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They leer from the edges,
Teeth brushes never touched,
And they all chant the same words.

"Come with me, I have what you want."
"Follow to my stall, I know what you need."
"It's here, what you desire, I promise,you can buy it cheap."

And I wonder.
What if they really do?
What if somehow they have what I need?

Is Love a trinket you can sell on a scarred table?
Is Acceptance a spice that drifts up in the air and makes you snuffle-sneeze?
Can one really purchase Bravery in piles on blankets like you would oranges?

If I could do that, buy those things
With a handful of American money and a little haggling
I don't think I'd want them anymore.
Down the Hill
        With leaps and bounds and thumpingly great
                  Enthusiasm for existence itself and the grandiose beauty of the world
                          He runs, knowing not to ever stop because that's when the people come and
                                   Snap on your leash.
So he gallops forth into
         The vast expanse of the neighborhood without
                  Caring that the people will be mad. He snorts and sniffs his
                          Hound-dog nose and howls at all the Love and Injustice in the universe
                                    All at once.
Logic is not the strong suit
        Of dogs, which is fortunate for him because
                 Knowing brings pain and responsibility and who would not
                          Rather be a dog in a fall afternoon chasing nothing save destiny and joy
                                    Until the end?
I hold my favorite teacup
The one that not so long ago
Yet so long ago
He drank from.
I gave it to him because
I could trust him with my life
And that's how much trust
One needs
From me
To drink from it's gold-rimmed
Porcelain beauty.

"This is good."
Were his words
As he sipped
The sweetspicy chai
While I did the same from a mug
I did not hold quite so fondly.
He understood
At least
A bit
How important it was
That he held the cup.

I'd prefer that this
Could happen again
That I could make more
Chai
And we could sit at the
Blackwhite table and
Smile and laugh because
That would be good.
Better than to
Never see that smile again
And better than
Holding back from what I feel
Even if that doesn't last.

This morning I sip my coffee
From my favorite teacup
And I know that I
Will not deny
Myself
Any measure of love,
No matter how fleeting
I will not say no
Should he give me his cup.
Meanwhile
In a land of simple pleasures
And fulfilled dreams
A child sings like the world is perfect
Not knowing that someday
Pleasure will be harder to come by
Dreams harder to achieve

The song is not much
No rhyme or rhythm
But these things do not matter
To a child.
Perfection
Does not matter
In a place where everyone loves you.
The goose is a curious animal.
It does not trust me, even now, after months of trying.
Months of holding a trembling gosling who nuzzled me.
It now has not trust for me, even though nobody,not one person, has ever harmed it.
It tilts it's silly head and stares at me and tries to figure if I'll try to catch it.
I thought, foolishly, there was love in this beast.
But a goose is not a boy.
It doesn't care if it upsets you.
Doesn't care if you just want someone or something warm near you for comfort.
Which makes it much better off, in the long run, than a boy.
I can force a boy to care.
I hate to hate
The one I love
When that very love
Keeps others away.
It makes him
Hesitate to draw
Near and to make
me delight in the
Comfort of a tiny
Gesture and the
Warmth of a
Touch or a Kiss
And I wish I
Could change
My everything
To just feel like
Something at all
Was good.
Today
Was nearly perfect
Being close to another person and just breathing in who they are and smiling
I like days like this.
But Desperation
Reared
It's ugly
Head.
The piper must always be paid at the end
Of good
Days.
I wanted it to last forever.
Maybe feel
The curve I noticed
To those lips I saw and I
Liked the way he laughed
When he didn't hold back and I smiled
To see him smile
And I can't deny that smile a word or a thing and I don't know that it's
Safe
To feel
This way.
I want to know things will work out
But they
Can't.

— The End —