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Jul 2015 · 1.2k
My tongue
A sweet silvery dagger's blade
The cool flat of it slipping over you like some archaic inhuman magic
Sometimes, however, it slips
The keening edge moves into the flesh of your soul
Like so many scalpels into mastectomy patients
And you bleed in ways
I never meant you to

I understand that the ache falls deep
That it's hard to forgive those who slash you
But hear me out
Because my arms are the deftest needles
That mend the human heart
From the inside out
They can do anything you need
But only you decide
If there will be
A scar
Nov 2014 · 482
Please don't ask me
What my favorite feature
In the sculpture of you
Because that's ******* nonsense.
I can't pick out one
Like the ripest berry on the bush.
You don't work that way.
I love the way it all works in harmony
The way that I know that nothing would look right on anyone else
But it looks like heaven-sent beauty on you
Your nose, your eyes, wrong on any other face
Are the face
That dreams are made of.
I don't love you for
One piece of the puzzle
I love you for the picture now that it's done
You are more than the sum of your parts
More so than any being has ever been.
You're the revelation of perspective
Of shading and shadows
In the art of my life
And I will not view a painting
In 2 inch squares,
May 2014 · 467
Milk it for all it's worth, little girl
It's not going to last
Love fleeting and slim and
Slight shall escape again
Like raindrops slipping down a windowpane
And his
Feels so warm and right
When you get so cold
In the heat
But he can't last
Love can't last in your life
You are small
The miracles that need to happen
Must take away blessings from others
That's what robs the smiles and
And contentment in its gentle way
Love,love, goodbye.
May 2014 · 547
Vague indistinct hatred
For nothing in particular I
My fangs are bared, hackles raised
Claws of nails of hands
Curved sharp
Nothing is safe
Nothing sacred
I want to bite, pounce, snarl, howl
Let me ****
Sate my bloodlust, let me be full
It's better than nails in flesh
Teeth in my wrist
I am tense muscle and wrathful energy
Let me destroy
Show you my Dance of Death
of Destruction
Demand and Desires
And let everything not be a thing
At all
May 2014 · 573
You look to your lives like they're the focus
You're the feature presentation in your world- the theater
The center ring of a circus, sanguine and self-assured
You're the protagonist. Those who oppose you? The villain
The potted plant on your desk applauds

The universe smirks.

In its haughty eyes
You mean less than the grit in the corner of your eyes when you wake
You're the boy sweeping up after the movie
The freak show near the back fence
A background character without a name while the story plows on
One orc at Helm's Deep, felled and forgotten
No jokes, looks, or bricks to build your character with, your voice echoes Alone

Don't even hope for one line out of pity
The author has no need of you
On the stage?
You're a prop.
Stop pretending like only you matter, maybe things will change
The world does not crane its neck
For a view of your hallowed life
God forbid
You find everyone as valuable as you see yourself
May 2014 · 993
Man nestles further in his falsehoods and fabrications
The subdued hues alluding to something...Lesser
Rough yet rigid, in pillars frigid and

Barely fitting, barely standing
Hardly loving, hardly meaning to go
Choked like an asthmatic child in the smog
We are the snow in a blizzard after the world prayed for sun
The wolf at the door with teeth gone dull
Don't worry of the time
You've plenty to mull
It over.

In the face of the storm we comprise
The sun to bright in our losing eyes
We must go.

Lest the scars of our past strangle us like a partridge for dinner
With loss there's no winner at all.
Meet my eyes even if you don't love me with your heart
Don't be
Feb 2014 · 481
Rested on the pavement
And though
I never saw it I know
The little chest heaved
As tiny pink lungs collapsed
Within the fur-covered chest

He wasn't
But a gasp
Jumped from my lungs
Like the air
Was struck from his
When the love of my life
Said his cat
Was dying

By weeks
"When we
Live together can we
Have a cat?"
A smile, shy, on my lips
And he said
"You think I'd leave Desmond here?"

