So early, it is
That the sun has not stretched and risen over the mountainside
Only streetlamps cast yellowed light
Glinting off the slickwet pavement
After a night of soothing, chilling rain.

The rain lulls me
Like the song of a mother much unlike my own
Who croons to a child not because they fuss
But because she wishes to soothe them further
Into the sweetsoft pillow of sleep.

My fingers are chilled
And I long to lay naked in the warmth of
The electric coils buried in the soft blanket
That murmur words of sleep
And unending warmth.

But I rise, sadly
Don corduroy and a sweater older than I am
As well as slipping on the regret and the guilt
For actions done and undone
Of yesterday.

If I could choose
I would lay infinitely in the land of full warmth
And self-love and no regrets
Perhaps with someone by my side
On endless autumn mornings after rain.

There are already things
I can't quite remember
Like what books I made him read
If he still has them
Or if he never took them at all.

I can't quite recall
The color of his eyes
On the day we celebrated
6 months
Or a year
I cannot remember, and it aches within me
Because I want to.

It may be over.
I may not ever embrace him again,
Like so many others
He may be lost to me but I
Want to remember
The color of those bluegraygreen eyes
The way they were every day
Of the best relationship
Of my life.