“I’m fine”

Words uttered too often with the falsest of truths.
I build myself up, just to come tumbling down.
"I'll be fine"
A mantra that works when I’m not vulnerable.
But lately my wounds are so raw, the simplest jest makes them bleed.

How can I miss what I don’t love?
You hardly leave my mind
I am left in awe of

You, with the demanding presence, it’s true
I remember a time when jealousy grew.

Always watching you from afar
But never do I hear from you, my morning lark.

A few moments frozen in time
Have given me this false sense of sublime
Sadly, so many would hold them to a shrine.

Observers in the distance
Know nothing of this,
My empty soul and weakening persistence.

Unfitting, this battle grows old
My springs fade to winter
And your heart proves too cold

Too cold, to even harbor a beacon of hope
Baggage carried at an inclined *****.

It goes against the grain
To throw it all away
More damage would only cause more pain.

Why do you jest at old wounds
And play yourself a sad little tune
When it is you that buries us in this solid tomb?

It is now, that the lights are out
We have learned to shield our hearts
But I’m still here, going about

Picking up the pieces
A shame to use these
Folly, weakening adhesives.

My only wish is for you to let me be
You have performed no sisterly duty

I continue to stand in the middle
Yearning to be set free.

I'm lying here
Chills every time I think of you
But these thoughts of you
They’re like your hands
Pushing down on my chest
Down, slowly down into this water

I'm lying here
Imagining those fire lit eyes, woah
Out of breath, and asking myself
‘Why do I do this?’
Because you weigh heavy
Heavy on my chest
Down, slowly down into this water

I want to run out of my mind
Shed this skin
And **** these thoughts
I'd love to hate you
Because imagining you is embarrassing
When will I have had enough?

Am I reasoning with logic?
When I tell myself it’s only natural
Natural for me to fantasize
About a made up time and place
Because the reality is:
This pressure is real
This water is thick
And this imagined pain hurts
And, still, I come back for more

I'm lying here
And I can't erase you out of my memory
I'm pushing myself under
Under the water
Down, slowly down

This air is so thick, it’s so stale and so raw
The humidity makes everything stick
And no matter how many times I try
I can't seem to let you go

Care free times have turned into dysfunctional moments
When did good memories fill me with happiness?

An epiphany blooms in the abyss of my mind:
Our lives cross paths frequently
But you will never be mine

My Romeo, I am no longer your Juliet
That ship has sailed, and my heart and life with it
And now every meeting and every word uttered between us
Is intolerable

For now I see you are a disease
A growing colossus of dread, earthed deep in my chest
Suckling and breeding in my heart
You desperately cling on to the loose fibers of my soul
And while things fall apart I quickly try to stitch it back together

Stop hurting me
Help me get over you
Because every speck of hope you plant in me makes it harder
To turn and stay away
I’m begging you to leave.

Hardly a scratch
Yet somehow already attached.
I dread the dark and hollow night,
Where nightmares creep before morning light.
Smooth, trickling rain
Stings like acid in my brain.
Scared and alone,
I’m so used to being on my own.
Enchants me a song sung far away
I cannot hear the words, but I know what they say.
Familiarity is at a loss, but what I do know
Hangs softly on distant hills, where I must go.
For I am a slender moon
Too sharp to touch too soon.
So thin, a moving film is time and space
Lost under stars we find eternity and our place.
Desire a lover, but fear to lose a friend
I cannot but only anticipate the end.