He was going
To be
Cat instead of
His cat
There was going to be an
Though I know
He loves me
I can't help but feel
The cat
Have helped.
On years gone by
Already feeling too old
To be alive
I remember
When I was ten
I learned to lie
When my heart couldn't mend
What I was
Wasn't the way they wanted me to be
I twisted my everything
To find some lost ideal
I couldn't just be
A little girl in this world
My form had to transmute
Can't go back through the portal
Yay, tired poetry
Feb 2014 · 493
Want and Hungers
Love and lust
Are all tangled and complicated
In the pile of my clothes on the floor
We're twining our bodies in and out
Of the positions in which
Could make love to

It's not that there's people I want it with...There's people I DON'T, you're not on THAT list at least

The ache in my heart
Is equal to that
In my groin
I want you because
If you take me
It means you love me.

I'm waiting for a perfect night, Alice. That's when I want it.

And I know
You still love her
But GOD ******* **** IT
She's willing
To rip your heart out
Then tell me to clean up the mess.

I love you.

And that still feels good
After the
Aborted attempt
At seducing you
And my tears
You hold me
And remind me
Of a perfect night
When you first told me those words
And I can't help but feel
You want me to have
Feb 2014 · 516
English Class
Don't make me treat poetry
Like it's stagnant, static
Just chunks of stanzas
There is more to the greats
Of poetry
Than dissecting
What they left us.

When you're given
A pearl necklace
You don't cut open the pearls
To examine the layers
That lead to sand
You appreciate the
Facile beauty
And gently
The complicated structure

And no wonder they think that
Teachers make
Reading of intricatesweetlovely
A chore
A task
A question of right and wrong
Not of how you feel
It doesn't matter
What some textbook company wants me to think
Aren't being metaphorical all the time
We need to feel the poems
Jan 2014 · 2.4k
Mommy, Daddy
If only you knew
The way I think now
Under your own roof
I am not the child you raise
I am acceptance incarnate
The Racism you sowed
Bigotry you nurtured
That fell to the Scythe of Truth
And it will not return
For Consequences of Discrimination
Have burned the field and salted the Earth

How you'd hate
That I love others as myself
That I do not point out the mote in my neighbor's eye
I know that a plank rested in my own not so long ago
You would hate that I actually listened to the words of your Messiah
Yet somehow I don't believe
I am a child of this generation
Not a 50's throw-back, a servant to men
Like daddy wanted, it so enraged him when
We were all serving ourselves food but somehow
When he was meant to do the same
We did not heap a plate and bow to him, a humble offering for
The work he no longer does.

My children will be watched
In your presence because
They will not live in a world that loves racism,
or sexism.
Their world will
Be a better place than yours ever was.
Jan 2014 · 800
You asked
And it was given
You asked for trouble itself, and you asked for it by
Foolish animal, not even a girl, you
Had the world.
You had everything I wanted
You had
But you cast it aside
Which is why I suppose
Your petty God learned
Really learned
Not to cast pearls before swine.

Everyone at your school knows.
How do I know?
The rumors. They spread between SCHOOLS, girl, they know what you do.
Leaching off of boys you don't like and admit to your distaste
For food, presents, false love

You lacerated the heart
Of my lover and my love of YOU
With your falsehoods
Your random, fatal, pathetic snaps
At his weak, soft, sweet confidence
YOU hurt him
Worse than your ex ever hurt you
And my LOVER did not LIKE the HURT
Unlike YOU, or so you tell me.

I've washed my hands of you.
I am not angry at you, because you do not deserve that much of me
My anger is at the memory
Of my
Best Friend.
Jan 2014 · 665
Gentle Suffocation
Give me the warmth of your love

Let me drown in it.

Let it so overwhelm me that I can't think,
Can't breathe
Let your sweetness smother me
And drag me under
The surface
Of  your embrace

When you aren't wrapped around me
Legs twining, skin pressed,
Your head resting over my franticbird heart
And saying
"I can hear you heart beat; why does it pound like that?"
So I can say "It's a small animal thing"
And smile
When I can't have that
I breathe
Like it's 20 below
And the cold of it rips into my
Lungs and hurts and
Bleeds like nothing else.

The pool of your heart
Is deep
The waters warm and silky
Let me stay
Under the surface
Until I die and find
My Unending Forever
Dec 2013 · 370
Will I Ever
Be good enough?
Body and soul
There's not purity in me
And I want to be

I want to be the snow
Before it ever touches the ground
To be the thought
Of love
For the first time
In an innocent mind
I want to be what he needs
Even if I don't know what that is.

