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Ale Sep 2021
Take a deep breath.
Count to ten.
The only way.
In a second I'll feel
the chill of a blade
creeping down my skin again.
Ale Dec 2021
And again
I made the mistake
of holding you.

Smokescreens of
unattainable luxury

Like tears you can't wipe away,
my feelings
were here to stay.

It's disappearing
and rotting
and the world will stop again.

In a tale like this
my happiness
is unheard of.

"See you then, okay?"
Please don't go away.

"I really had fun."
You were never just "anyone".

"Things will be the same, see?"
I didn't want to be...
Ale May 2021
Leave me alone.
Just leave me alone.
If your truth hurts me this much,
I'd rather not have known.

Go away.
Please, just go away.
Even though truthfully,
I'd like you to stay.

Be gone,
gone out of my life.
Even though I like you,
your words cut like knives.
Ale May 2021
You know,
I find myself saying
"I'm sorry"
quite a lot.

Back then
apologies were beat out of me,
so now they just bleed out
from the scars
on their own.
Ale May 2021
I can't lose a chance
you never gave me in the
first place.
Ale Dec 2021
Am I really
content with this?
The things I would do,
to be anyone else.
Anywhere else.
At any other time.

The things to change
are countless
and innumerable,
but it could all be fixed
if what changed
was the direction of your gaze.

If I could change
the direction you look,
to be seen by you,
maybe then I'd find it in me
to change myself.
Ale Jun 2021
Is it wrong to grieve unhappiness
in the same way it's wrong to boast achievements?
I want to live, but I'm told to die.
I want to die, but I'm told to live.
Is disappearing an option?
Ale May 2021
You confuse me.
I know you'll never like me
but I can't stop the enjoyment I feel
when I say
I love you.
But sometimes I hate it
Ale May 2021
I craved your attention,
but you weren't too eager.
No one else's will work for me,
I'm too much of a picky eater.
I only wanted you.
Ale May 2021
is taking
a lifetime.
Ale Nov 2022
I've stopped fearing death
long ago.
However, that is not to say
I quite adore life.

No, I've died many times.
You've broke my heart,
suffocated me,
and stabbed me.

And when it's all over,
you'll resurrect me once more
by whispering your quiet
Ale Jun 2021
Good things come to people who deserve them,
and good people deserve happiness.
I wonder
if I'll have to wait for long,
or if it was never meant for me
at all.
Ale May 2021
My brain and my heart,
just can't agree with each other.
Trying to get them to play nice
has my thoughts and emotions
in the gutter.
Ale May 2021
I've always tried to help,
but when I'm in need,
your help was always
needed elsewhere.
Ale May 2021
I'm sure
things will come to an end one day.
Whether by my hand
or God's.
But until that day comes
I'd like to stay with you.
Ale May 2021
I'm not a great writer,
not a deep thinker,
not even thought-provoking.
I'm just some kid,
some kid who's hurting.
My writing could never
meet your expectations.
Ale May 2021
This is really unfair.
You're blessed with a pretty face,
and yet I can't even see my reflection
without being revolted.
Ale May 2021
I fear one day
you'll no longer need me,
and once again I'll be tossed aside.
Usually this wouldn't be
any different.
I like you.
Please, keep me.
Ale Nov 2021
At somewhere past 3
in the morning,
my feelings trickle.

Down my face
and down
my arms.

I stretch towards
what I believe to be
the sky,
past this gray ceiling.

And yet these hands of mine
will never find
a single thing to hold
and call "mine".
Ale May 2021
It's not that I
don't know
the words I want to say.
I'm only worried
you won't listen to the feelings
I wanted to convey.
Ale May 2021
Why are the good feelings,
always the ones that hurt.
I hate "love".
I give but never receive.
Ale May 2021
I'm in pain.
My head pounds terribly,
my legs shake uncontrollably,
and there's a gaping hole
in my chest.

But I can laugh,
although my eyes are saturated
with tears that sting.

I can finally laugh,
because giving up
on everything like this
will set me free.
Ale May 2021
"You're ugly."
"And mean.
"You have acne."
"And bad grades."

I'm not your punching bag.
We all have flaws
and I've never bullied you for yours,
so won't you leave mine alone?
Ale May 2021
For you,
the person I've adored.
From me,
the one you've probably abhorred.

I want to apologize.
I'm sorry for liking you.
You would never like me like that,
and I knew that too.

So I'm sorry,
for the late nights
and the early mornings.
Things could have gone different,
I thought they might.

Simply put,
I thought the idea of "us" was great.
But somewhere in me,
I knew you couldn't relate.

So I'll write this,
for You.
To the one who will never see this.
But the one I most want to, too.

