I'm tired of it all...

the jealously,
the hurt,
getting back,
the anger..

just...everything!

Why can't we just start over

be friends,

and just be happy you came back?

Every teacher, producer, moneymaker.

They fly by with their huge signs and loud prints.

Everything is a constant cramming in

REMEMBER THIS!!

BUY THIS!!

DON'T BUY THAT!! THIS IS BETTER!!

DON'T FORGET TO STUDY FOR THE TEST!!

No one shuts up,

or burns down those signs.


Maybe someday things will get better,

But they won't.

One day our eyes will burn out

our ears blow.


And maybe then we'll have some peace.

I can't sleep.
'Cause I know if I do...
I'll wake up crying
and I'll never be able to explain.

Smiles get harder

                            and harder to fake

                                                          as the day wears on

After sleeping in until 11,
I get to act like I'm 10 again.
Play Lego's with my brother
while blasted music we both love.

Rediscovering imagination and old memories.
While new are being made.

You don't understand...
you never will

Ever.

You don't understand that late nights
are all I have.

So what if it affects my grades?                                                          ­        (by the way, it doesn't)
At least I'll know that someone will hear me.
that someone will be able to relate

Because you never will.
As much as you think you do.

This is the only way to break out of my shell.
And if I have to fight you to get my hammer,

*so be it

BAM**

Outta the solar system.

go find another planet to revolve around you

as long as you don't burn me up,

I'm happy

All that ends

with just a half-hearted handshake...

its you i like, the way you are right now, the way down deep inside you, not the things that hide you

You don't get it...

when I say no one listens

I mean the only person I wish would care





doesnt..

So sorry...

so sorry...


This must be my fault

I'll do anything to fix this.


I'm so sorry...

I'm so sorry...

You are always rated to someone else.

No one cares any personal improvement.

If you don't win, you aren;t good enough.

You are my spring
that melts

    a

                    w

                                               a

                                                                                        y

the cold snow.

Stars shining bright in the sky

blur together

as tears start to form

I'll do anything to stay at school.

Run my **** off,
swim 'til I'm numb,
help save the earth (like I give a ****)
or learn about stuff I'll never need to know.

Any thing is better then what awaits me at home.

Steady, things have been going steady,

starting to be someone new and improved

maybe actually be someone that another guy would like.

But then you appear somehow again

dragging me back into my dreary old life and mind

After all that...


I guess I really meant nothing to you

Why can't you just let it go

and stop ruining it for everyone else?

I might not be a straight A student

Sure, I can always get the perfect grades you want me to get.

I understand you're trying to make me do what you didn't
so I have a "better life" or whatever....

But so what?
Maybe I am just like you were
And you turned out fine
You have a good job and a big house

What's one grade going to do to my life?

What if I don't want to go through med school like you want me to?

I honestly don't care what you think,
8th grade isn't gonna **** the rest of my life
If I get one bad grade

There is a place I've heard of
many times from many people.
I've heard it's bright and green,
full of life and real smiles.

Of jumping around,
free of scolding parents
and constant demands of normal,
free of the heavy weight of societies expectations.

It's this strange, and wonderful place I've only heard of.
They say it's called "Happiness"

I want to be strong,
I know I am inside.
But your lack of words are stronger
and keep me coming back
with the hope there's something you want to say.

You're stuck in my head,

and I'm counting the days

until I can see you again.

I'm stupid,
it takes me longer to understand something then you.

When I'm halfway done with a problem set,
you're done.

Is it just that you guys are insanely smart?
I don't think so... there's others that do better.

It's like I'm constantly getting this message
that if I'm not the best
then I'm not going to ever have life.

I'm just taking my time for now...
is that such a crime?


Just don't isolate me and send a message

that I'm stupid and worthless.

Because I know that to some people,
I'm not

I don't need some perfect, rich, famous singer to tell me
that you don't have to be perfect,
skinny,
pretty,
popular.

Cause they have it all, so what does their word mean?

I've told you how I've always wanted to watch a sunrise.
From the very beginning,
when the night sky is a dark navy,
instead of black at one corner of the horizon.
I've also told you how I've always been to scared to be out in the dark alone.
Well, I finally got my chance to watch my sunrise.
I wish you could have been there to see it.
It was everything I've told you it would be.
I just forgot the mention how lonely it would be without you.

Everyone has taken their pictures of the sun set,
the sun is gone, and its not what people like on postcards
and to show off the friends anymore.

But as the tourists leave the beach in one big crowd,
they fail to notice the moon rising
large and bright behind them

Swords pressed to the point of breaking,
you feel like you are breathing to hard,
but you aren't breathing at all.

This fight will never continue or end
unless someone gives up or in.

And this time, I promise it won't be me.

I used to have enough anger and frustration

to go right through a brick wall,

and then build it back up again, just so I could destroy it again.

But they forced it in me.

That yes, you can always be yourself,

but you can't go against our rules.

Everything I have is that will the fight against the systems they have set up.

And the beat all that will, all the fight I had in me out and into the radioactive rivers flowing by

so calmly, so peacefully.

And now I'm nothing

but another clone

another....thing that has been beaten out of their system.

You burned a tattoo on my heart
that I used to be proud of wearing.


But people don't lie when they say removing a tattoo
is much more painful then getting the tattoo in the first place.

Someday I'll give you a tattoo

it will be right on your chest and will be a heart.

Just so it at least looks like you have one.

A tear silently

s l o w l y

makes it's way

  d
       o
            w
                 n.
                     m
                          y.
                              c
                                 h
                                     e
                                        e
                                           k.

I can feel the parasites crawling from behind my eyes.

Time to take a shower again.

Tears are words
that the heart can't say

All these rain drops

are just my tears



*f
   a
l
    l
i
   n
g

   d
o
   w
n

If only those boys could walk around

with a sign saying "cheater"

Everyone needs time to step back and take a look at their life

To try to understand the action of him/herself and those around them.

Look out for that boy that's always running.

If he stops for you,

he won't be there for long,

it's against his nature.

That boy sitting at his computer across town

is not someone I know.

Maybe on the outside...

but something has happened that I cannot explain.

That boy has gone mute

to what matters

At one point,
tears aren't worth it anymore.

And you're left with that feeling,
that you're missing something.

Make a wish on a shooting star.*

I can only see the northern star
and the big dipper.

Stars are hidden by artificial lights
in the city.

One day I'll run away,
and find my shooting star.

Like a snake waiting in the shadows
We both know it's there

How do we get rid of it?

simple answer:

We don't

Shruging like it's no big deal,
smiling and truely meaning it,
seeing other options...
better options then you were.

All part of beginning the process of letting go.