i never change
but my evolution continues
in the end i'll become
a deadly light
piercing into your eyes
hell's surprise
wretched rendering
aches from wandering
back and forth over and over
lands that hold no place for me

evolve out of this
unto a new plane
where everything isn't wrong inside
anymore
return to the unbroken
refresh this form
forlorn no longer the norm
identity secure
waters run pure
and perfection no longer exists in a vacuum

once it would have mattered
now so insignificant
you'd no interest in sharing at one time
and then the moment went
interest waned with your disdain
the detachment that you chose
there's nothing here to be shared
return to your repose

placement
position the artefact
location, love and broken back
tear open
sanitise the heart attack
this was where we used to build
this is where the blood was spilled

arraignment
(all) time and space
now lost to black
spoken
sanitise the heart attack
this was where i lost my pills
this is where i almost killed

games like small children
fire like the hell pit
relentless stupidity
disgust and aching soul
all the dogs are black
barking and biting
chewing to the bone

syphilitic like groupie ******
sycophantic like talk show hosts
skies of swine
and rivers of dirt that can't flow
people undervalued
fighting and clawing
for a morsel to take home

dreams like night terrors
opportunity like a flu vaccine
black hole emptiness
always night but never peaceful
militant peacekeepers
targets all lined up
wrangled into old chains

longing for the end
for the end of the world
trying to bring it ever closer
just to hold it tight

desperate word duelling
a fight without aggression
desperation pervades
antagonism delayed

so beaten
beaten down
so beaten
only frown

ferocity tucked away
yet the beastly come to play
a beating reckoned
the pain provisioned

so beaten
beaten down
so beaten
beaten
beaten down

with each passing day
my space in this place
seems farther away

it’s become all too common
both real and surreal
just trying to press on

why did you place me in here
imprisoning me in this
dilapidated shell
with erroneous genes
and destruction
cell by cell
what is your purpose
why won’t you share the meaning
instead leaving me demeaned
crippled
broken
and bleeding

sometimes horizons don’t make a sound
sometimes horizons are not around
sometimes horizons can not be found
they’re so far away

sometimes horizons are not as one
despite the appearance of location

open your eyes
take your hands away
see the new day waiting
i am waiting too

when he sees her
he’ll take her hand in his
…home…
bringing the back of her hand to his chest
pressing it against his heart
then letting go
he’ll cup her face in his hands
bringing her lips to his
kissing her softly
so she remembers

any one
thing
a sense that
something's missing
mustard
or special sauce
especially for the main course
delectable
surroundings
difficulty compounding
asset rich
don miner's helmet
no presupposition
of what it all meant

where did you go
what forced you to leave
could you not feel the passion
were you so in thrall to the pain
now wracked by emotions
images painted on torn canvas
now cracked to collapse
there is no reason but you
there is no world without
my own foolishness scrapes like blackboard nails
digging into doubt
the answers lay in front of our faces
still we didn’t see
we held the elements
to set ourselves free

once there was a girl who wasn’t
just an uncomfortable shell of torment
swallowed up by every dark hole
but for the one that felt real

encouraged to colour within the lines
and play within the paradigm
longing for another place, another time

anyone would have been surprised
had they bothered to open their eyes
how can a fearful, confused child
teach the ignorant to be wise

an occasional chance would arrive
when he could open the door to the girl inside
oh it’s just a phase they said
unaware of how close they were to finding him dead

encouraged to colour within the lines
and play within the paradigm
longing for another place, another time
there are some things that you just don’t allow
dealing with this black sheep
wondering what, why and how

i part from you
pills
pipe
i sit and watch the rain in a haze
blurred streaks
against tree silhouettes
my mind is affixed
to you
grab a beer and stay here
for awhile…

i'm encircled with
everything
when i'm in your arms
the sound of
the rain
will always be our song

her strength is a thing of wonder
and her tenacity inspires
it’s respect that fuels his love
not only desire

though of course she’s a source
of untold attraction
a font of splendour
a source of pure satisfaction

though sometimes she forgets
that she needs some support
someone without judgement
to whom she can report

and let herself go
let her emotions express
one to whom she can cling
in moments of duress

his love for her
knows no conditions
and he will always be there
when offered the invitation

his sadness is desperate
when she suffers turmoil
but he’d always rather know
and would never recoil

she is his everything
his world embodied
there will never be another
not mind, soul nor body

love is the creation
of imagination
imagination
is the language of the soul
to allow the fantasy
yields no harm nor foul

