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Jan 2018 · 317
Be a Better Girl
Alex m Jan 2018
Be more of a girl, what does that mean?
If I feel pretty in my oversized clothes what must I change?
In order to fit into this world must I also fix your simplistic aesthetic?
I am not good enough to please you and cause you to question my sexuality
When in fact there is nothing for you to approve
No check list for you to look at making me the "proper lady"
That is not your choice to make, but mine
And if you can't accept that then I don't need you
Your negativity is unwanted in this already pessimistic world
There is only one of me and I will not be controlled by your "ideals"
Instead I shape my own because if I don't feel comfortable in my own skin while fitting into your cookie cutter image
Then what is the point in living at all?
Dec 2017 · 758
Lost But Never Forgotten
Alex m Dec 2017
Today someone important to many was lost
Behind his bright smile was something started cracking inside
Being unable to see it others were unable to take note of it
He suffered on is own and the cracks formed into large breaks in his heart
When no one knew he was hurting the most
That once bright smile has now turned into a cold straight line
The smile that he left in our hearts will never be forgotten
It is not his fault for he fought his hardest
Someone that I have looked up to for many years just as others have died today. He was 27 and always seen as a bright person, but suffered from extreme depression. This hurts my heart to no end and thinking about it more has caused more pain in my heart. He will be greatly missed
Dec 2017 · 265
What Did I Do?
Alex m Dec 2017
Being different has changed recently
Some see it as something positive but I can’t get the pain out of my heart
All of those year being looked down on and hurt
I was short so they tried to break my bones
I was considered “cute” so they cut my hair and made me black and blue
If they knew that I had become broken they would win
But I couldn’t do it and had to leave
Leaving that place didn’t help because they came after me
Holding me down and pelting me with rocks
“Why don’t you scream ****”
What did I do to deserve that?
I tried to be nice, stay to myself, and work hard
Why did they have to hate me so much for it?
Oct 2017 · 217
Fear
Alex m Oct 2017
When anyone asks me what I fear I normally say clowns or blood tests
Both of which are true but they are neither one of them is my biggest fear
What I fear the most in the world is being left along
The reason for this is because when no one is there I feel that I am not here
I don’t want to disappear or not be remembered
When I don’t make a sound, I feel this emptiness
Every time I stay don’t make a noise I feel more and more people looking through me
Instead of at me
People say I am imagining it and I would like to think that is true
But it is hard
I am the one in the group that it wouldn’t matter if I was not there
When I say something, it is looked over without a thought
I am scared that it will always be like this
But then I wonder if it would matter if I disappeared
No one notices me anyway so what difference would it make
I am invisible whether I say something or not
When I do not text they don’t text me
They don’t care about my presence
Maybe it is just better to stay silent
I can be forgotten and not bother others
Oct 2015 · 372
Turn Back
Alex m Oct 2015
Right now everything hurts and thats ok
I can take it I've had much worse before
This pain I feel might never go away
But it's worth it for the joy I once had
I remember those days full of laughter
Those days that I though nothing could go wrong
I wish I could turn back the clock
But now I am here in the dark
This place that I can't get away from
Why did you have to get up and leave my life
How is that fair to me
I wanted you to stay and never leave my sight
But of course you couldn't hold on for me
You had to end it and make it so that no one could reach you
And now there's no turning back for you
Now I am just left alone to stand in the dark again
After being in your light for so long the darkness is so cold
Now I am just left to write down my memorize until I fade away too
Sep 2015 · 296
Scared
Alex m Sep 2015
For the days that I have been alone I am scared
Scared that I will always be alone
Is there a reason that it is this way
Have I done something to deserve this
Does it not matter that I have tears streaming down my face
The only ones that are ever noticed are the ones with the smiles and bright eyes
I guess I have found what I need to do
I need to cast away the self I know and put on a mask and costume
This mask and costume are the shields that protect me
Keep me safe inside the walls I have created
I continually push people away even though they wish to be close, or at least that's what they say
Those people that say they are there for you but then leave in a split second and try to consume you
They make you feel not good enough to be here and this can cause one to think
Maybe I am not
If it weren't for me everything would be fine and everyone would be happy
This is scary to think about but what if what I have found is  true
*They don't want me
Apr 2015 · 332
You
Alex m Apr 2015
You
Through all of the tears I have cried I still see you
You are always standing there with your bright smile right in front of me
I wish that I could see that smile forever but I fear I am not strong enough
My heart hurts and I am beginning to slip
I wish I could tell you...
