Empty pizza boxes, and green
Couch cushions
Chapped lips and sunburns
Staying inside because your air conditioning
Actually works

The ice rink that’s always cold, but you
Wear short sleeves anyway
Kissing you between sips
Of hot chocolate, kissing you
Between people cheering
And crowded stands and pucks in nets
And spilt popcorn

The time we broke up
And you cut off all your hair

I bought you a Boston Red Sox hat, so that
You’d remember our city and cover your scalp
While your hair slowly grew back

That night I was drunk
And stained your shirt sleeve with makeup
You never thought the shaking would stop,
I blamed the *****

Corsages and suit coats, tightening your
Tie to match the dress, which took
Months for me to pick out
You never got to unzip it

The morning after, packing up
At 7am because the house was
Too full and my stomach was
Empty

Crossing my arms in the passenger seat
And mumbling that maybe
We needed time apart

Only to come barreling back together, like
Lighting a matchstick
And kissing to relieve the casualties

The time I lost my breath
But found it in your arms
“you’re okay, I'm here… I'll always be here”
And just knowing, just knowing, just
Knowing.

That night in the backseat
When it felt like the first time with you
All over again, the wheels clicked inside the motor
everything fell apart, the world stood still
And then everything fell back together

While going through the trash, sorting plastic
Organizing bottles and classifying cans
I told my mother we had 10 days left
And my tears dripped into the recycling bin

Dreaming about losing you to a plane ticket
And pushing your number at 3am
Because I only have 12,960 minutes left, to hear
The heartbeat through your shirt

Surrounded by apologies
weepy, weak, collapsing hugs
So young, so young, so young...

Sympathy gifts and tear-stained shirts
moldy fruit, cardboard pizza
Such a shame, poor girl, head hung.

Musty rooms and creaking floorboards
"If you ever need anything"
So strong, so strong, so strong...

Time's up, back to work, 9 -5
burnt lavender and broken wicks
Hope all is well, now move along.

Trapped thoughts, *** holes in my mind
seeking out salt water
At least you're here, now 23.

Hands on mouths and stifled gasps
"I can't imagine what you've been through"
My God, so glad that she's not me.

I was ****** when I decided to sit on your bed
I told you it would’ve been more romantic if we were dating
And when you asked why I just laughed

The mattress creaked when you sat on the edge
And it took eternity to lift my head.

You kept taking hits
And I didn’t understand why but it reminded me of a train

When you were done inhaling your creativity
Your hand shook with the possibility of using it
But you just rolled up your sleeves.

Your mouth moved as you talked about
The civil war
And your time abroad
As you laid down beside me

I nodded like I understood
But all I thought about was horses and the red coats
And guns.

I swear I’m going blind*
The edges of my vision tilting and shifting
As if my eyes are prisms
And
Sight is sand in a glass jar.

The corners of my brain keep going fuzzy
There’s only 9 days left
And
If I think too hard
I find myself driving
And
Going 80 until I have enough room between,
The white lines of highways
And
My bedroom.

Sometimes I drive for so long
That I forget you’re in the passenger seat.
I’m too busy counting down the minutes
We have left
That I forget this is the last chapter
For you too.

I just keep busying my hands,
To ignore pain in my stomach
When I remember that it's coming to an end.  

I’m going blind,
I told you while I gripped the wheel
In hopes that it would make you
Stay a little longer.