When i think of you
I want to hurt you.
Kicking myself for not taking advantage of the opportunities
With past lovers hell even strangers
All in the effort to be perfect
The perfect girlfriend and "wife"
For a crook now facing life
Blinded in love
I couldn't see or maybe i wouldn't see
You for who you truly are
Unstable and illogical at your core
A ******, i know, i think you're not
But the man for me
Unfortunately, you'll never be
So disappointed in my contentment with denial
A marriage announcement
I'm too embarrassed to cancel
Earnest attempts to start a family
Breaking my heart every month
You've increased my pain exponentially
And in a display of complete lunacy
You have the audacity to make demands of me
And use my past against me
Well guess what, I'm no longer blinded
In retrospect, all you had to offer
Was *** and companionship
As if *** is everything
Well it is something
Just not enough
And i refuse to carry baggage
For you who refuses to admit
To me or better yet, yourself
That not only are you
Not a man, but
Not one who deserves me

Feeling you enter the depths of me
Bringing a crescendo of euphoric vibes
In the midst of my high
I see you so much clearer
as if the mist magnifies
Allowing me to focus on the beauty of you of i and us
The symmetry we create
Bodies dancing in the glimmer of light
A rhythmic frenzy
Captured by the shadows
Like a picture show
In and out of silence
Constantly in the throes of passion
your eyes capture mine
And i cant look away
caught in a ophthalmic conversation
Telling me everything your mouth cant articulate
My fingers possessed
Grabbing at all of you
With each twist dip plunge
Reaching for your face, pulling your neck closer to me
My lips begging for a kiss
Scratching your arms and back as you delve into me
With each stroke my pleasure leaks out
Adding to the puddle already trapped between us
The way you make me lose control
Is insurmountable
So caught in ecstasy
The last ****** barely completed before the next began
I lose my breathe for minutes at a time
But you never stop making me climb
And soar to new heights of ecstasy
Trying to keep my head
Can be an effort in futility
While you do these things to me

the first time i realized
i smiled
then ten seconds later
I cringed
wondering how did I end up here? again
or does again apply
when before it was blind and misguided
this time my path has been navigated
tested tried and true this pathis in no way reminiscent of the past
although comparisons are wrong, there are no similarities to be found here
as if like clockwork you prove that
each one before was wrong

I must say I would love to thank them
for they were the catalysts of the "do not" list
and without them I wouldn't have taken
the chance, to "do" you
I even wonder sometimes if I bit off more than I can chew
because with you
I finally have what I asked for
which scares me more?
sometimes wondering if I measure up
to my own expectations
a challenge worth my time
for a love with no limits.

I gave you my heart

you gave me a fabrication of yours

I gave you my body

you strummed it like B.B. does Lucille

I gave you my trust

and you made a fool of me

I gave you me

you gave me games, manipulation and control



Seeing all this at my front door

i chose to close it

after i let you in

when everyone else chose

to walk around a black hole

I chose to jump in.



Once all my fruit spoiled

I recognized the parasite

in my midst was you

like an Indian giver

I took my gifts back

and i beseeched you to leave

with a facade of hate



Impersonating the reaper

you created a nightmare

your greediness was your downfall

you tried to take it all back and

were trying to take my soul

forcing me into battle with you



Now, though I will triumph in the battle

I struggle to piece together

my heart, my body and me

like before without battle scars

to prove you ever

existed to me

I was thinking of you last night
your picture was vivid in my mind
toned body laying on me
hips grinding powerfully into mine
your lips, lovingly soft against mine
your strong thighs spreading mine
your deep voice in my ear
a harmony so sweet
your teeth bitin into
my succulent breast
by the way- you left a mark
the way your nails dug into my soft ***
how you stretched my walls
and your constant throbbing
reset the beat of my heart
the unision of your tongue
darting in my mouth and your last ******
the euphoria that spread
through my body
as you coated my walls
it was real until
I opened my eyes
and didn't have yours
to look into

I need you to want me
like I want you
to dig your nails into
my derriere as you
pull me closer to you
****** into me like you own me
oh how I love being submissive to you
this lust has me in a whirlwind
make me melt how you treat my neck
like an oyster, *******, licking, nibbling, biting
biting my lip making my head spin
the way your mouth is on my mountain peaks
is extreme pleasure bordering on pain
you don’t have to touch me
feeling your hot breath on the mouth to my river
makes me twitch and throb
at the thought of your moist tongue
running up and down me
you must want me to beg you ‘cause
I know you want me.

I feel so outside of myself
this isn't me
I don't care if you don't call
I don't care if you don't come by
nothing you do phases me
I'm a Scorpio
you cant know me
but you do, somewhat
this drives me crazy
The vulernability
The uneasiness I feel with it
Why must you do this do to me?
Why did I let you?
I need control but I don't have it
Because of you
and what I feel
feeling so good
I know what I feel is real
But my mind doesn't see it.
(c) ANBP 3/24/2011