you make me want to listen
to all those silly love songs
that I learned to love
and each song reminds me of
a different person's name
...
well
they used to
now they're all yours
and so am i.

We are a liars, because
the truth of yesterday becomes a lie tomorrow,
whereas letters are fixed,
and we live by the letter of truth.
The love I feel for my friend, this year,
is different from the love I felt last year.
If it were not so, it would be a lie.
Yet we reiterate love! love! love!
as if it were a coin with a fixed value
instead of a flower that dies, and opens a different bud.

I walked by and heard your voice
I looked around but I couldn't find you
For every love that didn't mind you
I can't just wait forever and sit
In a place without you; it's just not a choice
But you weren't here and I swear I heard your voice
Filled with so much beauty and poise
That every other voice just fades to noise
It is such a shame that I am all the way over here
In a land where all the men are mere boys
Where insanity reigns and everyone plays petty games
Children don't have love, just plenty of toys
Nothing around here is as it may appear
But with you everything is so crystal clear
Not here, everything is hazy in this place
People act out of frustration and fear
The anguish and hopelessness is thrown in your face
I will not succumb to this misery, darling
I will find my way to you or I will forever be disgraced
I would forever be shamed
For though the distance is a temporary pain
Our hearts still beat the same
On mine you've staked your claim
And regardless of flames or the rain
Or the end of the earth due to drastic climate change
I am making my way to you to love you
Until the end of all of time because I am yours
and through the void you are mine
It's through the void that I hear the beauty of your words
And though you aren't here I am coming to you
Because a love like ours deserves to be heard
Where I am now is ripping at me; making me depressed
And you deserve nothing but the best and I am so blessed
to have the opportunity to love you like you deserve
So I am coming there and getting out of this place
So that I don't have to hear your voice echoed by ghosts in the space

Life is good
Life is swell
Looking at you
from the bottom of my well

You say relax, sit back and smile
I say I would if I didn't have to shovel this pile

Razor blades outside my skin
repel your love cutting me within

My tortured mind takes over reason
I try to hold on white knuckling the season

I didn't invite this darkness to enter
It barges on in, knocking me off of my center
I pull from my bag of miraculous tricks
Meditation, Deep Breathing, but nothing sticks

The hardest part is what this does to you and me
I cry I'm sorry Babe, here is my apology

I'm awful to be around, to talk to, to love
I pray for your patience
and strength from above

I've lost the real me it seems to be
My sadness and nerves are my identity

I know I'm still here, plugging along
Playing Mommy, cleaning house, but without any song

Please reach closer when I push you away
Not easy I know, especially some days
Your love and tenderness ground me to home
You by my side shows me I'm not alone

Scrunched in my darkness
Squinting for light
Reach your hand out to me; say "It'll be alright"

My distance is really a huge shield of shame
I hate myself, loathe myself and take all the blame

This is not really me; messed up thoughts inside
I want to purge it all leaving my heart open wide

I love you, I need you, I want you near
It's so hard to ask you to wipe up my tears

*Today's reality, skewed and blue
Tomorrow may bring sunshine
And Me back to You.