My flesh, on my back
It screams, begs for the blade
The pain
Puncture it like duck-skin
With a knife
A blade
Just give me the pain
But I can't.

I cannot
Give the blessed pain
To my own skin
Because I can't hide it.
That he makes
Regular checks of my
Palescarred body
As we lay amongst
Comforter and stuffedanimalmonkeysandhedgehogs
I can't hide the lines
On the expanse of my back or thighs
Because he caresses them
Thank God he thinks
I'm perfect.
Dec 2013 · 469
This painful
Are my assumptions correct
Of his actions
Oh God
If he did
What is
The world coming to and
Does it bother me?

He's not mine.
That's a fact and I
Can't complain but I felt like
I might
Void the
Contents of my stomach
Brilliant pain
Of food exiting the way it entered
Searing me

He is not mine
But if he had been
It could be okay
And I wouldn't
Night before 1 of my 2 days
Would be spent
In formal wear
With strangers
Be feeling the urge
To make crimson flower
From my hips, thighs, stomach.
Nov 2013 · 680
Want Ad
Between the ages of
Must enjoy
Washing dishes
And see it
As a form of reflection
Not a
Enjoys baking
But not dishes.
Food provided.
Cuddler preferred.
Inquire at her heart
With soft words
And gentle glances.
Nov 2013 · 703
Frail Miracle
Oh God
You have said
Those 3 words I so wanted to hear
And now I know
I can't live without them.

They've given me the confidence
To be myself
To maybe
Love myself
I don't know if you can see
The change in my stance
The smile in my eyes
And you make me feel
Like I could be
Nov 2013 · 817
Your First Kiss
How I wish
I could rend Time asunder
And take
That first sweet
Fruit of your lips
That kiss
You gave
To her.

I don't know her name
Why you liked
Or loved
But I know
Was worth a poem
And I
Have never been worth

Have nothing
To offer
In exchange
For that which you have to give
For your virginity
You still possess
And I
Have naught
To offer
My heart
Which rests
In the milky cage
Of ribs and flesh
I have so little to give
To the perfection
Which you

I'm broken
In the face of
And I want to be
Your slender
I want to be anything
Or everything
I can't stand the pain
Of anyone else
Catching your fancy
I can't stand
That she saw
The sacred beauty
Of your flushed cheeks
Oh God
I need you now
Like a seedling needs the kiss of the sun
Like a babe needs mother's caress
Just please hold me
And pretend
I'm all you could want.
Nov 2013 · 379
As You Ran Away
And so I stood
When the final
Words you uttered
Were so incongruous
With my
Perceived reality

Though my ears
Which hear the slightest squeak
Of the mice
In the kitchen
From my bedroom
May have deceived me
I believe
You said
"I love you, too"
As you ran.
Nov 2013 · 572
Vampire Boy
I hadn't realized
The aching emptiness
He left
In my Life
Until the knock came
On the Front

The comfort
Of him existing
Was enough
It was
So much
Because I
Didn't have to worry.

He's never needed
Me to hold him close
To make things okay
Though if he does
He knows
I am.
I will not
Deny him
And, in truth,
Hope the day comes
When he asks.

It doesn't hurt
That I can't
Him, I suppose
Though it can't be denied
I do remember
The softness
Those lips.

I need the comfort
Of knowing
He exists
More Often.
Sorry I forgot the tea.
And I know
That if I said the words
She did
That made you

You would shrug them off
From me
It doesn't matter
Nov 2013 · 231
Names of Love on Your Arms
It was
For the record
My idea.

I told you
To write the names
Of people
Who love you
On your arms

Of course
It bit me.

It's never my name
And you
Send me
To show
You do it
That it works
But it's
My toes
Are frozen
From the harsh
November chill
Cheeks flushed and
I had to hold back
In the darkness of the woods
Yellow beam of the
My lantern and
Faint clicking of
Dog's tags and
Leaf crunching
My guide.

