I can't get out of bed.
I feel so numb.
"quit begging for attention"
im not. im not.
up and out of bed.
it took me quite some time.
is it noon already?
"there's nothing wrong"
but there is.. there is.
I don't want attention,
give me just the opposite.
don't look at me,
I want to sleep in the dark.
but it's not dark.
But for me it is.
"Just smile"
I tried. I tried.
It was uncomfortable.
I need help.
this isn't a lie, it isn't a lie.

To a smile that is much more than a smile.
A smile that comes and goes,
but not as consistent as the sun.
Before him,
She was in constant darkness.
Not even the moon was there to guide her.
She wandered.
She searched.
Yet she always found the wrong answers.
She found harmful beginnings ,
and toxic ends.
She felt defeated like she had no sense of direction.
Then he saw her.
He saw her tears escape her eyes,
and he decided to be her moon until she could be his sun.
He loved,
and cared,
and understood.
He returned the confidence she once had.
The rose returned to her complexion,
and she became his innocence and he became her life.
When asked how he's different from others, she'll say :
"It's not the difference I see in him,
i'ts the difference I see in myself when i'm with him"
She was his sun, and he was her moon.

this doubt,
its within myself.
it changes my perspective,
on both life and death.
suddenly I don't fear death,
I don't fear the thought of a gun to my head,
as someone else pulls the trigger.
I fear failing and letting down everyone near me.
as the tears flow down my cheek like
a faucet never turned back off,
I fear being not enough.

the more i think,
the more i fear.
i fear for the end of something great.
except it isn't just something great.
it something that causes tears,
and stress along with love.
its something i spend day and night,
just trying to wrap my mind around.
the more i think, the more i fear.
i fear for the end of you and I.

hey b,
You know i love you right?
hey b,
You can always talk to me.
hey b,
I see the sadness in your eyes.
hey b,
You don't have to hide.
hey b,
Please put down the knife.
hey b,
What have you done?
hey b,
Please don't give up.
hey ma,
B decided she was done..
hey b,
it's been a year.
hey b,
i wish you were here..