sometimes they wept
through momentum kept
yet in the end all would mend
as in each other's arms
their souls slept

distance wouldn't tear them
the way itself would keep them
challenge has been their retribution
though victory is assured
the bud blooms at the top of
the stem

i’m known as the tortured one
despairing depressed destructive
hiding from the sun
they say that it’s my soul
empty formless void
preventing me from ever being whole

but I contend that it’s my mind
where the troubles have taken root
and as i follow the path step by step
it’s my soul that drives me on
ever renewed and forming the glue
to reunite my self as one

i should have known when I said ok
when I opened myself to intrigue
and you to contamination
foolishness is a strict teacher
but at least I know
never again
will I lose that focus

crawling through the waste pipe
dripping knees and
dragging feet
emerge into nothingness
drawn and pegged in the desert heat

all consideration
heart lock
now the chain chokes my neck
trinket of the broken

crawling through the waste pipe
dripping knees and
dragging feet
will there be a placard
this tortured soul to meet

she goes right into my head
speaks differently in bed
like a
purr
enticing yet calming
thoroughly
delighting
all senses
serpentine fountain
writhing in the garden
delighting
emotion laced with attitude
such a thing to observe
her
in herself
moments of freedom
blessings shared
with reckless abandon
they are one
they are
they are

desperate to jump
at the sound of the pistol
eager
early
bouncing on my toes
business business
nightmares
and creeping neck twitch
aches innumerable
breaks inevitable
frightened
falling
taking the blows
business business
daymares
no sleeping with this stitch

i can’t close the deal
it’s never more than maybes
i don’t know what you feel
it’s never more than vapours
and your deciding
is wrenching inside me
just like you want it to
rifling through my drawers
absent minded
pointless fumbling
tossing out
flipping and flopping
like a desperate child
take this piece away
it doesn’t belong
death covered windows
the vision all wrong

don’t tell me what i should want
don’t tell me it’ll all work out fine
don’t pass me books on mutual agreement
with the look in your eye that says
try
i can’t pass through forever
knowing only of my mistakes
unless they’ve become worth something
and cut me a few breaks

don’t attempt to foil the gods of fate
don’t make me look back
verging on hate
nor try to tell me you know better
than i
where i must reside
spit and **** will fly my way
i will fill my cup
all your vitriol
i’ll lap it all up

because i will be mine
my path will make or break
i am not ignorant
to the chances that i take

the skeletons smile
within their cave
teasing the treasure
hidden in the nave
their playful happiness rattles
inconsequentially
the games they play
are no torment to me
i know the location
and centre on the sphere
maintaining a presence
by the treasure so near

this world is crumbling around our ears
thankfully i have you with whom to share my fears
and hold to tight
in the violent night
settling my heart and soothing my soul
ears above the water line
listening for the siren
by my side
by my side
there's no place to hide here
under my arm
try to remain calm
no place for boisterous flagrancy
don't fall apart along with the surroundings

these febrile young ladies
bouncing nearby
***** things
gaffer tape
belts and scarves taut
i become reptilian
my self a disgrace
but on my face it drips
on my face
it drips
clean scented
with a little funk
shower not yet been taken tonight
that bouncing works up
a sweat
no matter the time of day
the n word won’t work here (nubile)
they are simple
and simply
untouched

this does not happen
twice
hence being the one
feeling the warmth of a rising sun
never before to have peeked
above the horizon
never before has the world
shone this way

never will it again
hellish travails
beating nastiness
paths disappear into the distance
swallowed by the horizon
by the setting sun
a nighttime meal

where is my place
where do i belong
where is my strength
where is my song

breathe
and whisper
your sweet lips parted
ever so slightly
come hither
i am there already
and never wish to leave
so breathe
and hear my whisper
brush against your ear
i am here
i will always be here
it’s you who holds
the soul i sold
entrusted
to your safe keeping
let it breathe
upon your wing as you take flight
hear it whisper
like a zephyr in the night
always here
forever near
always
always

it used to be
that we’d talk
words by stealth
in every available moment
now there is silence
and i wonder where those moments went
is there so much else now
or just a lack of desire
would things have changed
had i not tried to step
outside the paradigm

sitting
sipping
earbuds plugged
watching people
conversing
movements
****** expressions
but no words
like a silent movie without dialog frames
song changes
i hear a ******
of the conversation
more interesting watching
without hearing
my mind can fill in the blanks that way
with anything i want
something intriguing
something that’s not mundane
something of worth
worthy of attention