Content
Yoga class today
Finally perfected starbucks drink
To what I've been craving
For so long
House to myself
Cooking dinner
Listening to my favorite songs
As loudly
As I like
*Perfect

I smoke my cigarettes
like I want to die
I keep my secrets
buried in my spine
your name still falls from my lips
I can't eclipse it
I can't eclipse it
people ask questions
what can I say
I'm okay ay ay
empty bed
cold sheets
nobody laying next to me
restless dreams
torn seams
from all the love I have
leaking away
if you want my thoughts
crawl through my ears
before I disappear

I've taken falls for all the wrong people
I've broken walls but there is no equal
to tearing down my own
to tearing down my own

It 's the latter part of class,
people talking and laughing
All ,but him
little to no emotion was expressed,
screaming,crying,feeling overwhelmed
Like a caged creature,clawing,
desperate for its freedom
                                                         ­                                 Bell Rings
he snaps out of it for a minute
calmly rising from his seat,
making his way towards the buses
                                                           ­                         half-way home
it happens again,

masking what he felted                                        on the outside
                bus stops
before he noticed,
he was practically almost running off the bus
                            hurting so much
his chest tightens with every breath he takes
quickly he runs in to his grandparent's room,
grabbing the razor blade
isolating himself
staring at the unharmed flesh of his arm                  
                                           ­                              his mind being filled with      
                                                      ­                                    images of blood over
                                                                ­                                  flowing from his
                                                                ­                                                      wrist
as the blade met his skin,
                                 very little pain was felted
what started out as short & slow strokes
became fast,long & deeper cuts,
in that moment there was nothing he desire more
than to end it all
                                                             ­               but did not
placing the blade on the sink,
tracing the scars that ran up his arm,
                                                  he smiles
with tears flooding his eyes
it's around 12 at night,
wide awake and possessed by his thoughts,
finally tired,
falls asleep with the last thought
before closing his eyes to rest
                                                           *­i couldn't change even if i tried

Just sitting there,
Staring
Eyes full of pain and sorrow,
but feeling nothing.
All the pain and suffering
has taken every good thing from her.
Her smile, her laugh,
The way she used to love life, Gone.
With now feeling nothing, But the emptiness that was left with her.

-Cassidy Rae

There was one moment
That I found to be
Especially surreal
You had just lost your wi-fi (again)
And our call had just reconnected
The picture clarified for just
A single moment no longer
Than two seconds of
A crystal clear image
You had looked away from the screen
Something had caught your
Attention (the kids attaching engines to their bikes or maybe your dad taking the dog back in)
And I saw just how beautiful you are
For just a second I could see how
Vibrant your hair was
Not quite like a fire so much
As the softest of velvet curtains
Even though I think you could
Set fire to the largest of forests with
The greatest of ease
I could see how blue your eyes were
Like the sky but not early in the morning
Rather the dark it turns before
All the light is drained from it
And for the briefest time I saw into your soul
I could see how much you long
To leave like a bird locked in a cage
I could see how finely crafted you are
Like a painters finest work of art
Every cell a skillful brush stroke
In that moment I knew I wanted to kiss you
But I was so acutely aware of the fact that
We were separated by so much time (why do we measure distance in time anyway)
And that I won't have that chance for
What could be as long as months
This all happened in only a few seconds
And when you looked back at me
You smiled and laugh (the sweetest sound I've ever heard)
And in that moment something clicked inside me
I knew I would have to hold you in my arms
And I would have to put my hands on your hips or your face (I haven't decided yet)
Pull you close to me and kiss you
I'll do anything to make that happen
Mark my words little bird someday I will set you free
*~W.C.

9/18/09

The Boy With the Birthmark on His Right Lower Calf

1/7/10 8:36 pm
The first boy that left me was my first love, he was the first boy who ever called me beautiful and he made me feel that way for about 3 and a half months until the distance became to much to bare, but we kept in touch for about 5 years so I guess you can say it never really ended because the pull of our hearts still happen to burn for each other every now and again, he is one for the books because he's never walked away from me he's stood by me through countless arguments, but I think we will always be connected. He taught me what it's like to fall in love unfortunately he didn't teach me how to stop falling face first onto cold hard gravel because now that he has someone new, I'm completely off the rails. I hope he comes back and saves me soon. He is the only boy I can't ever seem to get enough of, he is like a drug, the minute he touches me my veins fill with a substance of desire and my heart speeds up to about ten beats a minute and all this proceeds to happen within mire seconds of reconnecting I can't even begin to describe how it's been these past 5 years still being able to get that same rush around that boy--and only that boy. He is a drug I would gladly overdose on.

6/20/13

The Boy With the Cold Heart & the Four Glass Eyes

9/3/13 10:45 pm
The second boy that left me was no where near as beautiful as the first but he was one for deep talks and insecure walks. He told me what he hated about himself and how self-conscious he really was, that before he became "Mr. Player" he was a loser who always felt alone. His body was not beautiful he was destruction at its finest, his skin stretched and felt like scratching cold silver, in all respects he was quite a disgusting filth though at the time I found him to be made out of gold but I was dead wrong for he was the worse kind of killer-- a true sociopath if you ask me but I mean what do I know I'm a ****** right? Although the only thing he wanted was to toy with me and trick me into trusting the devil, granted I should have never gotten involved with him in the first place, because he truly tore me to shreds and he was still a baby so maybe that's why things ended badly between us, because even though I was naive then, he's still quite immature, I wish I could say he's changed but he hasn't.

12/6/13

The Boy Who Made Me Feel Alive Again

12/27/13 1:08 pm
The third boy that left me, well unlike the second boy he didn't do damage he actually did magic by gently outlining the curvature of my spine and liking the thoughts inside my head before we ever even came face to face, he knew me through words and kissed me like he held a secret between his lips. He didn't like books but he liked my thoughts on paper and he listened quite intently, so I guess that was enough. I noted little details when we walked home in the dark, like the fact that he lit up whenever I spoke and he always looked me dead in the eye, however neither of us had been murdered. Or the way he sounded when he told me about his life, or even the fact that he'd risk injury from oncoming traffic because of his fearless physique, maybe he was just trying to impress me but these are a few things that were beautiful  about this boy. But yet again, happiness in the form of Father Time only stands at my doorstep for a month or so because on the 27th on the coldest month of the year he walked out without even a proper goodbye.

*(vm)