The many people push off the train.
I must stay on, but everyone is leaving.
And pushing me along with them.
Their dull faces not caring that staying,
not going with the flow of people,
is everything to me.

As I'm about to be pushed out,
I fight back, looking back into the train.
There is a couple standing there,
they somehow escaped the flow.
Holding hands, smiling brightly.
Moving in closer.
"NO!!" I shout as the people block my sight
and I'm carried out.

No....that was my everything.
That should have been me.

I should have been her.
I should have been holding his hand.
I should have been happy.

You always imagine something to happen a certain way.

But for some reason,

it seems the other person always has a different imagination.

It's a constant struggle

to find true happiness in my life

without you.

I don't know why I keep coming back.

You never cared and never will.

I'll do anything to stay at school.

Run my **** off,
swim 'til I'm numb,
help save the earth (like I give a ****)
or learn about stuff I'll never need to know.

Any thing is better then what awaits me at home.

“You need to read with brighter light! You’re going to have glasses by the time you’re 20! Is that what you want?”
Sorry, but I don’t care.

“Stop playing music so loud, you’re going to need hearing aids when you’re older!”
Do I care? Won’t almost everyone need hearing aids at a certain age?

“Don’t dance or sing in a store! Everyone will think you’re crazy!”
So? It’s not like anyone knows me or I care.

Didn’t you have fun when you were younger?
Didn’t you test the limits at all?

I live in the moment, and that’s how I will for the rest of my life.

Don’t you know?
Thinking about the future ruins the present.

One can only study so much
Practice for so long
Stay locked up for a period for time.

Complain about being stuck inside?
There are only so many miles one can run,
So many pounds someone can lift,
So much weight one can lose.

Don’t **** me when I’m young,
I don’t care if that’s what your parents did to you,
I’m not letting it happen to me.

Swords pressed to the point of breaking,
you feel like you are breathing to hard,
but you aren't breathing at all.

This fight will never continue or end
unless someone gives up or in.

And this time, I promise it won't be me.

You know when you're missing someone that's far away?
Well, with you, it's that same kind of thing...

Only you're tantalizingly close.

At one point,
tears aren't worth it anymore.

And you're left with that feeling,
that you're missing something.

When most people step into calm waters,
the only effects are a few small ripples.

But you never just step into calm waters.
You cannon ball and send waves crashing.

Tonight I'm missing nothing...

but my life, my best friend

The wind is howling outside, they say.

I wouldn't know,

it's not cold in here with you,

and I couldn't hear the wind,

not with this perfect music playing.

I don't know why I can't stop smiling,
everything has been going wrong lately.

But maybe its just because
you've come into my life

"Be good for your mommy, ok?"

The girl tried to control herself,
she didn't know what was going on,
but it was something bad...
why was Daddy saying goodbye?
Why is Mommy crying so much?
Everyone was scaring her so much.

She nodded her head,
and hugged Dad.
Mommy was at the other side of the bed,
holding onto Dad's hand.

"Mommy? What's wrong with Dad?"
"Honey...Dad is saying...goodbye"
she choked to get the words out.
"I'm sorry Sweetie...but we'll be alright"

Suddenly, Dad started gasping,
and she couldn't breath for fear.
What was going on?

A small noise came from his mouth,
and she thought she could hear the words
"I love you"
and then Daddy was still.

"Daddy!!! Wake up!!! What's wrong???"
she started screaming,
everyone was crying,
no one was telling her what was happening.


She never felt so alone.


Now she's 16,
and she doesn't remember
what it was like to be swung in circles
in his strong arms,
and knowing he had the answer to everything.
She can't remember making tents in the living room to sleep in,
or Mom laughing out loud.

She can only remember the one night
when everything she knew went away.

Shut up and move along, boy.

'cause you've just been replaced.

Stars collide
creating a brillant light show
in the skies

Oh **** it!
I ate a whole slice of cake,
how could I?

