Since we talked, I've only shed two tears.
Once, before I kissed you.
And, the second, while I was kissing you.

I told you I was anticipating our end, but you were silent.
I whispered to you my fear, but you were silent.
I explained how it felt like you didn't care, but you were silent.
I understand that you don't like talking about these things, and you remained silent.

But I also said that I am the kind of person who will always say what she's feeling, will always admit her fears, who will take the time to explain what her heart is saying, and she will continue to understand if you can't do the same.

But, my eyes feel heavy.
As if the storm has yet to come.
They hold so many emotions, and so far I've only shown you two.

i think it's perfectly OK from time-to-time to think about those very meaningful and important people who were once a part of your life.

this is my moment:
maybe i feel burdened with the memory of you, you were indeed a terrific person. but, i beat myself up over "losing" you.
did i lose you? or did you leave me?
whatever the reason is, i can't help but feel full of myself and think that maybe i'm the victim. maybe i lost you because i was not good enough. i don't want to be good enough for you, now. but how good would that feel if i could be the ideal girl you once loved?
i was horribly young and immature to think that you were just another guy i could use to make myself feel important.
maybe i'm still immature: here i am thinking you might still love me and that you still want to be with me. how silly of me to think about me, me, me. when did i ever give a crap about you.
the answer is: always. you were a great person, not just in hindsight, but from the start. i knew i was lucky, but i also knew i wanted everyone else's love. and because i fought to have everyone else's love i got sidetracked from your "true" love.

and yet, could it be possible that i don't want you? -- maybe i only feel regret? i carry this gargantuan regret, harborded deep in the catacombs of my mind. it looms in the cortex patiently waiting to be remembered. perhaps my biggest challenge is not to remember you and feel sadness or lose, regret or pain. maybe a day will come when i look back  and feel wonder, peace, and special that i had the chance to be with you and you with me. that we existed in a moment where we loved one another even though we didn't know what love meant. we existed, momentarily, in perfect happiness. there, we could hold on to fairy tales and unrealistic dreams of growing old together. we didn't know ourselves well enough to be ready for petty challenges. at least it felt like we could exist like that: frozen in time slowly falling like a grain of sand in an alluring hour glass.
but, i want to put you away. i want to move on with my love life, and enjoy this wonderful boy who's in my life, right now.
i don't want to think about you when i close my eyes and kiss him. i don't want to think about you when i'm with him. and i don't want to compare. because, it's not fair.

Toss a stone on the hopscotch game
hoping to land on the right square.
For so long I've pined and wished for that special someone
And what stared back was only an endless road of limitless possibilities.
Did each square lead me closer to you?

I gazed in your direction,
but never caught your eye.
I breathe your smile and laughter,
I quake in your kindness and understanding;
Would you ever think of me this way, too?

I played along this pebbled ridden road,
I reasoned that my youth was the cause of my suffering.
My mind is trapped in chaos: ambition and goals, battling against desires and vices.
This young body and young heart shackles me
A vast universe exists within me.

Hidden beneath the youthful skin and wandering eyes
lives a person, a girl, becoming ever so slowly a woman.
A girl whose mind sees beyond her years, and yet
she still has a long way to go to balance her feelings.

An older man, guided by his own intuitions.
A man, still in many ways a boy.
Too coy to admit to feelings.
No shame, no insecurity to admit to mistakes, only apathy.

Boy-ish behavior isolates you from men.
A passionate spark now a swirling veil of smoke
Where your life kept you rooted,
mine lead me across seas and into many worlds.

We were drawn parallel to one another.
Our lips and skin touched, but our paths did not merge.
My pebble ridden road has one less stone.
And as we reached a fork in our respective roads:
we chose our own destinies.

How about a poem about certainty.
The certainty of uncertainty.

Where lovers and friends betray or stay.
Where family supports you and disappoints you.
Where work is great.

When your life plays out to its fullest potential;
every piece of the puzzle, good and bad, fits perfectly together;
and the picture becomes clearer every day: life is so uncertain.

Are you strong enough to face this challenge?
Day in and day out? Because there is beauty in uncertainty.

Slowly we must learn everything that was never taught;
our armor will grow thick, while,
steadily, the mistakes pile up, and,
eventually, the good will sort itself out

Day in and day out, the uncertainty becomes certain.
We were hardwired to survive in an inadaptable world
Allow the insecurities to be masked by the brave and the bold;
Express your fears and challenge them

Do not lose yourself, do not give in to certainty
Life is a lingering note: ringing out
Precious are the days, limited are the years
Uncertainty is ever certain

it’s been a while
it’s been even longer since i’ve thought of you
since i’ve thought of us
and this is the first time i’ve realized my own strength

i will not condemn you by listing everything you did wrong against me because,
this is the first realization:
i am beautiful, i am strong, and i am lucky

i was lost in a dark and lonely space
but i yearned and fought to free myself
tears, memories and self-doubt will no longer shackle me
i've picked myself up off the floor, i've made tough choices
i've taken the highroad, i've paved difficult paths
and i've walked this tunnel

and here i am at the end.
my world is burning brighter than i could have imagined.
today: i begin a new chapter in my life.

my heart: it's gone.
just when i thought i've healed myself,
you always find some way to pop-up, crop-up, show-up and be in my life, again.

i don't know you anymore
but your memory burns,
it's something i keep hidden to avoid ever having to face it.
it used to be so easy.

i will continue to make it so i never knew you.

I awoke with a fright
Forcing these feelings aside, brushing the images from my mind's eye
but the harder I try, the longer they linger

I'm paralyzed under these sheets
Every shadow in this room invites new nightmares

My fibers have been completely undone and my heart aches
A snowball effect of emotions continues to build in my swollen heart; gross, agonizing pain

The colossus amount of shame, regret, fear, embarrassment and cowardice brings me crashing down
Down, into nothingness
The complete elimination of skin, bones and soul