Can someone be broken to the point that they can't let anyone in? Like I am literary so tried of trying to be happy days on end. faking being alright and smiling to people I don't even know. it's not that I don't want to be happy it's that I physically can't. When something good happens to me I don't get happy or feel from it anymore. I feel like I'm that type of person thats only is okay when bad things happen and that's all I know. id rather be lonely then be  happy with someone. I'd rather hurt then feel good. That's such a bad thing. I wish I never met you. I really think all this is because of you. I never really loved anyone like I loved you. And I let you in more then I ever let anyone in. I told you more things then I told my own family. At one point you were the only person I wanted to talk to. I don't understand why you have such a hook on me it's drives me crazy sometimes. Sometimes? All the time. Sometimes I wanna call you and just talk to you like we would at 3 am just because. Just because I wanted to hear your voice. I don't know why you didn't want me anymore. I guess I was old news to you? I still think about you all the time. It's so funny how only one boy could change someone forever. It's not my fault that I'm so ******* because of the way you treated me. The way you made me fall over and over and over again the way your eyes made my whole day. I don't think i told you how much I loved your eyes. Or that your smile could make me feel all werid inside. I don't think told you that I loved sleeping with you that you twitched a little when you slept and it was adorable. I don't think i told you that I liked how you held my hand all night when we were sleeping. How you told me my bed is to
Small for two people and I had to sleep really close to you. That all I could hear was your heartbeat all night. How all we would play was yellowcard as we were kissing. I think you knew that was are band cause everytime you came over that's all you would play. You would play it on shuffle all day. I still can't listen to them without crying. I never told you that diving up to see you was the most nervous and best car drive I ever had. And even though we only had that hour together and it was amazing. I never told you that you are the most hardest relationship I had to pretend that I can be fine without. I never told you that you are perfect in every way and I'm sorry that I wasn't. That you needed more then me that you needed attention that your dad is not the best dad and he's why you are the way you are now. I'm sorry that you told me to promise you that I would never cut again and I did and you were disappointed in me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you are all I write about. You know that I never mean to but when I think about writing your all I think about. I'm sorry that I didn't see you as much as I wanted too. A hour and a half away is such a long walk and if I could
Of walked to you, you know I would of. Glad that you got that car cause when you came over was the best days ever. They still are. I think I'll miss you forever and I'm sorry about that. I dont think
I'll ever love like I loved you. I still love you. You never forget your frist love and you were my frist. I didnt just love you I was in love with you. I wanted so much with you and I know you did too at one point. I know me and you had hard times but you knew that I tried so hard to help you change. You need to change and you knew it and you even told me that you need help. You know I'm crazy for you right? Being with you for a year and 4 months changed me so much. I'm not the same person I was. And I don't understand why. I'm very unhappy. I'm rumbling on at 2:46am in the morning about you again. I really should go to
Sleep. I need you. You never really feel complete without the person who used To be the reason why you woke up in the morning to see that text message. I remember that one time I got really drunk and you told my friend to watch me cause you didn't want me to get hurt cause you cared so much about me. Why did that go? We weren't even dating then. We weren't even dating when you when in my bed at 3am telling me you loved me. It's 2:51 am and I think I should go to sleep. We haven't talked for 3 months and this is the longest we haven't talked. You once told me that you couldn't go a day without talking to me. What happen to that? I remember the frist time I saw you cry. You cried in my bed because you were upset with the way things where going on in your life. How are you? Are you happy? Is your life the way you wanted it to be? You said move on where do I go? Whenever I tired to move on there you were. You always knew I would always choose you. It's funny cause you said you didn't care what I do and when I found someone you came right back and told me to stay with you. That you
Needed me. I needed you. How can you tell
Me that I was all you ever wanted and never wanted anyone esle but not talk to me for 3 months? I'm scared to talk to you so I'm not going to. Are you scared to talk to me? Please don't. Cause I honestly can't have you back even though I do. I remember when you asked me to marry you that one time on Skype. I didn't think
You were being serious. I remember one new years we talked about having kids and what we would named them when we had them. I said I liked Zachary cause I loved your name and you wanted your uncles name and I was okay with that. I remember everything every conversation we had together. I remember are frist ever conversation. The one that started all of this beautiful relationship. It's 3:01am and I should go to sleep. I still talk to her. I still
Am friends with her. The girl you cheated on me with. You competely stop talking to her right after I found out. I feel like I'm making no sense and this isn't even a poem. I just been so sad today and I
Don't know why. When I was sad I would talk to you and you would make me happy again. I don't know why no one esle can. I remember the time I
Had a scare that time in August. I wouldnt of mind. Having a little you. I was okay with it. I'm sorry. I think I'll always say that I'm sorry when
It comes to you cause your all I ever wanted and I'm sorry I couldn't of made you stay. I tired my
Hardest. I remember the time when we broke up for good. I went in to work a hour later and I
Couldnt help crying and I couldn't stop. I had to sit in the office for a while cause it was so bad. Embarrassing. Really embarrassing actually. It's 3:08 am and I have a headache so I think
I'm going to go to bed.