Go the fallen leaves
And what if
I die out here
Or get
Huddling in the darkness
As the
Oh God
The sounds
And what if




A bobbing shadow on a tree trunk
No more, no less
It's the flashlight
Distorted images
I don't
But I know I need to get home
The stupid
With the injured
So hurt
He yelps
If you look at it
I don't know
That I
Can trust
Him out there
In that dark night
But I can't
Trust myself
Not to
Nov 2013 · 438
It is very EASILY possible
Do you think
It possible
Two people
At the same time?

This is what you asked
In the 4 miles of space
Between us not even
Connected by
And I feel you didn't even have time to
Before I blurted

I'm wondering
If that question
Means you're falling for me
The way your kisses always seem to say
And things are okay
But soon sadness of
Winter's past
Will descend on both of us
Mine of a love I lost
Yours of a love still lingering
But unwilling
And I may
And I will
Seek solace
And comfort
And love
In your arms.
Nov 2013 · 353
Here's to knowing
For you
I'd wear white
Nov 2013 · 570
Deeply, Softly, Hold Me
Every time I walk
Every time you walk
It hurts.

I want to draw you in close to me
Kiss your nose
Along your spine
Listen to the
Gasps of
I want to be the girl
In your bed
Every night

I would be
Full and rounded with
Your child someday
If you'd let me.
I'd like
The only time we part
To be
And knowing
No matter
How bad my day was I could
Into your arms
I could let go and trust you.

I would never
"I love you
I love you
Perhaps with
So much

No matter how much
I give
You are never asking too much
No pain is too great
For me to soothe
No tear too fat and solemn
That I could not kiss it away

I have given
Literally and entirely and it is NEVER
Too much to ask when you ask for my comfort
My love
And though she doesn't tell you
You are too much for her.
She doesn't want your love
But I pine for it
Long for it
My being aches for want of
Simple words in the soft tones
Of a lover

And please
Just take me
Because I have fallen
And you
Are the only one
Here to catch me
Nov 2013 · 513
So You're Agreeing To It?
Always on dates
Never dating
Is that my fate?

"Technically I'm yours on dates"
The *******
And you have yourself
A lovely thing to murmur into my hair
Though my brain
Will misconstrue
At all.

Just love me
I know you can.

I know you love HER
But even SHE
In the depths of her heart
Wants you to be with me
She wants you to be mine
She knows she can't

I hope
with all my heart
to love you
She said
When she told me
She is jealous of me
After I said
I envy
I realize
The bandanna fits still.

It fits around my waist like it always has
For nearly 4 years.

Unfortunately, your love
Probably won't fit the same anymore.

The size of my waist may not have changed
But the shape and needs of my heart have.

It's not that I don't want your love
It's that you'd probably have to add material to make it fit.
Nov 2013 · 563
I wish
I could kiss away your scars
That they'd slip up
Onto my lips
Slide away
Like insubstantial gossamer
And I could swallow them whole
And they'd never come back again

My scars
Are so long gone
Though nobody ever cared enough
To press their mouth to them
To drink them in like they wished
They'd disappear

I am so glad
To be the reason that
You don't mar your skin
To be the reason the
Perfectpale surface
Of your arm
Stays as pure as it can be
When spider-webbed
By the pain of your past

Though words cut deeper than knives
You still cut
So deep
And I want to be there
Every day
To love your tears into oblivion
So they never return

I tell you it's my job
When you try to thank me
But if it's work
Then I am living the dream
Because all I could ever want
Is to be a reason you smile.
If I didn't know better
I'd say you love me
For my baking
That you love me
Because I don't care
That you sorta wish
You could be a girl and that I
In fact
Enjoy the idea of you wearing girl's clothes

The idea that you are a nerd
A debate geek
And yet you find yourself
To see me.

You tell me
That being around me
Makes the need to open up your sweetpale
Skin go away
If only
For a few days

If I didn't know better
I'd say you love me
For the sparkle of my eyes
The dance of my laugh
The sleekness of my body pressed to yours
That you loved the way I hold you when
Anxieties tendrils try to pull you under
I'd think you love
My Mind
My Heart
My Soul
My Everything

But it's just the muffins...

