Your eyes are pretty.
I just wish
they would look at me more.

It's something
you can't just laugh away.
Unease engulfs me
and I can't face the day.

I lay awake,
late hours of the night.
Knowing I've, once again,
done wrong,
how can I make things right?

206 bones,
32 teeth,
5 fingers,
2 eyes,
and 1 heart.
1 aching heart.

We met
and played a game.
I was bad at it,
for that I'm sorry.

We met
and had coffee.
I got your order wrong,
for that I'm sorry.

We met
and talked about that book.
I didn't like it,
for that I'm sorry.

We met
and then we didn't.
You, now,
no longer want to meet with me.

I wonder,
what am I to you?
Someone special,
or just someone to use?

I know you well,
and you know me too.
So when you hurt me,
I'm sure you knew.

I know you don't like me,
that's nothing new.
There's no point in you knowing
how much I loved you.
-From Me, to You.

I don't like mirrors.
No matter how much I stare
into my own eyes.
I can never see what you see.

I could be gone,
just like that.
Everything about me
vanishing forever.
But there wouldn't be much to miss,
right?

In the darkest nights,
lurking in the alleyways
or under a dim street light.

Monsters lurk everywhere.
Heed caution when you roam,
as the most dangerous ones
are likely in your own home.

You are a monster.
You must be.
With 15 limbs,
and green skin,
and scales.
When you bleed,
its blue, not red.

You definitely must be
a monster.
Because no human,
could hurt me so bad.

Time lost,
My fault.
I'm useless
by default.

Slacked off,
did nothing.
Feel tears,
they're coming.

Can't cry,
not fair.
These problems
are my fault
and mine to bear.

I wanted to need you,
and I wanted you to need me too.
But now I wonder why,
your parasitism is making me ill
as I die.

You're killing me off.

I want to
give you a reason to
look my way.
I want to do
something,
anything,
and yet I have nothing
to say.

Surrounded by
so many people,
I've nothing special for you.
And even though I'm here,
I'll never be special
no matter what I do.

I'll be thrown away.
You don't
really need me
anyways.
It's nothing, right?
I'm out of sight.
I'm nothing,
right?

Isn't this basically enough?
Even being average's pretty tough.
Even if greater existed, at the end of the day,
wouldn't have the courage to try for it either way.

Never wanted to be perfect,
maybe I never had that option, in retrospect.
Anyhow, I just want to live for the "now",
and no one will be able to tell me how.

I'm sorry,
I can't keep acting like I'm okay.
Every conversation like this,
every word,
just makes me cry more and more
every day.

The sharp sting you feel
when you see me hurt
is nothing compared
to the stabbing I feel
when I'm getting hurt.

Things would only change
If I was strong enough to do so.
But I'm not.
So until then, I don't know.

It's no fun to pretend
to be something you're not
when everyone can see
right through you.

Puzzle of life.
Friendships, love, connections,
all proper pieces.
And yet I can't find anywhere I fit
in this unsolvable jigsaw.

Existence's puzzle paints a scenery
describing happiness,
knowing delight,
describing sadness,
feeling plight.

Every piece is in place
to portray such a full, diverse life.
But as I hold my own,
I begin to realize it has no place,
and can only exist outside.

One day, you'll realize
I was rotten from the start.
And I'd have no reason
to have a place in your heart.

One day, you'll realize
there's so much better than me.
And again, I'll be cast away
despite how much I'd plea.

And one day, you'll realize.
I was never of any use.
One day, you'll realize
the truth.

Finding different emotions
to feel every day
is such a pain.
I'll just reuse the same
"happy face" as yesterday.

Huddled again,
in a corner of the school's rooftop.
"I'm a human no one needs."
Those words,
cross your mind again as you
ponder the height.

I stand above you,
looking down with contempt.
You've no reason to look up,
I don't mind.
I'd rather not see your face;
It resembles me far too much.
Why's that?

I'm not afraid of things like
pain,
and getting hurt,
and being forgotten.

Because those are things
I can understand.
But this love that won't quit
terrifies me more than anything.
It makes me want to run away.

It comes out of the dark spaces.
Living in my closet,
behind the door,
under the bed.

It creeps up on me,
when I'm least expecting it.
Sending me
chills.

And for some reason,
it can tell
when you're not around
to help.

