The start of my life was built on lies.
you didn't want me, but then you did,
and then you disappeared.
I asked mom about you,
I saw the heartbreak in her eyes.
When you showed interest again,
from you, my mom tried to hide.
You reached out to me and I didn't know.
I didn't realize that you preyed on me because I was shy.
I favor Mom, I can't be silenced.
I speak and I am strong.
Although I did cry that night.
Why Dad?
I thought you had changed,
but I deep down I knew something was wrong.
I should've listened to that voice inside.
I just wanted you to love me, Dad,
but not because of our ties.
Not because of who I looked like.
I remember everything that happened.
I remember looking in your eyes.
I saw the storm,
I saw the lust,
I saw the moment you knew you broke my trust.
I'm sure you remember that night,
and I know you knew you were wrong.
You knew what you were doing that night because you told me I looked like Mom.

I'm in love with you
I'm in love with this anxiety-ridden,
stress causing,
confidence lowering relationship of ours.
With each insult thrown,
doubt uncovered,
and questionable action that I see,
I replace it with how it used to be.
I replace it with your words before:
"beautiful, smart, everything you wanted and more..."
I tell myself things will get better,
even though I know they won't,
but each time I bring it up you silence me
and you bring out the word hope.
"have hope in us, please don't give up"
every time you say that I push this metaphoric stick further in the mud.
and when it comes down to it,
I'm like that stick,
IM STUCK

eating away at my chest
deeper and more intense
I can't breathe
I can't see
someone please stop this anxiety,
choking on my own spit
sitting in my own tears
words won't come out of my mouth
stop this , god please.

Being born after 2001 I never understood.
I heard about it and stayed quiet during the moment of silence in school,
but never once did someone really explain to me the tragedy.
11 years of school later, and it's the same routine.
We Stand, We Pledge, We Wait, We Sit.
This year it was different.
I did the research and looked at the pictures.
I heard the desperate phone calls and horrified screams.
I asked questions .
I finally understood.
And with all the lost lives and sacrifices,
its worth being silent for.

my heart is on fire
my mind is stuck on spin
my thoughts won't stop repeating
and i'm keeping it all in
I question your intentions
as 'pure' as they may be
I can't stop myself from wondering
if you plan on hurting me..

the waterfall of resentment that escapes my lips when speaking of you surprises me.
insults roll off my tongue like they'd been waiting to make an acquaintance with your name.
now the anger rolling through my body has intensified-
with the power of a tidal wave able to take out cities.
anger with which has no purpose.
you can't even hear the frustration in my voice or see the hate in my eyes.
it seems like my poems have been consumed with words i'd tell you if i had the chance-
but i don't have the chance
and you don't have a care in the world.
so the waterfall continues to escape and the insults are still rolling.
and i cant tell if it's your attention that i want-
or some closure.

i was a fool,
getting lost in the depth of your lies.
loving every word that passed your lips.
loving every moment,
as your hands found their way to my hips.
i was a fool,
to believe that there was something you wanted from me.
other than what i gave you in between the sheets.
i was a fool,
but you were the pro.
you knew your words sounded so sweet,
you knew i was at an all time low,
but still i was the fool.

runaway to somewhere beautiful,
where worries are afar.
drive to some place magical,
and just drop off my car.
smiles and sunshine,
the only two things i'll let in.
someone please just take me somewhere,
so I can be happy again.