No matter
What
You say GOD knows
I will never
Be good enough.

No matter how
I try
No matter how I
Give you my soul
I'm not
Even on the list
I've no chance
No choice
No hope.

As usual.

I wish I could trust
The words
You say
Deep into the night
When you give me
The bittersweet
Chocolate chips
Of your soul.

I drink in your heart
With reckless abandon
I consume your affection
Like I eat
On the days
When I can.

The hysteria
Of you destroying yourself
From within
Drives me MAD
But at least
You keep your promises
And maybe someday
I'll be the name on your wrist
That stops you.

I didn't think
I could make you smile last night.
You made me guilty
For what I did well
Even though you were the one who made me do it.

You told me the ways
Everyone
In your family
Was broken.
And all the ways
You were
That I already
Knew.

Your father
Was wondering if you had EVER
Been on a date
And when you said yes
He doubted it had been with a girl.
I now have his fleeting approval
Until he finds out
I don't believe
In Joseph Smith's words.

You told me you own a mountain
Or 6% of one, but
Hell.
That's enough of a mountain for me.
You said we could have our very own castle
And stable
And I asked why you were so sure
It'd be me but
I didn't want an answer.
I was just glad to know
That
Maybe
I was your princess.

You moaned my name
Through the vastness
Of the space between us
You were
A whole state away
Longing for my kiss
My touch
And I loved that I could tell you
Between gasps
Exactly what I wanted.
I could tell you
Of all the ways
I love you.

1st place
Legitimate
The first time I've won a
Trophy
In my entire life

And you weren't there.

I was so excited
My body
SHOOK!
I never expected to one anything
At all
And
When I told you I got
"Good job :)"

You encourage me to do this
Begged
Pleaded
Anything you could do
To make me join you in it
And then
I got
Everything
But not
Your joy

Lord knows I'm obsessed
When it feels like
A dream of us just talking, laughing, and embracing
Is illicit
Bordering ******
Doing what I do so often
Is like a *******.

At least it's a fantasy you'll fulfill for me.

How obvious is it
That I'd love the ***?
But you should know that I
Love you
Because I would never try to
MAKE
You give it.

But I want it.

Right now, I don't need it.
I need the
"3
Little
Words"
And the resoundingly royal title
Girlfriend,
That word that means I don't have to be so scared
That you'll find someone else.
Something to give me a handful,
If nothing else,
Of the Sand
In your
Hourglass.

"Are you two sisters?"
The thought of me ever enjoying those words
Makes me shudder.

We have eyes of the same color
And when you didn't dye
Your hair
We looked so alike
And with our gazelle-like third
We made a trio
I the shortest, as always.
"More bars in more places"
Much laughter ensuing.

"i never would have let him kiss me if i had known!"
That's exactly how you said it.
But you lied, because
More
Happened.
You took him in ways I fantasized about
Thank God he wouldn't let you
Slip your little fingers around
His virginity
And rip it from him
Like you rip the beauty
From my heart.

You couldn't believe how he had used you.
I couldn't believe how you lied.
That's when the ending began,
Because I could forgive him
But not you
And you never forgive anyone at all.

You play the martyr.
You were used, abused, thrown away
Disregard the fact I hid my love for him away for 2 years
And you said his face gave you nightmares.
Obviously he's in the wrong
For being a stupid boy who wanted to keep us happy.
You never did a thing
Except
Create
Every
Problem.

You made me feel like nothing was good enough
Complaining
Your ******* were now D cups
How tragic
That your ***** were getting so big
When I felt like mine didn't exist.
Every good feature you had you made nothing
And I always was the smart one,
So that must have made you
Prettier.

I know I'm self-centered
But at least I try to be subtle.

I wanted your family
They loved me
I never knew what that was like
To have little ones that
Love me.
"Alice is our favorite big sister!"
They chorused every time.
I want your family still,
But I will not stand you.