My scabs
were mine to pick at,
but you rolled up my sleeve
and tore them off.

And now,
they're bleeding all over again.

I know I'm selfish.
for wanting to be seen
as much as her.
I try but,
that'll never happen right?

I'm sorry
for all those times I was a pain.
All I did was annoy you
and for that I'm ashamed.

And I'm sorry again,
for the times you wanted me to go away.
I really should have,
but selfishly I tried to stay.

And I'm really sorry,
for still being here.
But today,
I definitely plan
to disappear.

Please don't try to
spare me.
Your sweet smile
and kind attitude
is hurting me more than you think.

I don't want
kindness anymore...
Because your sweetness
has put honesty
on hold.

Again, just like every year
summer shows itself.
A relief to many,
but fills myself with dread.

The warm summer breeze,
doesn't blow in cozy feelings.
Instead, it sends disgusting,
frightening,
"emotions"
that send chills,
not fit for the season,
crawling up my spine.

So tasteless and unrefined.
I can feel every word,
but not one ounce of love,
can I find.

Tomorrow
I will still be the same
as always.

Laughing and
trying to joke with you.

I always knew
the things we feel
are different.

But since you
showed up in that dream of mine.

I haven't been
honest with you
at all.

You have all the time in the world,
to talk about what you want to.
But whenever I need to speak,
we're "cutting it close".

I can feel it,
I'm running out of time.
Someone will come 'round
and never again
will I cross your mind.

I don't want to die.
But your kind demeanor,
the one so painful to endure.
I wouldn't really mind
going out like that.

Every day,
is the same.
The sun rises,
and again I'll face
the onslaught of pain.

Caught in a rut
of endless unhappiness,
it seems again
I'm stuck.

If every day is the same,
rife with suffering and woes,
a person like me will never truly have
a "tomorrow".

Why do I write?
To express myself,
or is it because I'm too scared to
express myself in a "real way",
like you said.

There's no point.
Even now I'm running away
from actually talking to you.
I'm sorry.

I always was a coward,
took to the pen before the tongue.

And now all the words I've ever
ever
written,
torn up by their creator.

I'll throw it all away.
These useless emotions
and feelings.
I don't need anything
of authenticity.
This cheap plastic smile will do.

If I showed you
the true feelings
you've always begged me to share,
the hate,
and anger,
and frustration,
and sadness.
Would you still be here,
begging me to talk?
Or would you be begging me to stop?

"It's what's on the inside that matters!"
If that's the case,
you'd probably hate me much more
than you did for my looks.

If my feelings would show
their ugly faces right now,
I wouldn't be able to fight back,
would I?

"You don't understand,
you don't understand!", you cried.
It's not like
you understood me either.

"There's no point",
is the favorite phrase of
an indifferent loser
such as I.

Hideous negativities flow in harmony,
with the stream that stings my eyes.
Putting on a show of apathy
and pretending love is a misfortune,
my true feelings will scrape
at my conscience.

Stowed away are the words
that bear years' worth of sentiment.
"Could you
love someone like me?"

It's got nothing to do with logic
or emotions.
As I am now,
I need to become someone else.

If I could take on
the personality of another,
I'll never have to feel
inadequate again.

Some people want followers.
Others want connections.
Love and
Friendship and
Time spent and
Memories.
I think about what I want,
and come up blank.
So will you please,
help me fill in this empty page?
Stay by my side, my one request.

I'm sorry,
I know you have better people
and better things to do.
But I want to
be around you too.

I'm sorry,
that I cling to you so much.
You just make me feel
like the little worth I have
is something real.

I know things can
never be that way between us.
But I never want us to be parted,
cause you're someone who finally
makes me feel
wanted.

Everyone is always
hanging out all the time.
Everyone's always smiling,
and my envy's a crime.
Finally, I realize that I'm letting
slip by
the things that once
were mine.

Everyone is always
hanging out all the time.
Everyone's always smiling
as I watch from behind.
My inferiority
leaves scars on mind.
One day, I want your laughter
to finally complement
mine.

Everyone is always
hanging out all the time.
Please,
can your time
be mine?

My feet have grown weary
from walking around it.
I want you to see it like I do.
I want you to know,
how much I like you.

My words shouldn't be
on a piece of paper.
I wanted to give them
to you.
But for now,
this'll do.