bitterness
I am hypocrisy through and through.
The tobacco on my shirt stinks of all the false promises I've never kept.
It is a vile reminder that I am a cliché wrapped in a gas station burrito
I am naked here.
I am exposing all of the parts that I've vowed to keep inside.
Inside where the A/C can keep the sweat from revealing itself.
My creativity is a joke.
(I don't understand the punch line but I continue to laugh.)
She must have gobbled up the right hemisphere of my brain.
Maybe not her, but the ever-present ghost of what I agreed to allow into my soul
Her white-hot beautiful and angry ghost
Why can't I remove her violent spirit from my bedroom.
Jesus Christ hear me as I cry your name.
Exercise the ghosts of my last three years.
I sweat realism.
You would disagree if you saw my paintings.
Playful.
Happy.
Primary triad displayed proudly.
It's that part of me that says that this very poem needs editing.
It needs to be set right.
It needs.
THIS POEM IS SELF AWARE.

I want to trace the lines of your neck with my tongue. Let my taste buds stumble across the sharp tang of your perfume. I want your pulse, stuttering beneath my fingertips. To graze the skin stretching over your collarbones with my teeth. I want to mark you. I want those marks to last a lifetime with no hint of a scar. I don’t want you as a possession, I don’t want to take you as a sign of ownership. I want us quick and fumbling in the dark, a spark of closeness we can both feel. I want to mark you as a sign of my love. ******* bruises, nibbling softly, calling for the redness you blush to stay a while. I never cared much for the perfect ****, deep seated passion that blazes like a fire. I care for each gasp you’d make, the crisp reality of the imperfections upon the skin that I travel with my own. I care for accidentally biting too hard, whispering sorry into your ear, and soothing the indents my teeth made with cool breath. I care for the shaky laughs and trying new things and not being afraid of not liking something. I care for you under me, or me under you. I care for loving everything we do.