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Alivia Anderson Sep 2018
eating away at my chest
deeper and more intense
I can't breathe
I can't see
someone please stop this anxiety,
choking on my own spit
sitting in my own tears
words won't come out of my mouth
stop this , god please.
Alivia Anderson Nov 2018
as you throw your life away,
your kids cry themselves to sleep hoping you're okay.
we pray for your well being
because you tore your bracelet off.
you spend your time fleeing.
months without talking to you.
we don't know if you're dead.
and there's so much going on,
we don't know where you lay your head.
you left your responsibilities.
we're trying to pick up the slack.
I just wish we knew where you were at..
Alivia Anderson Apr 2018
I can't get out of bed.
I feel so numb.
"quit begging for attention"
im not. im not.
up and out of bed.
it took me quite some time.
is it noon already?
"there's nothing wrong"
but there is.. there is.
I don't want attention,
give me just the opposite.
don't look at me,
I want to sleep in the dark.
but it's not dark.
But for me it is.
"Just smile"
I tried. I tried.
It was uncomfortable.
I need help.
this isn't a lie, it isn't a lie.
Alivia Anderson Apr 2018
runaway to somewhere beautiful,
where worries are afar.
drive to some place magical,
and just drop off my car.
smiles and sunshine,
the only two things i'll let in.
someone please just take me somewhere,
so I can be happy again.
Alivia Anderson Apr 2018
i was a fool,
getting lost in the depth of your lies.
loving every word that passed your lips.
loving every moment,
as your hands found their way to my hips.
i was a fool,
to believe that there was something you wanted from me.
other than what i gave you in between the sheets.
i was a fool,
but you were the pro.
you knew your words sounded so sweet,
you knew i was at an all time low,
but still i was the fool.
Alivia Anderson Sep 2018
like chains wrapping tight around my body,
your love shows no mercy.
engulfing my every sense and every thought,
leaving little to no room for anything else.
i'd never complain about the way you make me feel,
but I'd never deny the stress it's ever brought me .
and as time progresses,
I seem to long for that love that surrounds me ,
and lose the interest in loving myself .
what about my plans for the future before you came around..
Alivia Anderson Sep 2018
unspoken words still haunt me
and escape they never will
the scorching pain that evades me
is a sign sort of telltale
its like feeling on the edge
knowing you're about to fall
but you can't do anything about it
not the slightest thing at all
if I did i'd hurt someone else
and that's something I refuse to do
i'll sacrifice myself until these unspoken words subdue.
Alivia Anderson Mar 2018
hey b,
You know i love you right?
hey b,
You can always talk to me.
hey b,
I see the sadness in your eyes.
hey b,
You don't have to hide.
hey b,
Please put down the knife.
hey b,
What have you done?
hey b,
Please don't give up.
hey ma,
B decided she was done..
hey b,
it's been a year.
hey b,
i wish you were here..
Alivia Anderson Sep 2018
ignorance is bliss
pretend you do not know of the evils that exist
they lurk not only in the darkness,
but in plain day too.
they're in your stores and at the doctors,
yet no one has a clue.
they smile like the rest of us,
and tell jokes of evil things.
they laugh at the levels of our trust,
they aren't normal human beings.
they manipulate and lie,
their brains so twisted sick.
and when all is said and done,
when their actions are over.
don't expect an apology
or look back over your shoulder.
continue with your life,
don't talk to that evil man.
instead of an explanation you'll get
"i dont know, lol ****."
i am not your mistake, you are mine.
Alivia Anderson Apr 2018
To a smile that is much more than a smile.
A smile that comes and goes,
but not as consistent as the sun.
Before him,
She was in constant darkness.
Not even the moon was there to guide her.
She wandered.
She searched.
Yet she always found the wrong answers.
She found harmful beginnings ,
and toxic ends.
She felt defeated like she had no sense of direction.
Then he saw her.
He saw her tears escape her eyes,
and he decided to be her moon until she could be his sun.
He loved,
and cared,
and understood.
He returned the confidence she once had.
The rose returned to her complexion,
and she became his innocence and he became her life.
When asked how he's different from others, she'll say :
"It's not the difference I see in him,
i'ts the difference I see in myself when i'm with him"
She was his sun, and he was her moon.
Alivia Anderson Sep 2018
I am strength.
My whole life I have been looking for stability and support.
Completely blind to the power that I hold.
I told myself that I needed my father.
because not having one means i'm a '*******'
A word that was meant to describe children like me.
But children like me had no choice,
we're subjected to a word because of our parents decisions.
Instead of being subjected to a word that describes ourselves.
I've made it far knowing he didn't want me,
I did this on my own.
So I will not be subjected to the word '*******'
Instead I prefer 'Strength'
we're more than our parents decisions and mistakes. we define ourselves, so choose your own word and wear it proudly.
Alivia Anderson Apr 2018
the waterfall of resentment that escapes my lips when speaking of you surprises me.
insults roll off my tongue like they'd been waiting to make an acquaintance with your name.
now the anger rolling through my body has intensified-
with the power of a tidal wave able to take out cities.
anger with which has no purpose.
you can't even hear the frustration in my voice or see the hate in my eyes.
it seems like my poems have been consumed with words i'd tell you if i had the chance-
but i don't have the chance
and you don't have a care in the world.
so the waterfall continues to escape and the insults are still rolling.
and i cant tell if it's your attention that i want-
or some closure.
Alivia Anderson Sep 2018
I am not subtle
with what my words seem to hide
my face shows confidently,
see I wear my emotions on both inside and out.
feeling 10 times stronger than they should
with no hesitance shown
my words will never match with my face
because I am not subtle
although I try
Alivia Anderson Sep 2018
my heart is on fire
my mind is stuck on spin
my thoughts won't stop repeating
and i'm keeping it all in
I question your intentions
as 'pure' as they may be
I can't stop myself from wondering
if you plan on hurting me..
Alivia Anderson Aug 2019
me nd you ;
we seem so young,
but I promise you we will be fine.
we'eve been through some things,
being apart for months at a time.
I love you so deeply,
I swear you complete me,
my thoughts of you and my future
have started to intertwine.
being with you is so easy,
you treat me so sweet.
don't worry we don't have to rush.
we have more than enough time
I'm going off to college
I have to learn what being an adult is
i'd just prefer to have you by my side
11/19/17 <3
Alivia Anderson Sep 2018
I woke up with a streak of hate,
it's running through my veins.
Everywhere I look
I'm blaming people for my pain.
Its pressure on my chest
refraining me from saying what I want to say
All I want right now
Is isolation through the day.
Alivia Anderson Sep 2018
I miss you.