Hold onto you...
But instead I will dry my tears and paint my smile back on
I will stay in the darkness while you continue to be the sun
Apr 2015 · 377
Sinking
Alex m Apr 2015
The tears that fall down my face seem to be washed away by the waves
But no one notices
The color has disappeared from my eyes
What shall I do in a world so dark
The once bright world ripped right out from under me
For what?
Because someone forgot that there was still someone else left
Still someone else wading in the now still water
I can now say that it is quiet
I guess that this is what they call peace
I guess this is what I have been waiting for
Apr 2015 · 339
Lost
Alex m Apr 2015
Why does everyone expect me to fall and crumble
They say I know I am not perfect but don't expect me to break
I am stronger then I look
What you see is a small and fragile girl that is lost
You think I can't save myself
And now I have reason to believe that you are right
Feb 2015 · 634
Left
Alex m Feb 2015
With all the things in the world why have I been left alone
Am i not good enough for anyone to actually notice me
What have I lost that everyone still has
I know that I have lost people but I swear there is more to me
Don't leave me behind with no one around
Please I just want to be remembered after I leave
Feb 2015 · 377
Chains
Alex m Feb 2015
The chains I feel burdened by keep pulling me down
They are invisible so others cannot see them but I do
I always do
They way upon my heart and my mind
I want to break them but they are to strong
What can I do if not just sit here and wait to be rescued
Dec 2014 · 358
bleeding and scared
Alex m Dec 2014
Why does everyone expect something from me?
Is there a void that I am supposed to be filling?
Am I not doing something correctly?
Why am I so worried about what the people around me think?
Ah, I remember now, it is because I can't show them my pain
If I do they will say that there is something wrong with me
I don't want to be told that I am broken
So, every time they as me "Are you ok?" I will respond with a smile saying "Of course I am fine."
I will not make anything difficult for the ones around me no matter what
It doesn't matter to me if I have to loose myself in the proses
My bleeding and scared heart will be covered with armor for no one to look in and see the damage that has been done
I will stand on my own and take the pain
I can do it I know I will be able to hold on
But for how long is the true question
Dec 2014 · 280
Smile
Alex m Dec 2014
They say I have changed that I need to smile more
I used to smile everyday without care of what others say
But now I must work to show a smile
I must push myself so that people stop asking  and telling me the things that hurt me the most
"Are you ok?" "You look depressed" "You make others happy"
When is it someones turn to make me happy?
Why must I work so hard for people that do not acknowledge my pain
The answer is because they can't
The smile has permanently left my face and a new one is drawn over it
My tears have been washed away just so they can be replaced with more
So I will be here making others smile just as I always have
But I wonder if they will truly miss me when I am gone?
Dec 2014 · 259
People
Alex m Dec 2014
As people go through life they chance little by little
There is no point in trying to stay the same person for the rest of your life
You change because you see new things and experience new things
It is a good thing to change because that means that you are growing
If you were one that did not change then there would be nothing new or exciting in your life
Life is meant to be and adventure and if you do not change anything there is no way to have an adventure
Remember that you are amazing and that no one can tell you any different
You are special and you are loved
There are people that are there for you and waiting with open arms if you need them
Oct 2014 · 383
My Iron Face
Alex m Oct 2014
The mask I put on will not be broken
My smile will stand in front of my quivering lips
My bright eyes will stand in front of the tears running down my face
My open heart will stand in front of the armor that is covering it
I will laugh with others while I cry by myself later
I will stand with all of the confidence of a young women should while I fall by myself
If these people truly are my friends why must I put on a mask
Why can I not tell them things that are painful to me
Would they accept me if I told them
Alex m Oct 2014
Why have I felt so much pain
Why does everyone continue to leave me
I tell them I am there for them and that I love them yet I continue to lose them
What have I done wrong
Why do they not love me enough to stay
I feel as though I am being beckoned to find a happier life among the dead
But how can I do that to the people around me
I say I love them but how can I go and leave them then
I must choose what is the most important thing to me
The people around me or the release of my pain

I have chosen to stand tall and smile as I break inside
I must say it will be alright and I am here for you
I will be the strong one and shoulder your pain
What would you choose
Oct 2014 · 314
Happiness
Alex m Oct 2014
When you can stand I want you to fly
When you can whisper I want you to scream
When you can smile I want you to laugh
If there is something that you can be happy about be happy
