last night we listened to my favorite song
you held me close
and hummed in my ear

the strongest sense of melancholy
hit me like a truck

because i don't think i could bear it
if i lose you
and this song becomes steeped with pain

please don't ruin
my favorite song

last time was a shallower love
one made up of saccharine treats
that made me feel momentarily full, high
but ultimately left me empty

this time will be a deeper love
a satiating one, a nourishing one
those sweet bits and bobs are there, of course,
but this time they are the dessert
rather than the main event

why is it that
a wide open day
full of possibilities and options
leaves me feeling like
I've got to fight tooth and nail
to keep sadness at bay?

why does my own company
make my mind whirl?

why does my time
beg to be filled, planned, maximized?

i've spent three years pining for your love
and now i suppose it's time for me
to pine for mine

i am often a bit too rigid
piously adherent to my self-afflicted rules
clinging fiercely to a sense of control

you have shaken me loose

i can see it in your eyes
say it

with each step that I take
wading deeper into these waters

echoes of waves past
wash over me

it's disorienting