I don't know why I'm surprised.

We were never a circle,

more like a spider's web that was constantly being stretched,

tested to see how strong the threads really were.

Ever since you left
I've been trying to go back
To how I was before
I ever met you

I've been trying to smile
And I've put extra effort
towards being happy

I've been so deep
Inside my mind
That I've nearly
D r o w n e d
Searching for the shore

But as I lay on my bed
And listen to the guitar strings
Plucking from my stereo
I sense a familiar feeling
Of sadness

Perhaps I've always been this way
And you were simply

A distraction.

there once was a young girl with green eyes
who wore her soft blond hair
in braided pigtails

at the age of seven,
she watched her older sister
stand in front of the mirror before school
and pinch her stomach with a disgusted face
          neither of them ate breakfast that morning

at the age of nine,
she watched her older brother
make fun of a girl with glasses
for reading on the bus
          she went home and hid all her books in the attic

at the age of twelve,
she watched the older girls at school
with straight hair and short skirts
put makeup on in the bathroom
and discuss how boys would only like you
if you looked perfect, like them
          the next day she arrived with red lips, short shorts, and no braided pigtails

at the age of fourteen,
she watched her father hit her mother for the first time
her mother cried when she saw her standing in the doorway
and told her daddy didn't mean it
          the next year, she told herself that her boyfriend didn't mean it, either

at the age of sixteen,
she was paper thin and empty
with straight blond hair, red lips,
purple flesh, and lifeless green eyes
          while staring at her reflection in the bathroom mirror,
          she thought to herself "at least i'm normal."

I was the moon
She grabbed my hand
and showed me my own world
there were stars and planets
and loads of fairy dust
She saved me
from the darkness
But she was the sun
every night she gives me life
and every day I hide for her
and her world was her own
and our two never touched


Because sometimes
your lovers only come to fix you
and then they must go

I thought my essence
might hang on your hoodie
that I wore to bed
every night

Or maybe our favorite
movies
restaurants
and songs
might sting your eyes
every once in a while

Or maybe a bird would sing
and for one second
your heart would skip a beat
because you thought it was me
singing you whatever tune
was on my mind
like I used to

But she came to you
like the rain
and washed me away
like chalk
on the driveway
after it poured

I don’t think it takes much to fall in love

Sweet whispers of cute nothing’s

dance through your head

because some fool

spoke a new language to you

and every word 
was magic 

and with every word 
you fell

and your heart 
began to love his voice

And the simple smile

that shines in his eyes 

like the stars at night 

and only a few see it

because most are asleep 
when the stars are awake
 and soon the stars twinkle at you

and you fall

The way his hand 
made you feel  
like the dust
 dancing in the sunlight 

light as air
and 
full of simple beauty 

and with his touch
 you fell

And by now it’s too late

because you fell for his

voice

smile

eyes
 and touch

Love

but for you darling 
I hope it doesn’t happen often

because to have it once forever

is much better 
than millions of times 

if you fall too much

you’ll eventually break