Nov 2013 · 773
You are Me
The synchronicity
Of our lives
Overwhelms me some days

Our dead end
Of pain and
Emotional decay ending within
And she abused you
The same way he destroyed me
The same words
Stabbed our fragile
Doves of hearts
They made us need them
With the same

Sometimes you say things
Beyond what I feel I ever could have handled
When you cry to me
Ask me
If you're worthless
I think
That if I hadn't decided to be your anything
Your everything
I couldn't take it

I hold you close
My bare *******
Pressing you because
You need to not want to die and I'm the only one
To ever
Make the anxiety

"You're a potential mate
I need
Somebody smart."
Were I anyone else
I think I'd be offended
But we
That it's actually okay
And you make me
Nov 2013 · 384
My Legacy
I thought that
Just maybe
After we were done
You were going to finish it out
Finish high school like you should have
Even though you failed
In the long run
Never asking for help.

When we were still a cat and a horse
Against the infinite pain of the world
I offered all the help I could give
With an open paw
That you never
I'm the
You will ever love
Yet you wouldn't let me
Help you with your
Geometry homework.

I just wanted
To be happy and I
Ruined everything for everyone and maybe
You were all the better it was ever going to get and I'm
Never going to be with the him
Or anyone ever again
And I'm going to die

There's the strangest
To the way we are now
You are 2 letters short
Of saying the words
I want to hear.

We're a thing.
But admittedly
And as we sit
Curled sweetgently
On the sofa
I feel your lips
Your teeth
At my neck
Dancing on and off my skin
Twittering, fluttering
Like the way small birds mate
Intricate patterns
For instants of contact
And I want to kiss you
In exactly the way
I want to love you
Long, hard, with
Love permeating every
That will resurface
After passion is spent and
The radiating post-pleasure and closeness

We're not dating
But we're kissing
And you act
Like you could be my girlfriend
My coat keeping you warm
When you need it but then
You take it.
I think I wouldn't care
If you were really a woman
Because I am in love
With your soul,
Because, despite every stitch of perfection you possess,
That is the most beautiful part of you.
The marker
In your hand
I pull back
Fearing the ink
Staining my forehead like
Your gesture would like
To suggest.
"But what if I write in Elvish?"
And I
My palm
And your breath smells
And a sprinkling of
After the
First letter
It was too obvious
The characters
Were not
As you wrote words
You knew
Mean so much to me
Though they really are
So little

You're cute
And a tiny

And you had
No coat
In this cold
And I gave you
My biggest
And we went
To your door
And your lips
Met mine
In the best way.

You have my jacket
And I want to
Tattoo your words
Into my palms
But then
You sewed
"I like you <3"
God knows
And you say
The jacket
Makes you feel loved
And he says
You are
In love
And I want
To believe
I can hope
Lik­e the way
You said with
Your hands
We should
Oct 2013 · 1.0k
Accident in Elvish
I sat with my ***
I had so carefully
And I decided it was
Too plain
So I used the Elvish you taught me
To etch

I didn't have
The sweetbeautiful
Calligraphic guide
You made
Just for me
So I wrote what I knew
Your name
The arches and lines and dots
Oh so familiar from
Countless notes in this
Fictional language
Your language of love.

I sent the words out into space
Asking how to make a 'v'
And after I asked
I realized
What I almost had written
In this triangular ***

My name
Your name

I felt
Just like a 4th grader
Doodling in the margins
Of her notebook the name of that
Elusive 6th grade crush
That darling so far away
I felt

Oct 2013 · 764
Chances Are
No matter
You say GOD knows
I will never
Be good enough.

No matter how
I try
No matter how I
Give you my soul
I'm not
Even on the list
I've no chance
No choice
No hope.

As usual.

I wish I could trust
The words
You say
Deep into the night
When you give me
The bittersweet
Chocolate chips
Of your soul.

I drink in your heart
With reckless abandon
I consume your affection
Like I eat
On the days
When I can.

The hysteria
Of you destroying yourself
From within
Drives me MAD
But at least
You keep your promises
And maybe someday
I'll be the name on your wrist
That stops you.
I didn't think
I could make you smile last night.
You made me guilty
For what I did well
Even though you were the one who made me do it.

