I caught myself thinking today about life and the way we live it. The different exit signs we place here and there for our safety as we navigate our existence. We place them on relationships, jobs, and hard times. They make us feel better somehow. Having an exit strategy or a way out, not feeling trapped all the time. If you were to pay attention you would see them too, maybe in your own life, or the lives of others. They are everywhere. Yet, they are only immediately visible to the person who put them there. To everyone else, they are naught but a hind sight. I have lived long enough to place my own, and sadly see those placed by others. What I didn’t see, was the distance of someone as they were moving away. What I failed to see in time was that they were heading towards an exit sign.

My lips feel heavy,
as I watch you fill yourself
with toxic waste.

Disgust bubbles hotly,
but no judgement
will I ever speak.

After all,
I wouldn't want you
to judge me for my
cup of ice against your
plate of pasta. My dark
circles against your
rosy cheeks.

Shaking tremors
make me tap at the
table in between us.

What do you see
when you look at me?
Beauty? Or bones?

When I look at
you, all I ever see
is a life I will
never have the luxury
of living. Mouthfuls of
treasure I'll never
be able to think
of consuming.

When I play pretend,
I always pretend
to be you.

And it's always
better than I
ever think it will be.

Even when the
consequences of
being you fill
my mouth with bile
over a pure white
basin, the memories
are still worth it.

Still enough,
to get me through
another week.

Accepting the truth
Can be as simple as
Accepting yourself

letter addressed
to the girl
too rush hour
to take the scenic route

dear fast line,
i know you didn't
choose this.
i know how hypnotizing
those yellow lines
can be but
if you keep
chasing that pavement
you'll run out of fuel
and i can't promise
your parents will
find someone like you
again.

and they'll wonder
what set your eyes
on the highway
when you come
from such a
michigan avenue father
and middle lane mother.
may i ask you
how your gps
forgot your home address?

i guess it happened
with time.
one less trip turned
to two a year.
your mothers tears
turned to sighs.

she kissed me twice
for you.
one for your forehead
another for you Ford.
may it keep you
when you go
where her God can't.

since her knees
are too soft for kneeling
she nodded toward the ceiling.
flashing God
her grin lines and gray hairs
like see, i bare stripes
just like your son.
yes i sin and i saint
but this ain't about me.
i need you to keep
my daughters.

too many fathered
ain't got fathers.
too many men
haven't figured out
the price of absence
is far more than
a gallon of gas
a six pack of beer
and a bachelor pad.

too many children
grew up with the half
the guidance.
only knowing
to trust Magellan
and Garmin
with a backseat God
who only gets to drive
when the light ain't green.

there are too many women
caught between
crash driven children
and the cross walk.

to the girl
who hasn't flashed
her break lights for miles

choose your exit wisely.

don't wait
til the last second
to switch lanes.
the end game
is much closer
than it appears
in your side mirrors.

These are the words
you wish you'd spoke
out loud when she
shoved her tongue
in your mouth.

Guttural screams
that force the veins
to the surface of
that porcelain skin.
Cast to be broken
in my arms like
every single note
that pours out of that
******* busted stereo.