Because if you don't smile when the great things happen how will you act when the bad things happen
You will brake and crumble with no where to turn
You  will cry by yourself
Therefore when you are happy be the happiest you can be because you never know when that will happen again
Oct 2014 · 335
Perfection
Alex m Oct 2014
Why do we try so hard for a society that won't except us as we are
Why are we unable to love the people that we are now and are forced to strive for and unrealistic picture of ourselves
We have been taught wether it be on purpose or not, that we are not good enough
We must act like the people around us and fit in
We must be the best at everything and if we are not we are not good enough
Does anyone understand, truly understand the pain that we put each other through
I wish we could so everyone could be set free from the mold we are supposed to fit in
What we have to remember is that the only person we have to be better than is the person that we were yesterday
Oct 2014 · 215
Hidden
Alex m Oct 2014
Why do we always feel that we have to change
When life gets hard we always tell ourselves to stay strong don't cry
But sometimes crying is the only thing you can do
And when people ask you if you're ok you say I am fine with tears in your eyes
Not wanting anyone to know that you are hurting so much
Oct 2014 · 221
The Pain
Alex m Oct 2014
You call me just like you always have but this time is different
You say I am sorry and this in when I start running, don't you dare this is not fair
You say you will miss me, then you should stay
You tell me that we will see each other again
What are you doing why are you doing this to me
I am at your door and your brother opens the door
I run to your room to find your cold eyes looking at me
I scream and run to you
What have you done
I hold you tight in my arms sobbing while my mind rushes
you are gone
Why would you leave me alone
By doing this you have hurt both of us
Why must I live without you now
Oct 2014 · 222
Falling
Alex m Oct 2014
People always say that after the rain there is the sun
So now I am waiting, waiting for the sun to finally come out
I continue to wait but don't know how much longer I can go on like this
I feel as though I am being strangled by invisible hands and the longer I wait the tighter they get
Asking if I am ok, trying to save me with words of kindness
I am to far gone, but I am to scared to tell anyone
I tell myself I am not broken and I don't need to be fixed but the more I say this the more fear is put in my heart
Sep 2014 · 253
Life
Alex m Sep 2014
In life everyone is lost and trying hard to find their own way
We are waiting for someone we love to pull us out and save us
The opportunity of someone coming to you doesn't just happen
Instead of sitting still and waiting we must push ahead and live
When you feel lost it is ok you will be found just hold on and keep moving in the mean time
I will be there waiting for you with open arms ready to imbrace you who is moving on their own
We all struggle but that also mean that we are there when you need us
Sep 2014 · 218
Living
Alex m Sep 2014
Throughout the days we wonder mindlessly wondering if anything is ever going to change
If anything is going to change it will have to be by your hand
Don't just sit there and do nothing when there is so much you can do
Believe that you can do it and it shall happen
There are twists and turns down the road but if we never take them we will never know what type of life we could've had
So now it is time to stand up a dry the tears that are streaming down your face
Go forward and not look at the falts of the past but on the opportunities of the future
Sep 2014 · 232
My True Friend
Alex m Sep 2014
My dearest one do you know what I feel?
Can you see the pain in my eyes as they look at you?
As I hide what has happened do you still know?
Can you not ask yet still comfort me even if you don't know what has happened?
The answers to theses questions is yes and that is why you are the best.
I miss  you and don't know what to do now that your gone.
I am falling apart just as I did before but there is no one to catch me this time.
I think it may be time to join you where people say it is better.
Sep 2014 · 249
The Things You Do
Alex m Sep 2014
Sometimes you want to cry but you don't want people to know you fell pain you hide behind the shadows hoping no one will notice
You smile with everyone instead of crying by yourself
You try to laugh without a wavering voice when you start to crumble
It is ok to feel these, just know you are loved and that you will be ok
May 2014 · 267
Yourself
Alex m May 2014
Life is one of the biggest mysteries in the world
no one really can explain it to you no matter what you think
they will try to explain it as a lesson or something that we will never understand
your life is yours to make, you are the only one who can decide it
you can either let others run your life for you and tell you what to do
or you can do what you want and love and have fun in life
it can be hard to find what you love and it can also take a while but it is possible
don't be one of those people that questions all of their own moves
do not ask "what is the point of me being here. Do I really belong?"
because questions like these make us doubt ourselves and can eventually hurt you
do not worry about what others say but about what you feel

— The End —