The start of my life was built on lies.
you didn't want me, but then you did,
and then you disappeared.
I asked mom about you,
I saw the heartbreak in her eyes.
When you showed interest again,
from you, my mom tried to hide.
You reached out to me and I didn't know.
I didn't realize that you preyed on me because I was shy.
I favor Mom, I can't be silenced.
I speak and I am strong.
Although I did cry that night.
Why Dad?
I thought you had changed,
but I deep down I knew something was wrong.
I should've listened to that voice inside.
I just wanted you to love me, Dad,
but not because of our ties.
Not because of who I looked like.
I remember everything that happened.
I remember looking in your eyes.
I saw the storm,
I saw the lust,
I saw the moment you knew you broke my trust.
I'm sure you remember that night,
and I know you knew you were wrong.
You knew what you were doing that night because you told me I looked like Mom.

I'm in love with you
I'm in love with this anxiety-ridden,
stress causing,
confidence lowering relationship of ours.
With each insult thrown,
doubt uncovered,
and questionable action that I see,
I replace it with how it used to be.
I replace it with your words before:
"beautiful, smart, everything you wanted and more..."
I tell myself things will get better,
even though I know they won't,
but each time I bring it up you silence me
and you bring out the word hope.
"have hope in us, please don't give up"
every time you say that I push this metaphoric stick further in the mud.
and when it comes down to it,
I'm like that stick,
IM STUCK