So this,
is from Me.
My endearment was true.
And you know,
I think I'll keep falling for you too.
From Me,
For You.
I could never show that person this.
Ale Jun 2021
Seeing your smile is free,
but it's worth a lot.
I can't put a price on your laughter
but it's priceless to me.
Ale May 2021
You wanted a friend.
And I wanted to apologize
for wanting more.
Ale May 2021
My heart is so full of feelings.
Head full of thoughts.
I showed them to you,
now my eyes are full of tears.
Ale May 2021
I'm glad my problems
are a joke to you.
But I'm not so lucky
to be able to laugh them off too.
Ale May 2021
"You're always so happy!"
Every time you say that it gets harder
to distract
myself from the fact
it's all just an act
Ale Oct 2021
Happy friends are always
a pleasant sight to see,
but how quickly that sight sours
when I realize they'll still be happy
without me.
Ale May 2021
My energy's gone,
my throat's dried up too.
Wasted everything,
just to try to talk to you.

I just wanted you to hear me.
Please, listen.
Ale May 2021
Once upon a time,
I wanted to give you my heart.
But now,
I'm begging you to take it.
Take it before I
tear it out myself.
Feelings are confusing
Ale May 2021
My heart's practically
beating out of my chest
whenever I'm around you.

I'm not flustered,
I'm scared.
My heart pounds terribly,
so please,
stay away.
Ale May 2021
I wanted to help,
I really wanted that.
But I guess you only saw me fit
as a doormat.
Ale Dec 2021
There's a
hole in my chest.
Looking into it leaves me
with unwavering fear
and unrest.

It doesn't go right through,
and I can do naught but lament
the fact that inside
there's only a whirlwind
of torment.

Fueled by the
fragility of my brain,
it tears me apart,
leaving me
barely sane.
Ale Dec 2021
I know it's okay
if you don't need me,
but I always wanted to try
and help if need be.

It's hard for me to do it
without making mistakes
and I wish I could hear you say
"it's okay".

You might never know
how I feel,
but it's better this way.
I'll keep doing my
every day.

So, I know you don't need it,
I just don't want you to feel alone.
Even if I'm only me,
I can at least say
you're not on your own.

You might not ever see this,
and I don't mind,
But if you do,
please just know
I only want you to be fine.
Ale Jun 2021
In a world,
where I could go anywhere I wanted,
how long would it be
until I didn't want to go anywhere at all?

In a world,
where I didn't have to be an outcast,
would I be able to accept
the kindness in the first place?

In a world,
where everyone listened,
would I be able to think
of the right words?

In a world,
where my self-made scars didn't have to be hidden,
I wonder,
would I have any in the first place?

In this world,
the world of reality,
life is harsh
and filled with struggles.

In this world,
I'll leave this message.
If I were to die now,
may my words never fade.
Ale Sep 2021
I'm translucent,
as if I were an apparition.
I had always thought
you were looking through me.
I see now,
that you were looking past me instead.
Ale Sep 2021
It's not poetry.
Everything I write is a maddening
thought spewed, almost saddening
to watch. And I claw
at my brain to get it out, and gnaw
on the nails I bite between shouts.

Poetry is beautiful
yet my words are ugly,
to call it righteous
would be untruthful.

My pain's no good
it's a non-art with no use.
It's not art to me,
but what does it mean to you?
Ale May 2021
I'm sorry,
I never meant to get jealous.
I just wish you noticed me,
as much as them.
Ale May 2021
I know you try your best,
to be of use.
But every kind word
only tightens the noose.
Ale May 2021
Anyone can laugh off your problems.
But it takes someone special
to get you to laugh away your problems
as well.
Ale May 2021
I've always been less than.

Less than her,
Less than him,
Less than you,
Less than them,
Less than human,
Less than enough.
Ale May 2021
I hate liars.
That's why I couldn't
forgive myself
when I told you it was okay.
Ale May 2021
Caught you again,
in another lie.
Fingers bruised from being crossed,
behind your back this whole time.

But I can't say anything,
confrontation hurts you.
I just wish you know,
how much you're hurting me too.
Ale May 2021
Life goes on.
But at this point,
it's going to have to
go on without me.
Ale Dec 2021
I love to listen,
even if my company
can't substitute
what you're missing.

I can't help anyone
in real ways.
And soon enough
with me, you'll be done.

I love to listen,
but now it's strange, see?
Why is what I'm hearing
starting to sound a bit like me?
Ale May 2021
I know you're wondering,
If anyone's listening.
I know, the thought of being unheard
is sickening.

But keep writing.
Keep singing.
Keep talking.

I hear you.
We hear you.
Never alone
Ale May 2021
I've only lived in pain
so I can die in peace.
Ale May 2021
These thoughts are
nothing but a burden to you.
Despite how much I want to convey them,
I keep them locked up.
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