I lose a piece of me every day.

I lose the half of you that I wanted to keep.

And slowly you fade

Not by choice

But you fade ... and it breaks me.
Alivia Anderson Jan 2019
The words you throw are impeccable,
whole and innocent.
But some of them seem tainted.
tell me what is your intent.
Are you looking for something serious,
it's what you've said before.
Or are you lying through your teeth,
getting what you want
and then walking out the door.
I ask these questions to protect myself,
or maybe because I'm scared.
I've fallen madly in love with you
and I don't like to share.
Can I trust you with my heart,
I mean I know you've had it for a year.
My anxiety is kicking in
and I apologize
I went through this once before,
he hurt me and I trusted him..
Alivia Anderson Mar 2018
this doubt,
its within myself.
it changes my perspective,
on both life and death.
suddenly I don't fear death,
I don't fear the thought of a gun to my head,
as someone else pulls the trigger.
I fear failing and letting down everyone near me.
as the tears flow down my cheek like
a faucet never turned back off,
I fear being not enough.
Alivia Anderson Sep 2018
Appreciate the Rain
It's subtle beauty is hidden by the sky,
tinted by the grey of storms with a saddened reputation.
Alivia Anderson Sep 2018
Being born after 2001 I never understood.
I heard about it and stayed quiet during the moment of silence in school,
but never once did someone really explain to me the tragedy.
11 years of school later, and it's the same routine.
We Stand, We Pledge, We Wait, We Sit.
This year it was different.
I did the research and looked at the pictures.
I heard the desperate phone calls and horrified screams.
I asked questions .
I finally understood.
And with all the lost lives and sacrifices,
its worth being silent for.
Alivia Anderson Oct 2018
The start of my life was built on lies.
you didn't want me, but then you did,
and then you disappeared.
I asked mom about you,
I saw the heartbreak in her eyes.
When you showed interest again,
from you, my mom tried to hide.
You reached out to me and I didn't know.
I didn't realize that you preyed on me because I was shy.
I favor Mom, I can't be silenced.
I speak and I am strong.
Although I did cry that night.
Why Dad?
I thought you had changed,
but I deep down I knew something was wrong.
I should've listened to that voice inside.
I just wanted you to love me, Dad,
but not because of our ties.
Not because of who I looked like.
I remember everything that happened.
I remember looking in your eyes.
I saw the storm,
I saw the lust,
I saw the moment you knew you broke my trust.
I'm sure you remember that night,
and I know you knew you were wrong.
You knew what you were doing that night because you told me I looked like Mom.
you still haunt me to this day dad.. thanks.
Alivia Anderson Sep 2018
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with this anxiety-ridden,
stress causing,
confidence lowering relationship of ours.
With each insult thrown,
doubt uncovered,
and questionable action that I see,
I replace it with how it used to be.
I replace it with your words before:
"beautiful, smart, everything you wanted and more..."
I tell myself things will get better,
even though I know they won't,
but each time I bring it up you silence me
and you bring out the word hope.
"have hope in us, please don't give up"
every time you say that I push this metaphoric stick further in the mud.
and when it comes down to it,
I'm like that stick,
IM STUCK
Alivia Anderson Mar 2018
the more i think,
the more i fear.
i fear for the end of something great.
except it isn't just something great.
it something that causes tears,
and stress along with love.
its something i spend day and night,
just trying to wrap my mind around.
the more i think, the more i fear.
i fear for the end of you and I.
Alivia Anderson Feb 2019
my heart has been on fire for a minute now,
it's been a couple days and I'm still hurt.
before I found out the truth,
I thought I had nothing to lose
but I lost my dignity
the minute I forgave you.
I fell for your tricks
and I fell for the tears.
I feel like a fool now that it's done.
This feeling in my chest
is something I can't overcome,
because it returns every time
I think about what you could've done.
I wish I would've said goodbye
the minute I found out you lied but instead,
I was the girl that set her pride aside.
Now I can't trust a word you say
and I question you every day.
I gave you everything I had to offer,
every ounce of love and trust in my bones.
All it did was hurt me and stick me with the thought
"why couldn't I have just left this boy alone"
You
Alivia Anderson Sep 2018
You
I love your eyes,
the way those colors constantly collide
like the Caribbean sea and a sun setting sky.
A perfect combination to which I fell in love,
I swear you were sent from heaven
you're my blessing from above
and i'd die for those lips of yours,
they make my knees grow weak
with each simple kiss and perfect smile,
I lose all ability to speak.
You have some effect on me
as crazy as it seems
I love everything about you
every last little thing
I love every last thing about you.

— The End —