Alice Julia Miller

Alice Julia Miller Nov 2013

Kiss

I wish
I could kiss away your scars
That they'd slip up
Onto my lips
Slide away
Like insubstantial gossamer
And I could swallow them whole
And they'd never come back again

My scars
Are so long gone
Though nobody ever cared enough
To press their mouth to them
To drink them in like they wished
They'd disappear

I am so glad
To be the reason that
You don't mar your skin
To be the reason the
Perfectpale surface
Of your arm
Stays as pure as it can be
When spider-webbed
By the pain of your past

Though words cut deeper than knives
You still cut
So deep
And I want to be there
Every day
To love your tears into oblivion
So they never return

I tell you it's my job
When you try to thank me
But if it's work
Then I am living the dream
Because all I could ever want
Is to be a reason you smile.

Alice Julia Miller Nov 2013

Blueberry Muffins Are The Key to A Man's Heart

If I didn't know better
I'd say you love me
For my baking
That you love me
Because I don't care
That you sorta wish
You could be a girl and that I
In fact
Enjoy the idea of you wearing girl's clothes

The idea that you are a nerd
A debate geek
Antisocial
And yet you find yourself
Always
Wanting
To see me.

You tell me
That being around me
Makes the need to open up your sweetpale
Skin go away
If only
For a few days

If I didn't know better
I'd say you love me
For the sparkle of my eyes
The dance of my laugh
The sleekness of my body pressed to yours
That you loved the way I hold you when
Anxieties tendrils try to pull you under
I'd think you love
My Mind
My Heart
My Soul
My Everything

But it's just the muffins...

Right?

Alice Julia Miller Nov 2013

You are Me

The synchronicity
Of our lives
Overwhelms me some days

Our dead end
Relationships
Of pain and
Emotional decay ending within
Days
And she abused you
The same way he destroyed me
The same words
Stabbed our fragile
Doves of hearts
They made us need them
With the same
Trickery.

Sometimes you say things
Beyond what I feel I ever could have handled
When you cry to me
Ask me
If you're worthless
I think
That if I hadn't decided to be your anything
Your everything
I couldn't take it

I hold you close
My bare *******
Pressing you because
You need to not want to die and I'm the only one
To ever
Make the anxiety
Leave.

"You're a potential mate
Because
I need
Somebody smart."
Were I anyone else
I think I'd be offended
But we
Understand
That it's actually okay
And you make me
FEEL
Actually
Okay.

Alice Julia Miller Nov 2013

My Legacy

I thought that
Just maybe
After we were done
You were going to finish it out
Finish high school like you should have
Even though you failed
In the long run
Never asking for help.

When we were still a cat and a horse
Against the infinite pain of the world
I offered all the help I could give
With an open paw
That you never
Took.
I'm the
Smartest
Girl
You will ever love
Yet you wouldn't let me
Help you with your
Geometry homework.

I just wanted
To be happy and I
Ruined everything for everyone and maybe
You were all the better it was ever going to get and I'm
Never going to be with the him
Or anyone ever again
And I'm going to die

Alone.

Alice Julia Miller Oct 2013

The Almost-Having but not Quite

There's the strangest
Frailty
Purity
To the way we are now
You are 2 letters short
Of saying the words
I want to hear.

We're a thing.
Not
Together,
But admittedly
Not
Apart
And as we sit
Curled sweetgently
On the sofa
I feel your lips
Your teeth
At my neck
Ear
Cheek
Dancing on and off my skin
Twittering, fluttering
Like the way small birds mate
Intricate patterns
For instants of contact
And I want to kiss you
In exactly the way
I want to love you
Long, hard, with
Love permeating every
Fragment
That will resurface
After passion is spent and
The radiating post-pleasure and closeness
Descends.

We're not dating
But we're kissing
And you act
Like you could be my girlfriend
My coat keeping you warm
When you need it but then
You take it.
I think I wouldn't care
If you were really a woman
Because I am in love
With your soul,
Because, despite every stitch of perfection you possess,
That is the most beautiful part of you.

Alice Julia Miller Oct 2013

"What if I write it in Elvish?"

The marker
(Sharpiepermanentmarkertwintip)
In your hand
I pull back
"Don't"
Fearing the ink
(Hopfullynontoxic)
Staining my forehead like
Your gesture would like
To suggest.
"But what if I write in Elvish?"
And I
Surrender
My palm
And your breath smells
Like
Pumpkin
Chocolate
("Idon'treallylikechocolatechips,Alice")
And a sprinkling of
Love
("Ilikeyou"saidmyotherpalminpen,yourhandiwork)
After the
First letter
It was too obvious
The characters
Were not
Elvish
(Softsweetnearsilentgigglesissuedfromyourlips)
As you wrote words
You knew
Mean so much to me
Though they really are
So little

You're cute
And a tiny
Heart

And you had
No coat
In this cold
(InIdahoit'salways30degrees,I'mfine)
And I gave you
My biggest
Coat
And we went
To your door
And your lips
Met mine
In the best way.

Now
You have my jacket
And I want to
Tattoo your words
Into my palms
(You'recute<3Ilikeyou)
But then
In
Green
You sewed
"I like you <3"
God knows
Where
And you say
The jacket
Makes you feel loved
And he says
You are
Fa
Fall
Falling
In love
And I want
To believe
I can hope
For
A
Bit
Longer
Than
Infinity
(Ihopeyoudon'tmindmesleepinginit)
Like the way
You said with
Your hands
We should
Kiss.

Alice Julia Miller Oct 2013

Accident in Elvish

I sat with my ***
I had so carefully
Slab-rolled
And I decided it was
Too plain
So I used the Elvish you taught me
To etch
In
My
Name.

I didn't have
The sweetbeautiful
Calligraphic guide
You made
Just for me
So I wrote what I knew
Your name
The arches and lines and dots
Oh so familiar from
Countless notes in this
Fictional language
Your language of love.

I sent the words out into space
Asking how to make a 'v'
And after I asked
I realized
What I almost had written
In this triangular ***

My name
Your name
Love.

I felt
Just like a 4th grader
Doodling in the margins
Of her notebook the name of that
Elusive 6th grade crush
That darling so far away
I felt

Stupid.