I'm sorry I can't please everyone
I'm sorry that you left and told me you were never coming back to me
I'm sorry I'm trying to move on and left you like you told me too
Stop trying to make me feel sorry for things you did to me
Stop calling me and texting me words that are far to gone to make me smile like they once did
I don't need you anymore and I don't want too
Go be happy with the girl you left me for and tell her all the sweet lovely things you told me
I'm not going to be the girl you leave and think ill still be here waiting for you to come back into my arms like that time in may
I let you back in
But I can't do it anymore. I'm not going to do it anymore
I not going to get upset over you anymore
I kinda wanna hate you but I know I never could
The only thing I want from you is to stop trying cause even though I once told you "ill always be here for you I promise"
I'm breaking my promise like you broke all of yours.

Being nothing to you makes me feel powerless and broken but I don't want to be something to you anymore. I want someone who will love me with all his heart and all his willpower. I want someone that will be happy with me and only want me not every girl he could get his hands on like you. I want him to send me love notes and write cute facebook staeus about me. I want him to make me feel wanted. Beautiful. Wroth something. I want him to hold me and know how to touch me the right way. I want to cry in front of him and tell him all my bad thoughts and how I really feel about myself without being treated like I'm some phyco patience. I want to fall asleep in his arms and listen to music in the dark and feel safe. I want to feel wanted. I want to look at him and forget all about the pain and scars you gave me. I want to forget completely about you and be happy with him because all I want is you and I know I can never have you again. I want to hold hands and feel his sweaty plams on mine. I want to touch his hair and look into his eyes and see forever. I want to fall in love like I fell in love with you. I want to be happy. I was never happy with you but **** did I love you. All you did was leave me heart broken and asking myself if living was worth it without you? All you ever did was leave me to **** her then came back to me to feel loved cause she never really loved you. You knew I loved you so you used that against me. Maybe I can't love like I loved you but ****** will I try. I'm tired of thinking you have control over me still even though you been long gone for 4 months. Im Sad. Broken and tired to the thought of love but I want someone I call my own. And I'm ready. I'm ready to let someone in and make new love happen again.

I never understood when I was little and naive that a person could love someone more then they love themselves. That they let someone in so close to there heart and show them there pain and happiness and what that special person to feel what they feel. I never understood that and thought well I don't think I could ever want someone to know my deepest serects and my pain and thought that someone could maybe fix me. But I was never in love so I didn't understand. Now I do. I understand clear, clearer then a couple who had been together for 45 years. I never thought that loving someone could be the best and the worst pain I have ever had. I always heard about people falling in love and happy ever after but what happens when he doesn't want to be your ever after? What happens then? What happens when the prince leaves the princess after she thought that he was gonna save her? Being young and watching love and fairy tales never help. I didn't do anything wrong? I love you so much that I would of took your pain and make me feel it before it even touched you. I fought so hard like I was told to? I fell in love, love I never had ever known. I guess my prince wasn't who I thought he was. No one ever told me about letting go. How do I let go of everything I ever wanted? How do I let go of what I thought was perfection? I don't care what anyone said or how it makes me look I really loved everything about everything we had, but we had nothing.  Please tell me where do I go and how to move on from a boy I loved more then I love myself. Make that a movie.

No one ever told me about the feeling when someone falls out of love with you.
No one told me about the heart break after it all.
All these fairy tales and love movies never show you the real pain behide love.
Love is not a beautiful thing.
I would probably say I hate love.
Sadly but love never works out for me.
I'm always the one to love to much.
And get heart broken in the end.
I'm always the one who gets way to attached and when you leave me
I can't cope.
I replay every reason why you would leave me.
What did I do wrong?
Over thinking is one hell of a drug.
Cause it can destroy you.
It can tear you piece by piece
Until there's nothing left of you.    
I would love to see a fairy tale
That shows me the princess
Falling in love with the prince
Who didn't love her
Like she loved him
And her getting heart broken and maybe I'll understand love a little bit better
Then I do now.