You told me the ways
In your family
Was broken.
And all the ways
You were
That I already

Your father
Was wondering if you had EVER
Been on a date
And when you said yes
He doubted it had been with a girl.
I now have his fleeting approval
Until he finds out
I don't believe
In Joseph Smith's words.

You told me you own a mountain
Or 6% of one, but
That's enough of a mountain for me.
You said we could have our very own castle
And stable
And I asked why you were so sure
It'd be me but
I didn't want an answer.
I was just glad to know
I was your princess.

You moaned my name
Through the vastness
Of the space between us
You were
A whole state away
Longing for my kiss
My touch
And I loved that I could tell you
Between gasps
Exactly what I wanted.
I could tell you
Of all the ways
I love you.
Oct 2013 · 943
1st place
The first time I've won a
In my entire life

And you weren't there.

I was so excited
My body
I never expected to one anything
At all
When I told you I got
"Good job :)"

You encourage me to do this
Anything you could do
To make me join you in it
And then
I got
But not
Your joy
Oct 2013 · 414
I hate living the moments
Where even I realize I'm too sad
And I try to remind myself
Of things that make me smile
Things that make my heart flutter
And that make me okay.

Moods like this make it so
Those flickerfluttering moments
Can't last
Even when it's his lips
On my cheek
Even when
I have
Lord knows I'm obsessed
When it feels like
A dream of us just talking, laughing, and embracing
Is illicit
Bordering ******
Doing what I do so often
Is like a *******.

At least it's a fantasy you'll fulfill for me.

How obvious is it
That I'd love the ***?
But you should know that I
Love you
Because I would never try to
You give it.

But I want it.

Right now, I don't need it.
I need the
And the resoundingly royal title
That word that means I don't have to be so scared
That you'll find someone else.
Something to give me a handful,
If nothing else,
Of the Sand
In your
Oct 2013 · 1.6k
I want to be weightless
To curl my legs in not-quite-all-the-way
And close my eyes
And be serene and quiet
And maybe sense
Warmth of the one I love
So close, perhaps even brushing against
My skin and hearing that
Breathing and
Oct 2013 · 1.1k
Incorrect Reflections
"Are you two sisters?"
The thought of me ever enjoying those words
Makes me shudder.

We have eyes of the same color
And when you didn't dye
Your hair
We looked so alike
And with our gazelle-like third
We made a trio
I the shortest, as always.
"More bars in more places"
Much laughter ensuing.

"i never would have let him kiss me if i had known!"
That's exactly how you said it.
But you lied, because
You took him in ways I fantasized about
Thank God he wouldn't let you
Slip your little fingers around
His virginity
And rip it from him
Like you rip the beauty
From my heart.

You couldn't believe how he had used you.
I couldn't believe how you lied.
That's when the ending began,
Because I could forgive him
But not you
And you never forgive anyone at all.

You play the martyr.
You were used, abused, thrown away
Disregard the fact I hid my love for him away for 2 years
And you said his face gave you nightmares.
Obviously he's in the wrong
For being a stupid boy who wanted to keep us happy.
You never did a thing

You made me feel like nothing was good enough
Your ******* were now D cups
How tragic
That your ***** were getting so big
When I felt like mine didn't exist.
Every good feature you had you made nothing
And I always was the smart one,
So that must have made you

I know I'm self-centered
But at least I try to be subtle.

I wanted your family
They loved me
I never knew what that was like
To have little ones that
Love me.
"Alice is our favorite big sister!"
They chorused every time.
I want your family still,
But I will not stand you.
Oct 2013 · 673
The Ribbon
"I'm not going to place"
I said
The literal instant
They called my name.

1st place is the blue ribbon
That's well known
But 5th is
But you would have me think
It was perfect.
You would have me think
I'm perfect
And I don't know why.

