Everyone says they want to forget
I never want to forget what we had...
I just won't let the regret and longing dominate my life.

Everyone says you will figure out your purpose in life soon enough.

But that hasn't happened yet.

"Losing" you
gave me the chance to see
what's really important in life.

No matter where you go

their prying eyes will be there.

They have to see everything you write,

everything you feel and why.

Anything that they can use against you

to build you up ever so slightly,

and then pull you crashing down.

With each tear drop

another cherished memory of you

fades.

It can get so tiring
fighting against air
when you are continuously falling.

My messages are pending...

is it crazy that i check every few minutes
just to see if you have been on?

maybe things never really ended between us...
maybe you think of me as often as i think of you...

but that's just a stupid wish

No.....I can't even dare to hope.

Because it will always end in disappointment

and tears.

My brother and father are talking the the front of the car.
About some cool twist in mystery my brother learned about in school,
or maybe about a latest buisness plan.
My youngest brother is sleeping next to me in the very back of the car.
My middle brother is listening to music,
like he always does as he falls asleep.
My sister is sleeping as well.
She can't read, because she always gets car sick.
And I'm sitting awake in the back seat,
as I always am on this long trip.
Staring out the window...
just thinking about everything going on in my life,
trying to find anything in it to grasp...
trying to fight back the threatening tears.
This is how it always is at 1 in the morning on this never ending trip.
We are all in this small space for a long time.
But no one will ever know me like they think they do.
Even if they asked...(which they never will) why would I tell?
I'll just be told I'm being silly,
and then a lecture will start on how they grew up,
and how that's how I should as well...

Not that i'll ever listen.

"This isn't how things are supposed to be"
she said.
"I'm so sorry you have to hear all this"
she said.

If she really means this,
then why doesn't she make the effort necessary to save everything from falling apart?
Why doesn't she stand up so her voice can be heard when she's right?

Why can't she care 100% for once...
not be halfway here in mind.
Like things are supposed to be.
Don't be a hypocrite...
I don't need another in my life.
But please just try to open your eyes
and keep our family together.
Because I can't do it by myself.

He's my new chapter,
a new favorite song to memorize

That happiness is up there

on top of the world,

an easy trip,

there are elevators and stairs

But I'm afraid of heights

I swoop down suddenly
my stomach drops

then I'm blown on

over dry fields
and cracked riverbeds

dust stinging in the wind

I cling onto each note,
each word like a life support system,
and I'm on the decline.
Thanks for paying the hospital bill with
the song,
the words,
the notes
you left behind for me to live off.

Innocence is ruined

when in first grade

the sound of fireworks celebrating freedom

takes you back to a day in a classroom

that almost ended your life

Wasn´t really thinkin',
wasn´t lookin' ,
wasn´t searching for an answer
In the moonlight
When I saw your face

Saw you lookin' at me,
saw you peeking out from under moon beams
Through the palm trees
Swayin' in the breeze

I know, I´m feelin' so much more than ever before
And so I´m giving more to you than I though I could do

Don´t know how it happened, don´t know why, but you don´t
really need a reason
When the stars shine
Just to fall in love

Made to love each other, made to be together, for a life time
In the sunshine
Flying in the sky

I know I´m feelin' so much more than ever before
And so I´m giving more to you than I thought I could do

Now I know love is real
So when the sky high, as the angels try
Letting you and I Fly love

The ocean breeze whips my skirt against my legs
Only, at this point, even my favorite place in the world
can't mend what has been broken inside of me.

I walk into the cool waves
they foam about my ankles, wetting the ends of my skirt
I stand there for what seems like eternity
the tides come in, water reaching to my knees.

The sun sets and everything becomes unbearably cold
I can't stand here, listless, forever.
(although I wish I could)
My feet move, taking me to the boardwalk.

I don't know what's worse.

You openly insulting me

or ignoring me like I'm not there.

Maybe there a chance for us n-

no.*

I'm done.

No more "us"

no more useless hoping.

I know better now,

that'll never work no matter what.

This time I'm just glad I have my friend back.

Nothing to say,
nothing to do.

What do I do now?
Who do I turn to?

One of the best in my life
may soon be gone.

There's no place or person to turn to.
But if nothing is done, it won't be to long.

"So I got this idea for a poem"

"Nono!!! You can't write that!
you'll regret it when he reads it"

Doesn't mean it's about him!!!

Freedom of Speech has more then one meaning

then being lawfully allowed to speak your mind.

And if it means you don't have to face consequences,

then that law is fake.

It's amazing how two people

at one time can appear perfect for each other

even when they aren't

and then the inevitable comes

gradual distancing via work and some other lame excuse

and then it's just not there...

and even if they still love each other,

it's to different

and they go their own ways.

Leaving two children behind.

The moon is full and bright.

For some reason, I can't keep my eyes off of it.

I guess I'm just hoping that where ever you are,

you're looking at it and thinking of me to.

Your ghost will always be here.

But now I can deal with it

I try not to lose control now...

because I know this time I won't be able to recover

once I burst

Why can't we stay like this
just how we are?

If we want more,
it will just fall apart
if you leave
everything will be broken again

I just hope
that I won't stop
wishing you were here

I feel like some over attached girlfriend...
I hope I don't seem that way,
but if we aren't even going to be distant friends,
then I want things to be left on a positive note.

I think I've figured it out...
finally

I've started to actually see your flaws
not just the obvious ones,

every

single

one

I didn't before, it's weird how love does that
I even looked everything over when you cheated.

Is our friendship worth saving?
I don't know...
not if i need to kneel down to every little mistake i make

You make me tired now...
like a book i've read one to many times.

This saddens me only because there were so many happy memories with you
I have even already made you a birthday card a month in advance.

I guess that will be my goodbye...
Maybe i'll wait though...maybe i'll find something to cling to.

I think this is me being completely over you

I no longer get sad looking over our old chats
just indifferent.

Hope you don't read this before my mind is completely made up...
there still might be a chance.

But the book's ending is expected every time now,
and there's no excitement in it...
not even interest, i know everything now.

The hero doesn't get the girl,
'cause that's to cliche,
he didn't want her anyways
and the lost girl is never rescued.

That's the real ending...
not what's written in the pages,
but in real life.
I don't live in fantasy anymore.

And that's what you are,
so there's no point in trying.

I laugh along
just because at one point

I would of actually been laughing.
But now it just kills...

because while he's being his old self with you,
he won't even talk to me.

It's when you walk away with a smile on your face,
wind blowing your hair back,
a song playing in your head,
contrasting the usual depressing tune.

Just knowing that there's a chance for us...

                                                                                                                                              *maybe...

You offer a weak smile, a half-hearted laugh, and they're happy.

They never think of why your eyes don't shine, or you're smile broad.

They just want to reasurre themselves that everything is perfect.

Is there any point anymore?

You don't return my calls

and I end up sounding like an idiot

talking into the phone as if you're actually listening.

~

So here's the birthday card I made you in advance

back when we actually talked and laughed together.

It's like inside I knew it would fall apart even as I hoped it wouldn't.

~

Happy birthday to a face with a name and a personality I don't know.

Hello and goodbye, stranger.

When you jump out

I feel that thrill of being scared

of the hope

that maybe you'll stay this time.