I'm tired of writing
about you
wish I could just drop the pen
release all this frustration
some other way
or even better
slap myself across the face
and be done with it
all this effort- feels so useless
can you believe
that this is the only way
I know how to try

Ugly.
I will never be
beautiful.
I'm
useless.
It's a lie to say I am
going to make it.*
I am
Different from the other girls.
I am
not pretty.
Ugly.
I am not like them. They are
better.
My life will only get
worse.
I can't expect to get
My life in my hands.
It's time to end this, to take it.

Conscience, consuming.
My stomach has turned inside
and in on itself.

My eyes have rotted
and reduced to such lifeless,
stationary orbs.

Today is the day,
I ***** my weaknesses
to teach myself strength.

How do you begin the day
                        when the night never came to an end?

Tattered remains of a past that has died, a shell of history
lie on the banks of the skin of my pride
still existing in part of all that I am and have been
wantonly refusing to live on or to die

I see pieces of life floating by on the wreckage and the shame
tumbling under the current passing me by
****** into the whirlpool of remembrance and pain
only felt when I close my eyes

Now who is to say where the bitter wreckage should lie
as I cling to the remembrance of pain
floating like driftwood onto the banks of my pride
stealing the will to remain

There are screams in my head to remember or forget
or just accept them as part of my own
as I open my eyes and let go of the banks of my pride
I see the tattered remains of my past move on

A tiny raindrop
her wet wings fluttering
...braving deafening thunder
dazzled streaks of lightening...

...her dreams at the mercy
of a larger cosmic plan
plops on my naked palm
blends with the tear drop
resting there
waiting me to grasp it all...
the illusion ...the real
and the truth

emerging ... fading...and re-emerging
with the shadows...


...shrouded in a scented dusk.

I don't have walls
rather fences
your brain could hop

Love is but a game;
manipulations of emotions are required.