You held me on your lap
And complimented me
And when I said those
As I do for you because I mean them
You said them back.
I don't know
If I should trust you.
My fingers curve sharply, wanting
To claw at my arms
To strike your pretty face
Then kiss you so hard our teeth collide and I
WANT my love to hurt you
I want there to be startling violence in my affection because
I can't stand to not care about you
Even if I can't stand the way you act.
Oct 2013 · 1.1k
Eat Me, Drink Me, Love Me
I want you to take me in
In that softsweet way of a lover
                                                                     I love your skin like I love the infinity of beauty of the world
You're a treasure to me and you do what
So few can, you make me SMILE
What more could I ever want and yet
You can't let Her go.
I know she was your forever but
You saw me.
                                                                                                                                                  Forever can end.
My forever is gone
Betrayed by a kiss I didn't even receive
And jealousy
And I had it so much better than you do now.
I ache for missing what I no longer love
And She isn't even yours.
                                                                            Don't ever let somebody who doesn't love you hurt you.
Oct 2013 · 445
Be careful
With your words, little one
Anyone might say
You love me.
And you
Know they already
Have. They say you never
close your mouth about me but I just wish
You didn't close your heart.
Oct 2013 · 806
Reaching Hand, Open Heart
I sincerely hope
That you understand that I
Love you.
I love you in a constant way, not a sometimes
Maybe it's romantic even if you won't let it be
But I love you.

And sometimes when you hurt you accept
That love
Like a salve on your open wounds
Slashes from people who say
Those same 3 words I do
But who are not constant.

Those people have good days
Bad days
Treating you accordingly
I have awful days
And worse days
And I love you with all of my soul.

I'd drop everything
I have dropped everything
To hold you to me
The half naked warmth and confusion
Of your panic attack
Preceded by kisses on your bed.
I was *******
As you were and you cried into me
And I stared at the paint splatter of freckles
On your strong, broad shoulder
And I said it was okay
And it was.

You tell me the anxiety comes in the mornings
How can I not want to be there?
If you have to wake up in panic
I want there to be a
Warmsympathetic form
In that bed with you to drink in your sorrow and
Kiss into you the joy of the world
Even if
That isn't
Oct 2013 · 1.3k
One Meal
I wonder
Is it possible to be
An Accidental Anorexic?

I eat one meal a day, typically speaking
Not for lack of hunger
Or food
Sometimes I eat myself into nausea
Without meaning to,
Devouring like a black hole
Then regretting it.
The hunger is not sated, but nausea rises
Am I breaking
What if I
What if

Today I had dinner.
Yesterday I had lunch.
I don't hunger until 10 in the morning and
By then it's much too late most days
I wait for lunch
But it's like they don't try to make it food.
A deliberate insult to the gnawing pain,
Mocking my inability to stomach it
I can hear my mother
"You're not really hungry if you won't eat it"
But I am

I'm so tiny.
I've experimented
Eating nothing
Eating so much
The little needle doesn't care. It's the same.

I want to be able to change a part of me
Which is apparently a sign
That you're suicidal
That desire for control over some aspect of your life.
I won't cut my hair
So is it food?
Is that my control?
Am I
Accidentally Suicidal
Oct 2013 · 795
I sit back
And my heart is warm
Like the heater in his car.
And I cannot, though it feels so good
I cannot stand it.

If I could pick my infinity
Any moment to live forever
Moments from today would be high on the list
Because nothing turned it bitter
I would most prefer
The last hour in the almost-dark

A moment from that would be beautiful
The soft reek of dog food and dogs themselves
Watching him work with the broad head
Of a Lab under my hand
Would be wonderful.

But I know what I want most.

I want the infinity of those kisses.
His lips softer than I thought
They always are, somehow
His warmth and his
I want that to be for me.
And I know I can't have it, I know
He cannot

But this was by mutual agreement.
I signed myself over to confusion
As did he, but
I can't
Help but feel
That I long for

I sit
Lean and trembling
And I want any part of my day with him
To be forever.

I love the sweetness of the coffee
Though it was too much
Because of the smile
In his eyes
I love his understanding
Of so much
My wants and my feelings
And I know
I will not find this elsewhere
But it's like
I promised
Not to give my heart and I know
If I did he would not take it.

Though he will hold me, and kiss me and
Is enough.
Oct 2013 · 841
Were the friend I thought I had
After 4 years I expected some loyalty
How foolish I was

Pick him over me
And tell me you enjoy the abuse
Being treated like an object
Good luck with that

Are the thumbtack hiding
In a box full of rose petals, waiting
Just to make me bleed, and to stain
Something sweet
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