I'll never get to 90 lbs. this way...
When my parents go to bed,
it'll be another trip to the bathroom
to get rid of those ugly calories.

I'm never hungry anymore,
and I only eat one meal a day
(of course, only half...only fat people eat full meals)

I can already see all of my ribs,
I that's good right?
all the models look like that.

Maybe now I can fit in with the real crowd,
and I'll get a good guy.
All I have to do is get my stomach a little more flat,
lose those 3 more pounds.

Then I'll be perfect.

Baby, stop drowning me.
I need air,
let me be on my own for once.

I need to swim to land,
I need to feel the solid ground beneath my feet.
stop dragging me under the surface.

Baby, please stop drowning me.

You were once my one companion
You were all that mattered
You were once a friend and father
Then my world was shattered
Wishing you were somehow here again
Wishing you were somehow near
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed
Somehow you would be here

Wishing I could hear your voice again
Knowing that I never would
Dreaming of you won't help me to do
All that you dreamed I could
Passing bells and sculpted angels
Cold and monumental seem, for you the wrong companions
You were warm and gentle

Too many years fighting back tears
Why can't the past just die?
Wishing you were somehow here again
Knowing we must say, "Goodbye"
Try to forgive, teach me to live
Give me the strength to try
No more memories, no more silent tears
No more gazing across the wasted years
Help me say, "Goodbye"
Help me say, "Goodbye"

No.....I can't even dare to hope.

Because it will always end in disappointment

and tears.

All these characters lose their different shapes and meanings.

Is there really any point in this?

I don't need some perfect, rich, famous singer to tell me
that you don't have to be perfect,
skinny,
pretty,
popular.

Cause they have it all, so what does their word mean?

Is it so wrong that I agree with someone else?
And if I ever try to voice my opinion,
you will come up with all these things wrong with it.

"Stay" you would stay.
But I still don't understand.

Why would everyone would be so disappointed
if I followed a different path?

Thanks....
for giving the greatest gift
of going to sleep with a smile.

Out of habit I sign into my email
just to click on an empty inbox.

It can get so tiring
fighting against air
when you are continuously falling.

Stars shining bright in the sky

blur together

as tears start to form

Not long ago,
I thought maybe I could do something special in life
even if in a very small way.

But I forgot I'm not good at anything.

I always end up in a state of self loathing,

but maybe it's worth it for those few minutes

of feeling like I could do anything I wished

I always end up in a state of self loathing,

but maybe it's worth it for those few minutes

of feeling like I could do anything I wished

Although I don't regret my decision,
I'll always miss you,
and wish that you gave me a second chance.

"if you'd just pretended to understand that one time"

sorry, but I don't pretend....
no matter what it costs,
and if I have to pretend for us,
none of it matters.

I'll forgive him a hundred times over (but no more then that)
just because he was so lost and confused...

but you.........

knew.....

The mind is a never ending maze,
at each turn is an infinite different new paths                                                            ­                a decision
sometimes you are walking on cool, green grass                                            warm feelings, often love
other times, on blazing hot coals                                                            ­                                            anger
maybe a long passageway must be crossed on a tightrope                                          overcoming fear
or your feet on solid stone                                                            ­                                         security, trust

Eventually, the maze will dissolve,
and there will be no more passageways to walk
or turns to make                                                             ­                                                                 ­        *death

I just hope
that I won't stop
wishing you were here

1 2 3 4

another friend going out the door

5 6 7 8

for my last friend to leave, I only have to wait

Your words were always there to help me stay strong
but you just had to leave for your own reasons.

Now your words just tear me down
and I’m left wandering the skies without you

when this beach is stained ******,
lit only by stars at midnight,
no one will know in the morning
because the tide is coming in
and will wash it all away.

Crunchy leaves lay on the guitar
as the music drifts off in the wind

The city spreads out before you,

large and bright with sound.

In moments like this,

you feel like you own the world,

and the future is full of opportunities